Phoenix
by Zombie Pigeon
Summary: [Completed] 4+1, 5x2, 6x3. Five friends are making the transition into life’s next phase, with only each other to rely on. However, there are mistakes, misunderstandings, secrets, lies, doubt, depression...
1. Deathwish

Series: Phoenix  
Name: Deathwish  
Archive: Nikki's Realm http://www.geocities.com/mageofthewinds/index.html anywhere else, just ask ^_^  
Feedback: If you would be so kind ^_______^ it would be cherished.  
Genre: Drama, Romance  
Couples: 1+4, 2+5.  
Rating: PG-13 

Key:  
~()~ Break  
*Thought*

Description: Heero threatens to kill himself. Wufei calls Quatre in hopes that he can talk him out of it. As Quatre tries to help him, Heero finds out a startling secret about the gentle former pilot.

Warning: Shounen-ai, cussing, talk of suicide.

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, any of it's characters, story lines or anything really ^_^ I'm an amateur doing this for my own amusement and maybe yours. Please don't sue me?

**Deathwish**  
By Nikki :-P or Nataku's Child

~

  
_Phoenix_

 : a legendary bird which according to one account lived 500 years, burned itself to ashes on a pyre, and rose alive from the ashes to live another period; also : a person or thing likened to the phoenix

_-Merriam-Webster's Dictionary_

~

Heero sat on the cold tiles of his small bathroom, staring at the gun he held in his hand. He had held it for so long, the metal that was once cold was warm and inviting. He had been sitting there for hours, trying to tell himself that this was the wrong thing to do, like he had so many times before.

Yes, he had done this before. After a long day he would lock himself in his room and pull out his gun.

Always with the same thought: 'This time...this time I'll do it.'

He would pull the trigger and it would all be over.

But he always put the gun back. He would sit and cry bitterly for a few hours and then stand up to face yet another sleepless night.

But now as he felt the weight in his hand, it felt closer then ever. It was becoming too much. The guilt, pain and depression he tried to suppress was tearing him apart from the inside.

With a click the gun was ready. He put it to the side of his head and closed his eyes.

There was a knock at the door.

~()~

"Hey Heero? Buddy! You in there?" Duo yelled through the bathroom door.

At first there was no answer. He was about to give up and search elsewhere when he heard Heero's voice, muffled by the door. "What do you need, Duo?"

"There's a good flick on TV!" Duo called back. "An old movie, Wufei said he liked it so it probably has some fighting or something in it. Trowa's got some popcorn popin', we'll make a night of it!" he waited hopefully for an answer. Heero didn't seem to happy when he came home; Duo was hopping to help him unwind a bit.

"No thanks Duo. I don't feel like a movie," Heero called.

Duo nodded as though Heero could see him. "All right. We're down there if you need anything, if you change your mind I can fill you in on what ya missed. See ya!"

"Thanks Duo."

Duo hesitated for a minute before turning from the door. *He sure is acting strange,* he thought as he closed Heero's bedroom door behind him and headed towards the stairs. *But I can't put my finger on what it is...*

His thoughts trailed off as he felt reassuring arms wrap around his waist.

"Your heart's too big for your own good, you know," a familiar voice whispered in his ear.

"I know 'Fei," he whispered back.

The Chinese man rested his head on Duo's shoulder. "He's terrible to you, yet you still try to be nice to him. I'm sorry to say this, but the guy just doesn't like you."

Duo stiffened at Wufei's words. "What did you say?"

Wufei sighed. "Duo, that can't be a surprise to you, he doesn't like you."

Duo shook his head. "No before that, about him being terrible to me."

"Duo..." Wufei sighed. "He ignores you half the time, if he says anything at all it's either to 'shut up' or 'go away'. You-"

"He _is terrible to me!" Duo cut him off._

He heard Wufei sigh behind him. "That's what I've been trying to tell you. I really don't see why you try."

"No!" Duo turned to look Wufei in the eyes. "You don't understand. He's acting odd, I couldn't tell how though. Now I see! He was being nice to me." Duo's eyebrows knitted together in worry. He glanced back at the door. "I don't like this."

~()~

Heero sighed as he heard his friend's footsteps leave the door.

Friend. Funny how Duo was the only one he could call friend, the way he treated him. Wufei and Trowa obviously disliked him. In fact, he was sure he would have been thrown out of the house the four of them shared if it wasn't for Duo. As for Quatre, he hardly saw the soft-spoken ex-pilot, he'd been busy with the family business lately, Heero hadn't seen him in months.

Heero sighed, leaning his head against the bathroom wall.

Duo would miss him. Quatre too, though Duo knew him better.

*That's not saying much,* he thought. *I never talk to any of them. I don't talk to _anyone.* he closed his eyes tight against the tears that threatened to spill._

"Heero?" Duo was back.

Heero sighed again; he'd hoped it would be longer before Duo grew suspicious.

When he didn't answer Duo called again, "Heero? Come on, I know you're in there! I talked to you a minute ago! Open up buddy!"

"What do you need Duo? I said I didn't want to see the movie."

"I know...I was wondering if you're feelin' all right. You seemed kinda down earlier."

"I'm fine," Heero said in his usual steady voice, though he could feel tears start to well up in his eyes. *'Open up buddy,' he still thinks of me as his friend. That should be good to take with me, at least I had _one_.*

"Come on old friend, just open the door." Duo wasn't buying it, worry was thick in his voice. "We can talk."

"Just go away, Duo." Heero's voice wavered a little.

"Heero?"

"I don't want you to...to be here. I don't want you to hear..."

It was the hardest thing he had ever had to say, but he didn't want Duo to hear him when he pulled the trigger, he didn't want Duo to find him lying dead on the floor. He choked on more tears. *Please leave Duo.*

"Hear what Heero? Talk to me! What are you doing?" Duo asked, though he had a sickening suspicion.

"Leave Duo. I need to end this. You're...you're my friend, I can't have you..." Heero's voice gave out as he hid his head in his arms.

"Heero!" Duo's knocking became pounding. "Let me in! Don't do this buddy."

"I said leave!" Heero yelled from the safety of his arms. Then softer, almost inaudible, "Please...just go away."

~()~

Wufei watched the whole thing. He watched as Duo pounded on the door, tears steaming down his face, practically screaming at Heero to open the door.

He walked over and put a hand on Duo's shoulder, but he just shrugged it off and kept pounding. Wufei hated to see him like this; he knew Duo was scared to death. He was pleading through the door with shaking lips. Wufei couldn't take it anymore. He walked out of the room just as Trowa walked in.

"What's happening?" Trowa asked.

"Yuy's locked in him self in the bathroom," he explained quickly and kept walking.

Wufei went to the videophone in his office and dialed Quatre's number.

~()~

Heero could hear Duo's pounding in the distance, but he was too lost in thought to even take notice.

He saw the faces of everyone he killed, some he didn't even remember. Countless mobile suits engulfed in fire. Guilt washed over him again and again as every face cried out in pain.

"Please don't do this." Duo's voice drifted through his thoughts.

He was doing it again, hurting the only thing close to him, the only person who cared if he lived or died. His best friend.

"Please Heero."

The pounding stopped.

~()~

Wufei hung up the phone and walked in to Heero's room, just as that last plea left Duo's lips.

"Please Heero." Duo dropped to the ground.

Wufei rushed over and picked up the fallen man, carrying him to the corner.

Duo's hands were bruised and bleeding but he didn't seem to notice. "Don't let him do it 'Fei," he whispered as he wept into Wufei's shirt.

Trowa stood in the middle of the room, watching silently, only moving a while later to answer the door.

~()~

It could have been hours, maybe minutes, but after sometime there was a knock at the bathroom door. Not as loud as before, but there.

"Go away, Duo." Heero's voice was harsh from the lump in his throat.

"Open up, Heero, its Quatre."

Heero winced. *Damn them! Why did they have to bring him in to this? It was bad enough to have Duo worried, but Quatre is more sensitive, he won't be able to handle having a former friend commit suicide with only a thin wall between us.* he opened his eyes, blinking in shock. *Since when has Quatre been a 'former friend'? When he left?*

Quatre had lived with them for less then a month before moving out.

"Please Heero? Can we just talk?" Quatre requested softly.

"Get out of here, Quatre." he tried to blow him off like he had Duo.

There was silence for a moment, and then he could hear Quatre talking softly, though he couldn't understand any of it. After another moment he could hear the shuffling of clothes and footsteps. They were leaving.

*Finally.*

"They're gone now Heero. Open up," Quatre said quietly.

~()~

Quatre waited anxiously outside the door.

"Just go..." he could barely hear Heero's whisper.

"I'm not going anywhere. Open the door."

He could hear Heero moving inside. When he spoke again, he was closer to the door. "Quatre listen, I'm doing this, you can't talk me out of it. You're wasting your time."

"I don't plan to talk you out of it. Open the door." The last was an order.

There was a click. The door slipped back a half an inch. Quatre set his jaw and pushed the door the rest of the way, only to stare straight into the barrel of Heero Yuy's gun.

He closed the door behind him and locked it.

~()~

Heero watched as Quatre absently locked the door, still looking directly at his gun. He hadn't seen Quatre in a while, longer then he'd thought. His hair had gotten longer and he looked a little taller, though still not as tall as Heero was.

He didn't have any more time to examine the changes though. Quatre started to walk forward.

Heero's grip tightened on his gun. "Don't come any closer," he warned.

Quatre kept walking.

Heero's hand shook. "Stop! I mean it Quatre, don't come any closer!"

Quatre kept advancing until the gun pressed up against his forehead. "Pull it." Another order.

Heero stared at him, his eyes widening a little. His hand shook more. "What?"

Quatre breathed out slowly. Looking thoroughly calm he repeated, "Pull it."

~()~

They stood there for a moment until Quatre dropped slowly to his knees.

The gun followed him.

He stared Heero straight in the eyes. "Please Heero, kill me, I'm begging you." he closed his eyes as tears started to run down his face.

After a few moments the gun dropped and Quatre felt a hand pulling him up.

~()~

Quatre jerked away from Heero's grip. His eyes were blazing and he was shaking with what Heero supposed was anger. "What do you think you're doing?! I said kill me!"

Heero just shook his head. "You don't mean it." He sat down on the floor, back against the wall and closed his eyes. He heard Quatre sit as well.

After a while of silence Quatre spoke up, "why?"

"'Why' what?" Heero asked without opening his eyes.

"Why are you going to kill yourself?"

"Do you really need to ask?" Heero opened an eye to peer at Quatre, he was staring at him intently, his eyes blank.

"Yes," Quatre answered. "You want to talk about it, otherwise you wouldn't have opened the door."

Heero didn't answer right away. He turned his gaze to the far wall before saying simply, "guilt."

"'Guilt'? What are you guilty of?"

Heero looked back at Quatre as if he were insane. "What do you mean what am I guilty of? I killed innocent people! I-I..." he trailed off, searching for what he was trying to say.

"You were doing exactly what we were all doing, fighting for peace. We did the right thing Heero."

"You lie. It was never the right thing. I'm far from innocent."

"You may not be innocent, but it wasn't _all your fault, you can't take all that on yourself-"_

Heero shook his head. "You don't understand. How could you understand?"

"I don't understand?!" Quatre yelled furiously. "_I don't understand!?" he closed his eyes, trying to calm himself down. When he looked a bit more in control, he spoke again, "you think you're the only one who regrets every day of you're life? You think you're the only one who can't sleep at night because you hear the cries of all the children whose parents were killed trying to protect them? Do you think you're the only one who wishes for release but can't have it? You're being selfish."_

Quatre was shaking again.

Heero looked at Quatre again, this time noticing how much he'd changed. He looked tired and thin, too thin.

"I meant it when I asked you to kill me," Quatre said quietly.

They were silent for a while after.

~()~

Wufei had tried to get Duo to settle down. After a lot of coaxing, a cup of hot tea and the threat of using force, he finally got Duo to sit in a chair in the room next to Heero's.

"What if he does it 'Fei? He-he wouldn't, would he?" Duo held his cup in shaking hands, looking up at Wufei hopefully.

"No. Quatre's in there, he wouldn't let Yuy do anything stupid."

"But-but what if...he..." Duo broke down sobbing again.

Wufei walked over quickly and took the teacup from his hands, setting it on the table. He caught Duo as he slid off the chair to his knees and held him.

"Oh god 'Fei, I can't lose another one. Please God, don't let me lose him," Duo whispered into Wufei's shirt.

Wufei just tightened his grip. *Don't let us down Quatre.* he kissed the top of Duo's head.

"Please God..." Duo repeated.

~()~

Trowa leaned against a wall in the living room. His face was calm, collected, though his mind wouldn't stop.

*You could have been nicer to him.*

*He's not dead yet, it's not too late.*

*He has problems just like the rest of us, but what did you do? Nothing. You pushed him away like he was a freak.*

*Tell him you're sorry. It could help.*

*It's too late. What difference could I make? Besides, Quatre's in there, and he told us to leave. I shouldn't bother them.*

*What's taking so long?*

*How long has it been?*

He opened an eye and then closed it.

*Almost a half hour. How long will it take?*

*And if he lives? What will you do? Will anything change? Won't he just keep trying? Isn't this just worthless? He has problems.*

*We all have problems, you don't see me locked in a bathroom with a gun.*

*That was cruel.*

Trowa pushed himself off the wall, tired of his own thoughts.

~()~

"When did this start?" Quatre asked, breaking the silence.

"What do you mean?" Heero asked, not bothering to open an eye.

"I mean this." Quatre gestured around them though he wasn't looking either. "Suicide, depression, everything. When did we get this way?"

Heero shifted, resting his arms on his knees. "I don't remember. For as long as I can remember I've been like this. I was a murder before I even understood what the word meant." his voice never shook; he was under control again, though he never let go of then gun.

"Me too." Quatre said softly.

His words surprised Heero. He looked over to see Quatre was calm again, his eyes were closed, but lightly, not held shut to ward off tears.

"What do you mean?" Heero asked.

Quatre opened his eyes and looked right at Heero. "I killed my mother." When Heero didn't comment, he went on. "I found out from one of my sisters..." he hesitated slightly at their mention and his gaze fell to the floor before he continued. "Half of my life I was lied to. My mother died giving birth to me, I was naturally born and I didn't know it. I still hated my father when he died because of it."

"That doesn't make you a murder, Quatre. It was obviously their choice."

Quatre looked up sharply. "Oh yeah? That's not what they said! She would still be alive if it wasn't for me! I killed her..."

Heero could feel his anger rising. "What? Who said that?"

Quatre looked away and didn't answer.

"Quatre? Who said you killed her? They lied. You can't be blamed."

"This isn't about me," Quatre said quietly.

"Quatre, you can't go-"

"The subject is closed, Heero." though not very loud, Quatre's voice was clear and had that tone that told you it was an order.

*I wonder when he learned that? I guess being the heir to a fortune makes you like that.* something in his last thought caught Heero's attention. Quatre's clothes, they looked faded and thread bare.

*That's odd.*

"Quatre, did something happen?"

"No." his reply was almost instant.

~()~

Wufei slowly woke up, first becoming aware of how cold it was. He shivered and noticed he was missing the familiar warmth next to him. His eyes snapped open. He was on the armchair, where he'd been sitting with Duo. Where _was_ Duo?

He got up, wondering if Yuy was dead yet.

He wasn't being very sympathetic, but so what? The bastard was hurting _his Duo. He should die already._

*No, that would only make it worse. You had better get through this, Yuy.*

He stepped into Heero's bedroom.

Curled up, sleeping by the bathroom door, was _his Duo._

Wufei clenched his jaw and grabbed a blanket. "Baka, you're going to catch a cold." he covered the sleeping figure with the blanket and kissed a cheek still wet with tears.

~()~

Trowa stared blankly at the TV, the only thing that could keep his mind from his disturbing thoughts. There was a noise near him and his eyes flicked to the spot. Wufei.

"Are they still in there?" Trowa asked.

Wufei nodded. "What are you watching?"

Trowa looked back at the TV screen, blinked a few times and said: "I don't know."

~()~

Quatre knew they'd sat there for hours, his stiff limbs told him that much. Exactly how long, he didn't now.

"Why did you want me to kill you?" Heero asked after a while.

"I told you, the same reason you had for wanting to kill yourself."

Heero shook his head and looked at him. "But why now? Why not after the war? Why not when you found out about your mother?"

"I couldn't do it," He said quietly. "I tried, but I couldn't get myself to. Maybe deep down, I thought it was wrong, or maybe I'm just a coward. What about you? Why now?"

Heero shook his head. "I've tried before as well, it's become almost every day." he looked down at the hand that held the gun.

"I know," Quatre whispered.

"Quatre?"

"Hm?" Quatre answered, looking up.

"I'm going to die soon. Humor me. What happened?"

Quatre looked away. "I don't know what you mean."

"You know exactly what I mean. You leave all of the sudden, we don't see you for three months then you call saying you were moving out. Obviously something big happened, what was it?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Yes you do, you've been hinting at it since you got here."

Quatre sighed. "You're right. I-I just need..." he trailed off as tears welled up in his eyes. He tried to brush them away but they kept coming. He gave up and dropped his head in his arms.

Heero, seeing his old friend pain, actually followed his own advise and followed his emotions. Immediately, without thinking, he reached over to hold Quatre. However, as soon as his arms wrapped around him, Quatre jerked and threw his hand out, knocking Heero back.

"Don't!" Quatre yelled as Heero fell.

Heero felt the spot where Quatre pushed him. *It was like a child, there was no power in it what so ever.* it was shock that had made him stumble, the usually gentle man had sounded so fierce.

Quatre was shaking again.

Heero's features clouded. He reached over and grabbed Quatre's arm.

"No! Don't touch me!" Quatre practically screamed. He was backing against the wall like a scared animal, but Heero easily overpowered him. He grabbed Quatre's wrist and pulled back his long sleeve.

*Oh god!*

Quatre's whole arm was deathly thin. Heero looked up at Quatre.

*Why didn't I notice it before?*

Quatre pale skin was stretched over his skull, there were dark circles under his eyes and he seemed to be shaking half time.

"Quatre when was the last time you ate?"

Quatre was silent.

"Answer me!"

Quatre looked back at Heero, eyes like cold, clear ice. Without speaking he jerked his arm out of Heero's grip and pushed his sleeve back down. Quatre started to stand but faltered. Heero was quickly at his side, only to be pushed away.

"I don't need your help!" Quatre snapped. He started to walk towards the door when Heero pulled up his gun.

"Freeze," Heero ordered.

Quatre looked back, his expression blank, then turned back to the door.

Heero grabbed his arm. Quatre tried to squirm out of it but Heero just tightened his grip and dragged him back towards the wall.

"Sit." he gently pushed him towards the wall.

Quatre slumped to the floor as Heero sat directly in front of him.

"Talk."

Quatre stared him straight in the eyes and stayed silent. They sat like that for a few minutes until Quatre finally gave up.

"I left to go see my sisters," he started. "A family reunion, or so I thought. Heero I..." he trailed off, cleared his throat and started again. "I made a mistake. I swear it was just once, I-I thought..." Quatre was desperately trying to get under control.

"What did you do?" Heero asked, his voice sounding as insincere as always.

Quatre shook his head and whispered, "they said it would make me feel better..." he sat on the floor holding himself, trying to hold back the tears that were streaming down his face.

"Drugs," Heero said, it wasn't a question.

Quatre nodded. "I was sorry afterward, I never did it again. But they didn't care."

Heero put his hand on Quatre's arm, he flinched but didn't shake him off. "You have to calm down. What happened with your sisters?"

Quatre closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths. "They found out, I don't know how, but they did. Th-they said that they couldn't have that in an heir."

"But your sisters..." Heero was confused. All he had heard about them was how much they loved their younger brother, Quatre used to tell them how much fun they would have when he met with them.

Quatre shook his head. "One of my older sisters, Kayla, blamed me for the death of my parents...she-she says it's my fault..."

Though Quatre had never talked about the death of his father, Heero knew of it. "Quatre, that's impossible. She was just trying to blame you so that she would feel better. You can't let that get to you."

Quatre shook his head, "I-I know I didn't kill my father..." Quatre trailed of again and was silent.

"Go on," Heero encouraged, well as much as he could anyway.

"So when Kayla found out about...my mistake, she convinced the others that I wasn't a fit heir."

"They disinherited you?"

Quatre's bottom lip quivered. "They disowned me."

Quatre broke down sobbing again, this time when he didn't object to Heero's arms, he actually clung to him, burying his face in Heero's shirt.

When Quatre was calmer, Heero asked, "why didn't you come back? Why didn't you say anything?"

Quatre pulled back, wiping his eyes. "I couldn't face you guys. I felt terrible. I just wanted to be alone."

"Why didn't you tell...us?" He had almost said 'me'.

*Why _would_ he tell me? It's not like we ever talked before.*

"I couldn't tell Trowa, he has such a good relationship with Catherine, he would end up telling her...I couldn't have either of them feeling sorry for me. I obviously couldn't tell Duo, he's my friend, but he can't keep a secret."

"Why didn't you tell me or Wufei?"

"I couldn't tell you because..."

Quatre didn't move but Heero could almost feel him pulling away mentally, he put his hand on his shoulder again. "Why?"

"Because I didn't want you to be disappointed in me," Quatre whispered.

"How could you think that?" Heero asked tightening his grip slightly.

Quatre looked up at him, sadly hopeful. The expression confused Heero, but he didn't have time to ask because Quatre shook his head and cleared his throat.

"But I did tell Wufei," he said.

That surprised Heero, though he didn't show it.

"He was the only one I could trust not to judge me or tell my secret," Quatre went on.

"Somehow, I find that hard to believe," Heero commented dryly.

Quatre smiled slightly. "That's understandable. We've been good friends for a while now, and it's amazing what a little kindness can do for a person. Wufei's a good person, but it's easy to get on his bad side."

Heero snorted. He knew that all to well.

After a few moments Quatre spoke: "Heero?"

"Yeah?"

"What about you? I came here to help you, you know. What's wrong?"

Heero was silent for a few moments before finally answering quietly, "everything."

Quatre stretched out and then lied down, placing his head in Heero's lap. Heero stiffened slightly. Quatre raised an eyebrow at his reaction before closing his eyes. Heero relaxed and closed his as well, resting his head against the cool wall.

"Alright," Quatre said. "Tell me about it."

Heero found himself telling him everything: Odin, the little girl and her dog, meeting Dr. J, his training, coming to earth, the wars. Everything spilled out along with an occasional tear.

By the time he was done, dawn was breaking; spilling pinkish light through the small bathroom window.

Heero finished, his throat dry from overuse. He looked down at the peaceful face in his lap and smiled gently, something so rare that it felt odd on his face. Though his eyes were closed, he could tell Quatre was still awake.

"Hey Quatre?"

"Hmm?" Quatre opened his eyes but closed them immediately when the sun shined in them.

"I see now why the others said it was so easy to talk to you."

Quatre smiled slightly. He opened his eyes and sat up, biting at his lip a little.

"But Quatre?"

Quatre stayed silent but raised his eyebrows slightly to show he was listening.

Heero reached over and grabbed his arm, "if _ever need anyone to talk to, I'm here. I want to thank you, for being here."_

Quatre nodded shyly. "Of course Heero."

"Come on," Heero said, standing up.

"Huh?"

Heero reached out a hand to the blond man. "We're going downstairs. It's time for breakfast."

Quatre nodded and took the offered hand.

~()~

Duo, who had been sleeping unusually lightly, heard the sound of the door click near his head. He sat up sharply to see Heero and Quatre walking out.

"Heero!" he ran over and practically jumped on his best friend. "What were you thinking!? You had me so worried! Don't you ever, _ever do that to me again! You hear me?!"_

Heero patted Duo's back while the other cried into his shirt. "It's all right Duo. I'm sorry."

Duo stepped back, wiping his eyes. "You sure as hell better be!" at that point he attacked Quatre in another bear hug. "Thanks so much Q-man! You're a miracle worker, I swear!"

Quatre chuckled and pushed Duo away gently. "Duo please, I'm starving."

Duo grabbed his stomach. "Ditto. I'll fix breakfast." He sprinted from the room yelling, "hey 'Fei! Where are you? Help me with breakfast! Heero's out! Where _are_ you?!"

~()~

Wufei came in through the back door after hearing Duo's shouts. He found Duo in the kitchen, whistling from the fridge.

"Duo?"

Duo stood up sharply, banging his head on a shelf on the way up. He rubbed the spot and smiled at Wufei. "Hey 'Fei! Come on, I'm makin' pancakes!"

Wufei smirked and walked over. "Do you know _how_ to make pancakes?"

Duo shrugged. "How hard can it be?"

~()~

Quatre laughed as he watched the overenthusiastic Duo run from the room yelling, but stopped when he noticed Heero's grim expression. "What's wrong?"

"I wish he wouldn't have done that. I don't know if I can face them."

Quatre frowned. "What do you mean? They're your friends, they'll understand."

Heero shook his head. "They hate me."

Quatre remembered his conversations with Wufei. The Chinese man was almost always upset at Heero, mostly for hurting Duo -or as he put it 'his Duo'- but hate?

"I'm sure that's not true, Heero. Come on, we'll go together." he hooked his arm around Heero's.

Heero stiffened slightly but quickly relaxed. "Thanks, Quatre."

Quatre smiled up at him. "Sure, Heero."

They walked down the stairs just as a groggy-looking Trowa was walking up. Trowa glanced at their arms but said nothing, just passed by, silent as always.

They were almost to the bottom when Trowa called back: "hey Heero?"

Heero turned.

"Can I talk to you?"

Heero hesitated.

Noticing this, Quatre removed his arm and pushed him gently forward. "I'll go see about breakfast."

~()~

Trowa waited at the top of the stairs.

"What do you need, Trowa?" Heero asked.

"I just wanted to say that I'm sorry, and I'm glad you're feeling better." Heero could tell the words didn't come easily to the usually silent ex-pilot.

He nodded. "Thanks Trowa, that means a lot to me."

Trowa nodded and Heero turned to go.

"And Heero?"

Heero turned. "Hm?"

"Quatre's a good person, he deserves a another. Good luck." Trowa added the last part with a barely visible smile and turned to go to his room.

*What's he talking about?* Heero mentally shrugged and went back downstairs.

When Heero pushed open the kitchen door, he almost fell over laughing at the scene he was greeted with.

Quatre was desperately trying to keep the eggs from burning, Duo -who was completely covered in flour- was stirring some batter that kept spilling out the sides, and Wufei was trying to flip pancakes and help Duo and Quatre at the same time.

"Duo, you're spilling all over the place! You need to stir slower! Quatre, you have to flip those or they'll- Duo! You can't eat that! It's not cooked!"

Duo looked up with a finger in his mouth and saw Heero in the doorway. "Hey buddy! Can you do this? I think I'll make toast."

Heero nodded, took the bowl and stood next to Quatre, receiving a warm smile from him. From behind Quatre he caught Wufei's eye and nodded.

Wufei nodded back. "It's good to see you, Yuy," he said sincerely.

Duo grinned like an idiot, mouthing over Heero's head: "thanks 'Fei."

Trowa came in a few minutes later. By that time the eggs were burnt, toast on fire and the pancakes were either half done or burnt as well.

"Lil' help Trowa?" Duo asked, trying to put out the toast fire.

Trowa walked to the fridge, grabbed a carton of orange juice and left, calling: "You'd better clean this up," over his shoulder.

"Thanks a lot." Duo said sarcastically.

~()~

So after a meal of cereal and little fruit cups that Duo had found in the back of the cabinet, Quatre stood up.

"I'd better get going," he said sadly.

"Aww!" Duo whined. "Come on! Please stay? We haven't seen ya in forever! You should move back in! I'm tired of having no one to talk to around here."

Wufei nodded. "We would all like you to move back in, Quatre."

Trowa nodded, as did Heero.

Quatre smiled. "Thanks guys. I think I'd like that."

~()~

Quatre looked out the window at the silvery moon.

*It's better this way,* he told himself, slipping on his jacket.

He snuck out towards the front door. The house was quiet, and if it weren't for the moonlight, it would be completely dark. He felt guilty, not saying goodbye to anyone.

*It's better this way,* he repeated the thought for the tenth time that night.

His hand reached the doorknob.

"Where are you going?"

Quatre jumped and whipped around.

He breathed a sigh of relief. "Heero, you scared me! What are you doing up so late?"

Heero must have been right behind him, he was so close. Quatre's heart was beating fast, but it was probably just from fright. *Yes. It's just because he startled me,* he told himself firmly.

"I was just going to ask you the same thing," Heero said.

Quatre looked at the floor. "Heero, you know I can't stay here. I'd love to think that all will be fine, but I can't. I'll call in the morning and say I had some business at home." he choked on the word home.

"If you can't tell me that now, how do you expect to tell them tomorrow?"

Quatre shook his head. "I'll think of something. I can't face them Heero. Every time I hear Duo call me 'Q-man' I feel like I've let him down. I need to go." he turned and opened the door.

"You can't," Heero said quickly.

Quatre turned back. "Why?"

"I need you here. I need to make sure you're safe."

Quatre frowned. "I can take care of myself."

Heero sighed and grabbed his wrist, bringing his arm up to Quatre's face. "You call this taking care of yourself?"

Quatre turned away from his unhealthily thin arm.

Heero dropped Quatre's wrist. "Stay."

"I can't."

"Please?"

Quatre bit his lip lightly. "Please Heero, don't make this difficult."

Heero lifted a shaky hand and pulled Quatre's lip out of his teeth.

"H-Heero?"

"Shh."

Quatre's eyes fluted shut as Heero leaned down, lightly touching Quatre's lips with his own. Heero unzipped Quatre's jacket, wrapping his arms around his waist as Quatre parted his lips, deepening the kiss. Quatre shook of the jacket, wrapping his arms around Heero's neck.

They broke away from each other, gasping from lack of air.

"I need you to stay with me," Heero whispered after sometime.

"I have a feeling you don't just mean in this house."

Heero smiled and kissed him again.

"I have to go," Quatre whispered when they broke apart.

Heero dropped his hands; looking rejected as he took a step back.

Quatre closed the distance again, wrapping Heero in his arms and another brief kiss before saying, "I'm going to get my things, I'll be back, I promise."

Heero nodded quickly then pulled Quatre in for another, longer kiss.

Quatre broke away, smiling. "I'm coming back! It's just for a day or so." Quatre walked backward through the door he'd forgotten to close. "Bye, Heero." he closed the door lightly.

Walking down to his car, he wiped away the tears that were in his eyes. He opened his door and looked back at the house.

*I'm sorry I have to do this to you, Heero. Please know that I love you. I have to do this, it's better this way.*

He slipped into the drivers seat and drove away.

~()~

Heero watched him go through the window. He smiled in pure joy.

*Quatre's moving back...*

He didn't feel like himself, his heart felt light and he couldn't stop smiling.

*Imagine me, not being able to stop from grinning like an idiot. Please come back soon, Quatre. Come home.*

He watched the small car pullout of the driveway.

*Bye, Quatre.*

He watched until he couldn't see it anymore then got up and stretched. He was tired, he felt like he hadn't slept in years. In a way, he hadn't.

He fell into his bed, immediately falling asleep. He dreamt of Quatre that night, what they'd do together when he came back.

But unbeknownst to him, Quatre never planed on coming back...

The End

~~~~~~

Nikki: ::sob::

Quatre: but... but.....

Nikki: I'm so sorry Quatre-sama!!!!

Quatre: but... but...

Duo: hey! I don't cry _that much!_

Heero: Neither do I...

Quatre: but.....

Heero: I wasn't in character. How could you make me grin like an idiot? I don't even think I _can_.

Quatre: but....

Nikki: I'm sorry! I didn't mean it to turn out like that! It just did! I didn't mean to make Quatre so...well so how I made him!

Wufei: I'm just not going to comment.

Trowa: .....

Wufei: my thoughts exactly: .......

Quatre: but..... But.....

Nikki: so sorry.....

Quatre: I could have got some!!!

Others: O.o

Quatre: why did I leave? I didn't want to leave!

Others: o.O

Nikki: ::cough:: Well, uh, anyway...Did ya'll like it? Hate me? Well ya would have if I had gone with my original plan of making it a one shot and just dropping it there.

Quatre: ::raises hand:: but I hate you.

Nikki: Sorry Quatre, but you can't get any yet.

Quatre: ::pout::

Nikki: Anyway! Please review, they mean so much to me! Thankies for reading!

- Nikki and her bouncing bishounen!

Wufei, Heero, Link and Trowa: I'm not bouncing.

Nikki: ::sigh::


	2. Withdraw

Hi!  
Nikki here ^_^ I thought I'd take this time to tell ya'll a few things 'fore we start the fic... 

The first chapter *was* meant to be a one-shot (I know, I already said that ^_^;;) but then I thought of a sequel...then the sequel turned into a trilogy...then a quartet...you see where this is heading? The fic *is* finished...though the chapters need some looking over, adjustments and such, ya know. This will, for the most part, be angst ::points to subject:: I am downright evil to the characters sometimes...I love them T_T but for some reason, I hurt them...

I think that's it for now! Thank you to everyone who reviewed! You're all so kind and great and I love you!! ::huggles reviews::

I think I need to shut up now, ne? Here's the next chapter ^_^  
Nikki :-P

Series: Phoenix  
Name: Withdraw  
Archive: Nikki's Realm http://www.geocities.com/mageofthewinds/index.html anywhere else, just ask ^_^  
Feedback: If you would be so kind ^_______^ it would be cherished.  
Genre: Drama, Romance  
Couples: 1+4, 5x2, ?x3 (Don't worry! It's a guy!)  
Rating: PG-13 

Key:  
~()~ Break  
*Thought*

Description: Heero's been waiting but Quatre hasn't shown up yet. Duo starts to worry because Wufei's been staying away a lot. And what's up with Trowa?

Warning: Shounen-ai, curses, **Yaoi implications**

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, any of it's characters, story lines or anything really ^_^ I'm an amateur doing this for my own amusement and maybe yours. Please don't sue me?**  
  
**

**Author's note:**

Hi! A warning about this chapter: I had most of the fic all written out and I was editing it one day. Well, my computer was actin' all funny anyway but while I was editing this chapter it started to freak out. Well, being an idiot, I tried to save it. It saved right before the thing froze and I had to restart.

Well, I came back to it after and the whole thing was completely gone! Because I wanted to save a few changes, I erased a whole chapter! So this was written all be memory, it sounds different and a little funny when I read it, but it's the best I can do.

Okay! To the fic already ^_^;;;

Withdraw 

By Nikki :-P or Nataku's Child

~

Phoenix  
 : a legendary bird which according to one account lived 500 years, burned itself to ashes on a pyre, and rose alive from the ashes to live another period; also : a person or thing likened to the phoenix  
-Merriam-Webster's Dictionary

~

The afternoon light was fading fast, but Heero made no move to turn on a light.

Where was he? Why hadn't Quatre come back? It'd been weeks since Quatre left, promising to be back within a few days. But there was no word from the blond man, no calls, no letters, nothing.

Heero clutched the worn fabric to his chest, shutting his eyes tight before breathing in the scent that still lingered on the forgotten jacket. Quatre had left it accidentally.

Heero blinked. *What the hell am I doing?* he looked down at the threadbare jacket. *I'm acting like a lovesick teenager.*

In disgust, he threw the jacket across the room.

*It's a thing, an inanimate object.* he chided himself. *It's not Quatre and it's not going to bring him back.*

A minute later, the jacket was carefully hung up in Heero's closet.

~()~

Quatre plopped himself on top of his faded armchair with a sigh. He was completely worn out after a long shift.

Shortly after the "bathroom incident" he'd gotten a job at a fairly nice restaurant as a waiter. It paid pretty well and the people tipped generously, but he worked long hours and it wore him out.

He felt like he could fall asleep right there, curled up in the old, though still comfortable armchair. But the rumbling in his stomach reminded him of dinner.

"Mmm...food first, then bed..." he cracked open a sleepy eye. "Well, it's only seven, maybe a quick call to Wufei will cheer me up a bit."

~()~

Wufei sighed and hung his key on one of those key holder-hooky things. Trowa had insisted on getting one after Duo had lost his keys and made everyone search for them, only to find them in his pocket a half an hour later.

He felt mentally drained. Having to work under Une's orders was not only a test of his temper, it also hurt his pride, having to work for a former enemy, even if she was "good" now. But he had is own reasons for staying with the Preventers.

Wufei pushed work out of his mind, focusing on getting his tired limbs up the stairs. Halfway up, something caught his attention. He stopped moving and listened.

The shower was running upstairs.

Wufei smirked, suddenly feeling his energy return to him. He stalked up the stairs and to the room he shared with Duo. Wufei slowed his breathing and opened the bedroom door carefully.

He could hear Duo singing over the sound of the water, "Some may say, you're safer here! Never mind them, be a pioneer!" [1]

He smiled at Duo's "unique" choice in music and crept closer. He was through the bathroom door...almost there...

A familiar ringing filled the air as Wufei's cell phone went off.

*Damn!* Wufei mentally cursed.

Duo had heard it. His soggy, smiling head popped out from the shower curtain. "Hey 'Fei!" he smiled slyly. "You comin' in?"

Wufei was about to nod; entranced by the teasing sparkle in Duo's violet eyes, but the annoying ringing brought him back to reality. "In a minute," he said quickly.

Duo pouted. "Don't be too long." he shut the curtain again.

Wufei growled and got ready to yell his head off at whoever dared interrupt 'Shower Fun' as Duo called it. He cast a longing glance back at the shower before closing the bathroom door.

Wufei growled again and flipped open the phone. "Hello?"

"Can you talk?" Quatre's soft voice spoke through the line.

Wufei mentally sighed. He couldn't say no to Quatre, much less yell at him for interrupting. Ever since the "incident" his calls had been less frequent, this probably meant he _really_ needed to talk.

He took one more glance at the door before answering, "Yes, let me call you."

He could hear Quatre breathe a sigh of relief. "Thanks, Wufei."

Quatre had been low on money lately, his new job helped, but it was still better if the bill was Wufei's, they usually talked too long for Quatre's budget to handle.

Wufei hung up and went to his office; it was the only place he could be safe from the others walking in. One day Duo had learned the hard way not to barge in when he was working, since then his lover stayed clear of the office altogether.

Quatre picked up immediately, his tired, though still cheerful face showing up on screen. A videophone was the only thing Wufei insisted on buying him. After he had seen him a few weeks ago, he decided he needed to keep a visual check on Quatre's health.

"Hi, Wufei," Quatre greeted, his voice as cheerful as he looked.

"Hello, Quatre. Is everything alright?" he asked, trying not to sound too worried.

"Everything's fine," Quatre assured him. "I just wanted to see how everyone was doing."

Ever since the "Bathroom Incident" Wufei had learned that whenever Quatre asked how everyone was, it usually meant 'how is Heero doing?'

"Not good," Wufei answered.

"He's still staying in his room?"

Wufei nodded. "He only comes out when he has to. I don't see how this is helping him."

Quatre looked away. "We've been through this before, I'm not ready for him yet."

"He doesn't deserve you!" Wufei growled. "How could you ever think-"

"Please don't, Wufei," Quatre pleaded softly.

"I'm sorry."

Wufei had been against Quatre's love for Heero ever since the blond had told him of his feelings. Wufei had insisted that Heero wasn't good enough for him, but Quatre insisted that it was the other way around. No matter how many times they argued over the matter, Quatre didn't budge, he still felt he wasn't good enough for the "Perfect Soldier". For the hundredth time that week alone, Wufei cursed Quatre's sisters for smashing his friend's already frail self-confidence.

"So how's the new apartment?" Wufei asked, trying to change the subject.

Quatre smiled, grateful that he'd dropped the long-standing argument. "It's great! Everything's all moved in and it's looking pretty cozy."

Quatre had recently moved into a nicer -well, sanitary at least- apartment, he hadn't been able to afford it before his new job and he'd refused to take any of Wufei's money, minus the vid-phone expense.

"I'm glad. You look better, Quatre."

Quatre looked down to hide his blushed. "Thanks, Wufei." he mumbled.

Though he was still thin, Quatre had gained more weight. His color was back to normal and he looked happy...

Well, almost.

~()~

A soggy and very angry Duo Maxwell stepped out of his room, wearing only the towel he held around his waist.

*Where is he? He's missing 'Shower Fun'!*

He'd stalled in the shower for as long as possible, but he'd started to get prunie and decided to go in search of his missing lover.

*Wufei, I'll make you pay for making me look like one of those creepy Dancing Raisins!*

Pissed off and soaking wet, Duo walked into the living room. Trowa was there, reading a book. He looked up, saw the half naked Duo, raised an eyebrow, and then returned to the book.

But no Wufei, Trowa was alone.

Duo growled, something he'd picked up from his 'Fei. He stomped up the stairs and was about to go do something that would make Wufei regret leaving him in the shower, when Wufei's office door caught his eye, it was closed, which meant he was in there.

Duo bit his lip.

*I can either go in there, get yelled at, yell at him and end up sleeping alone tonight. Or I could go back, finish my shower and go to bed, and still be alone,* he reasoned. *It could be an important call...but what's more important then 'shower fun'?*

Curiosity won. With practiced stealth, Duo snuck up to the door and pressed his ear against it. He could hear Wufei talking with someone, though he couldn't hear the other person's voice.

"No, I haven't told anyone about you, don't worry." Wufei assured his caller.

Duo caught his breath. *No,* he thought. *It can't be what you think.*

"Before you go," Wufei said after the other person said something. "I'd like to come see you Saturday, if you don't have anything planed."

Duo held his breath while the other person spoke, though he still couldn't make out the words.

"It's no trouble." Wufei answered.

The person spoke again. Duo strained to hear what it was saying but it was useless.

"Then I'll see you Saturday." Wufei went on. "Wear something nice, I'm taking you out."

Duo moved back from the door and looked down at his hands, they were still clutching the towel to his waist.

He was taking this person out? They never went out together, Wufei always said it was a waste of money.

*Maybe that's not it at all, maybe he's ashamed of me, maybe-* The sound of Wufei's good-byes and his chair rolling back brought Duo back to reality and away from his over-active imagination. Gathering up his falling towel, he ran to their room.

He made it through the door, dropped the towel and jumped into the shower, closing the curtain and turning on the water just as the bedroom door closed.

*There's gotta be a good explanation, it was probably work or something,* Duo thought as he rinsed his slightly dry body, so it wasn't too obvious that he'd been out.

He smirked in spite of his troubled thoughts as he heard Wufei trying to sneak up on him again.

*Really, 'Fei. I lived on the streets for years, you gotta do better then that.*

Wufei's steps were close.

Dropping his smirk, Duo popped his head out and pouted. "And what took you so long?" he asked.

Wufei looked disappointed. He shook his head. "Work," he explained.

*See? Told you so!*

*What about '_No, I haven't told anyone about you, don't worry.'?*_

*....I'm sure he has a perfectly good explanation.*

Duo smirked and pulled the curtain back completely. Tilting his head slightly he asked, "so, are you comin' in?"

Wufei took a moment to admirer Duo in all his glistening glory as he stood waiting. Still in a trance, Wufei smirked and climbed in. He pinned Duo to the wall by the wrists, kissing him fiercely.

When they broke away for breath, Duo looked down and raised an eyebrow. "Uh, 'Fei?" he smiled. "Are you aware that you're still fully clothed?"

~()~

Moments later, in different parts of the house, two pairs of eyes rolled and two minds shared the same thought:

*Do those two ever stop?*

~()~

~The Next Day~

Duo was jogging towards the stairs, on his way up to his room. He'd just finished a light snack of popcorn, kool-aid, a slightly stale pop-tart, and some leftovers from the previous night's dinner...well, it was light for _him _anyway...

Wufei was off at work and Duo was going to their room to find something to fend off boredom until he returned. Duo hummed softly to himself as he padded up the stairs, towards the stash of manga he kept for just such an occasion.

But as he passed Heero's door, he stopped. A small frown forming on his lips, he turned around.

Heero had kept to his room for a while now, ever since...

Duo swallowed. The memory of the day Heero threatened to commit suicide still made him feel cold, the fear of loosing someone so important to him was still fresh in his mind. The frown deepened. Heero wasn't social by nature. In fact, he had always preferred the solitude of his room, rather then roaming the house or working in the living room.

Duo walked slowly towards Heero's door, until he stood right in front of it.

*Heero must still be hurting...and with Quatre leaving so suddenly...I wonder what happened with those two anyway...*

Duo lifted a hand and made a fist, ready to knock...

*I could just be over-reacting...I mean, he could just be busy with work...or he could be fine now, he just wants to be alone, like always...but still...*

Duo stood ready to knock for a few more minutes, before finally dropping his hand.

He sighed softly. *Even if something was wrong...would he even talk to me?*

After a moment's hesitation, Duo turned away from the door.

~()~

~That Saturday~

Quatre smiled brightly as he put on his best shirt, it was old but still in good shape since he didn't wear it much anymore. He hummed as he combed his hair. Wufei was picking him up soon, it was going to be nice to see a friend again.

~()~

Duo sat on the couch, flipping through the normal, boring Saturday afternoon programming. It was too late for cartoons and still too early for old movies, so in short, he was bored.

He brightened when Wufei came downstairs.

*Finally! Something to do...pun not intended.* He smiled at his own joke but it soon faded. Wufei was going out, or at least he was dressed to go out.

"Where you goin' Wu-hun?" he asked.

Wufei didn't turn from the closet where he was getting his jacket. "Work."

"On a Saturday?"

Wufei nodded. "Une's a slave-driver." He was halfway out the door.

"What?" Duo asked. "No goodbye-kiss?"

Wufei sighed. He walked over, gave Duo a quick peck on the cheek, and was gone before he could be held back any longer.

*So what if the 'Mysterious Stranger' said it'd meet him Saturday?* Duo thought, staring intently at the door. *Wufei wouldn't lie, he probably had to cancel it to go to work,* Duo thought as Wufei closed the door behind him.

*Oh? Then why was he dressed like that? It was nice, but not work nice, or at least what Une calls work nice.*

*It's nothing. Wufei wouldn't lie to me.*

*_'__No, I haven't told anyone about you, don't worry.'*_

*Stop that! It's_ nothing.*_

~()~

Heero typed at his computer, his fingers moving so fast that it seemed as though he wasn't even thinking about what he was typing, he was just spelling out nonsense words for the hell of it.

In truth, he _wasn't _thinking. Not about work, anyway. The work he did for the Preventers was so easy and mundane that he did it with as little thought as possible, his mind preoccupied with other things. He couldn't remember the last time he actually had challenging or even rewarding work.

His fingers flew across the keyboard as his mind wondered, only snapping back when a sharp sound met his ears.

Someone was knocking.

"Hey, Heero, you in there?" Duo.

"Yeah."

The door opened and Duo cautiously stepped in, squinting in the dim light. The shades were all closed, so that even in the bright hours of the afternoon, the only source of light was the glow of Heero's computer screen.

"What do you need?" Heero asked, never turning from the computer, or even slowing in his rapid typing.

"Nothin', I was just bored, thought I'd come see what you're up to...what's up?"

"Nothing. I'm working."

"Oh..." Duo fell silent for a little while, looking around the room. "Are you hungry or anything?" He asked after a while. "Do you want me to get you anything? Or...anything..."

"I'm fine. I have a lot of work to do, Duo."

"Oh...heh, sorry." Duo put his hand behind his head. "I didn't mean to bother you...I guess I'll go..." he said awkwardly, before making his way to the door.

As Duo was about to close the door behind him, he popped his head back into Heero's room, focusing intently on his carpet. "If...you ever need to talk or anything...I'm always here for ya buddy..."

Heero's fingers paused. Without the constant sound of keys tapping, the silence of the room pressed on the both of them. Though the light didn't change, the darkness in contrast to the light from behind Duo made it seem more depressing to Heero.

After what seemed like an eternity, Heero finally answered. "I know, Duo...thank you."

Duo nodded and left.

~()~

Wufei smiled as Quatre eyed his menu hungrily.

He'd grown fond of his fellow ex-pilot over the years. Quatre had become something like a younger brother to him, though they were around the same age. Wufei felt a strong protectiveness and a fierce pride for the smaller man, he doubted he could have come out of a situation like Quatre's and still stayed so...himself.

"Everything sounds so good!" Quatre exclaimed. "I don't think I can choose!"

Wufei chuckled. "You can order anything you want."

Not to mention Wufei had the tendency to spoil him.

Quatre smiled. "Thank you Wufei, I don't know when was the last time I ate somewhere this nice."

"It's my pleasure. Quatre, we need to talk."

Quatre looked up from his menu. "Is something wrong?" he put down his menu, looking worried. "Is everything alright with you and Duo?"

*That's so like him, thinking of us first.*

"We're fine. Quatre, you need to come back home."

~()~

*Home,* Quatre thought longingly. *Come home. It sounds wonderful, but too good to be true.*

To have heaven for a day, only to have it ripped from you is torture. The day Quatre went back was heaven, in his home, with his friends.

His friends...

Duo, with his odd sense of humor and positive outlook, even if it wasn't always genuine.

Trowa, with his silent support and occasional philosophy.

Wufei, with his strong sense of what was right and a dark humor that went so well with Duo's.

And Heero...

Gods, he loved Heero. He'd known for a long time, though at first he thought it was only bond created by the war. Heero was so strong, not just physically, but he had a strong spirit and a pure heart. He could do anything he wanted to, he could have anything he wanted, but he seemed content to live normally.

Perfect. The Perfect Soldier. Quatre had heard the name before, and it was scary how well it fit Heero, because he wasn't a soldier any more. The war was over, and life's moved on. But Heero needed help, he still hadn't moved on, he was still the Perfect Soldier. He needed someone to help him, someone strong.

*But I'm not strong. I can't help him...I can't...*

He'd tried once, he thought he was ready, but he was wrong and as a result, he'd lost everything. He'd lost his family, he couldn't face his friends, and had no money, nothing. One mistake and it was all over.

This time he'd do it right, this time he'd be strong enough.

~()~

Wufei waited as Quatre thought it over. He knew this was hard for him, even if he didn't understand why.

"I'd like to," Quatre said finally. "And I will, but not now, not yet, I'm not ready yet."

"Quatre-"

"I know," Quatre said quickly. He smiled weakly. "I know."

Wufei sighed. Once again, he cursed Quatre's sisters.

"Come on," Quatre said. "Let's order, I'm starving."

Wufei smiled at his eagerness. "Alright."

~()~

Duo paced his room. It was late, _too_ late, and Wufei hadn't come home, hadn't even called.

"It's nine 'o' clock, do you know where your koi is?" he said, imitating a newscaster's voice as he flopped down on his bed.

Duo growled. "Okay! Let's review. One: Wufei gets a call on his cell and chooses to take the call in his office instead of 'shower fun'. Fact: 'Fei loves shower sex."

"Two: 'Fei tells 'Mysterious Stranger' that he didn't tell anyone about it."

"Three: Wufei said he'd meet 'Mysterious Stranger' Saturday, telling it to 'dress nice' and says he's taking it out. Fact: Wufei doesn't like going out."

"And finally, four: he said he was going to work, he's not wearing work clothes and he's been away longer then even Une would keep him."

"Now, either Wufei's been in an accident and I should be worried, Une's kept him this late and _she_ should be worried or he's cheating on me and he and his floozy -be it man or god forbid, woman, should not only be worried but should be writing up wills."

Duo bounced his head against the mattress. "This sucks. This sucks. This _sucks!" he repeated with each bounce._

After his last 'this sucks' he held his breath. He thought he'd heard...

Yes! The front door had opened.

Duo sighed and got up.

*He'd better have a good explanation.*

~()~

Wufei opened the front door, hung his keys on the rack thingy and yawned. He'd gone over to Quatre's after lunch to talk and lost track of time. It was only around nine, but he'd been out all day and he felt drained.

He threw his jacket onto the couch, something that Trowa would make him pay for later, but he didn't care, he was too tired.

He loosened his collar as he ascended the staircase, thinking about Quatre's problem. He was so deep in thought that he was almost to the top before he noticed Duo waiting for him, hands on his hips, and looking thoroughly pissed.

Wufei smirked inwardly. Duo looked way too good when he was mad for his own good. Maybe, unconsciously, Wufei made him mad just to see him this way, but it wasn't something he'd admit, even to himself.

"Where were you?" Duo asked, not bothering with a "Hello."

"Work." Wufei answered, shrugging it off and walking the rest of the way, expecting Duo to move out of the way.

His braided lover didn't budge. "Work? It's past nine. Une's bad, but she's not _that _bad."

Wufei shrugged again. "I had something I had to get done before Monday."

"You're lying." Duo's voice was dry and matter-of-fact.

Wufei's mind went on alert; this was dangerous ground he was treading. Better not to take chances.

*Gods, I hate doing this!*

Wufei stepped closer, pulling Duo into his arms. Duo was stiff, not returning the embrace.

"I'm sorry," Wufei whispered into his ear. "I should have called."

"You wouldn't lie to me, would you Wufei?" Duo asked softly.

*Whole name! Shit!*

Wufei was silent, not trusting his lying skills. Instead he nibbled at Duo's ear, making the other man relax a little into his arms.

"Wufei...stop that, I'm trying to ask you-"

Wufei ran a finger up Duo's spine, feeling his lover shiver in his arms.

Duo half-moaned, half-growled. "I'm trying to be mad here, ya know."

Wufei inwardly sighed in relief. He had him.

It wasn't the actions that Wufei hated; he hated to cheapen them by making them a last resort. But over the last few years, he'd begun to cherish his friendship with Quatre, and if it meant he'd have to lie to Duo to keep it...it was a sacrifice he was willing to make.

Wufei stopped his playful nibbling and pulled back a few inches. "Do you want me to stop?"

Duo gave a defeated sigh. "No."

~()~

Trowa put down his book and looked at the clock. Nine-thirty. He smirked, something not many people saw. It was time. The others were most likely in bed, though he doubted any of them were asleep.

Getting up from his seat, Trowa crossed his room, to the closet. Drawing back his "normal" clothes, he lifted out a loose board from the floor. From the small nook he took out a heavy black chest.

Maybe he was being a little paranoid, but if anyone found the box...he didn't want to think about it.

He placed the chest on his bathroom floor before opening it. With a paranoid glance over his shoulder, he drew out his deepest secret.

First was the long black trench coat, then the black silk boxer shorts.

A small smile twitched at his lips, the boxers were his favorite pair, and the last thing he'd have any of his housemates know about.

Then came the pants, loose black cotton, he wasn't too fond of leather...

...Well, on him, that is. On his partner on the other hand...

Another dark smirk before he put the pants aside. Then there was the skin-tight black tank.

He dressed quickly; he didn't have much time, before going back to the chest for the last touches.

Make-up next. Nothing much, just lipstick, eyeliner and nail polish, all black of course. And the last, and probably most important to him, a thin silver pinky ring, which meant nothing other then that his date had given it to him.

He gave himself a quick look-over in the mirror. He frowned and brushed his hair back with his fingers so it fell to his shoulders and looked himself over again. With a firm shake of his head he turned away from the mirror. He'd be there forever, trying to look right if he didn't stop himself. Vanity, another thing he didn't want the others know.

He opened his window, smiled, and with a quick -though unnecessary- flip, he was free. Trowa landed on the slightly damp grass with cat-like grace and rose into the shadows, blending perfectly in his dark apparel.

Keeping to the darker corners, he moved down the street to his final destination, the sleek black car parked about a block away from his house.

Though Trowa was still concealed to most, the man leaning against the car turned to where he half-crouched. The man's white teeth shown through the darkness of the dimly lit street in a familiar dark smirk.

Trowa emerged, mirroring the smirk. It was something he'd picked up from the other man.

He stopped a few feet away as the dark figure's hidden gaze carefully appraised him. The man wore dark sunglasses, though Trowa wasn't sure exactly how he was still able to see in them at this time of night. Trowa waited, used to such treatment.

When the platinum-haired man was finished, he shook his head. "Trowa Barton... I swear..." he pushed himself away from his car. "If I had my way, we'd never leave the car."

Trowa's smirk faded. "Well thanks to you, Zechs Merquise, we haven't in the last month."

Zechs chuckled and got closer, snaking an arm around Trowa's waist. "It isn't so bad, is it?"

Trowa didn't move, his arms still hanging to his sides. "Because of you, I haven't been inside an actual club in that month. I need..." Trowa trailed off as Zechs' hand slid under his coat and started plucking at the tank underneath.

When he didn't continue, Zechs half-growled, deep in his throat. "You were saying something..?"

"Stop," Trowa ordered, putting his hands to Zechs' chest. That was a bad move. He could feel the warmth of Zechs' skin under his fingers. Zechs only wore a few slim leather straps across his chest, under a coat similar to Trowa's, though leather to Trowa's canvas.

[1]

Zechs dropped the shirt but started tracing a finger around the waistband of Trowa's pants. "Stop?"

*Club...club...club...club...* Trowa repeated in his mind, trying to block out the warmth that was quickly building between them.

Maybe he sensed Trowa blocking him out, or maybe he just felt like it, but in any case, Zechs leaned down and took Trowa's mouth, exploring it in almost painful urgency.

Trowa gave up his stand and slid his hands around, gripping the other man tighter.

In a break for breath, Trowa rasped, "maybe...we could...miss the club...tonight...again..."

Zechs smirked and nodded, pulling his companion over to the awaiting car.

~()~

*He wouldn't lie to me,* Heero told himself firmly. *He's never been one to lie before. He's coming back.*

*When? He's been gone for so long now, are you sure he's ever coming back?*

*He wouldn't lie to me.*

"Quatre wouldn't lie." Heero repeated out loud.

~()~

Wufei sat up in bed, listening to Duo's slow and steady breathing.

He was caught, torn between a friend -his best friend- in need and his love. He hated to lie to Duo, not to mention he wasn't at all good at it, but Quatre was so insistent on _no one_ knowing, he had to respect that.

Looking down at his peacefully sleeping lover he couldn't help but smile sadly. Duo's lips were curved in the smallest of smiles, his face relaxed in slumber.

He gently brushed away a stray strand of hair from Duo's face. "I'm sorry, Duo." He whispered. "I'm so sorry."

With a brief kiss, Wufei settled into bed and turned away from the sleeping figure beside him, unable to bring himself to hold the peaceful figure in his guilt.

~()~

Duo dropped the fake smile as Wufei's breathing slowed. Faking sleep was another one of those handy things you learned on the street. When he was sure 'Fei was asleep, he rolled over and placed a hand to his forehead.

*He said he was sorry. What would he be sorry for?*

*Cheating on you, dumbass.*

*No! He wouldn't do that!*

*How much more proof do you need? He's out late, then lies about where he's been, he's been secretive lately...face it man, you've lost him.*

Duo bit his lip and closed his eyes.

*No,* he told himself firmly. *Wufei's an honest person, someone I can trust.*

*Do you really believe yourself?*

Duo closed his eyes.

"No," he whispered.

~()~

Trowa threw his jacket onto his bed and scowled at himself in the mirror. One more night, the fifth in a row that he had "gone clubbing" and never even stepped inside one. He hadn't danced, hadn't lost himself in the crowds, and worst of all, he was completely sober.

With an angry growl and a curse to a certain tall blonde, Trowa removed his nail polish, make-up and other "un-Trowa-like" things.

This _was_ him, or at least part of him. It was release, a way to get away from him self and the others. He needed it like an addict needed a drug. The clothes, the music, the people... they were part of him, a part he wouldn't -_couldn't _show the others.

Trowa carefully folded and put away his clothes, sliding them under the floorboards. With one last longing look, he turned away and climbed into bed.

One day...maybe next week, he'd go out, with or without Zechs he was going.

The thought of his slightly taller lover brought the dark smirk to his lips.

*With or without him, I need out.*

~()~

Elsewhere in the house, Heero Yuy sat on his bed, holding the old jacket to his chest, and waiting...

To Be Continued...

~~~~

Side note thingies:  
[1] From the Tenchi Muyo! song: "I'm a Pioneer" I love that song!  
[2] Like Sephiroth from FF7! ::hentai grin::

::Hides from readers:: are you angry? Confused? Sorry ^_^;; this one's a bit...unusual... ::pops out of hiding:: Even if you're angry, I'd love to hear from ya! ^_^ I need ta know how I fair...though I assure you, it gets worse -_- whadda ya think 'bout the 6x3? I had a lil' fun with them...

Nikki :-P

PS I forgot about the Quatre/Trowa question ^_^;;; the answer is no, they were never in a relationship, only friends ^_^ the full reason why Quatre was disowned is to be explained later ::waves:: hope that helps! And sorry for the confusion ^_^;; feel free to ask questions anyone, I'll try to answer, unless it would give anything away, that is.


	3. Suspicion

Nikki: Oi, Minna ^_^ here's the next chapter o' Phoenix...you know, I was reading this over, and I realized just how much my writing has changed since I started this fic...I dun like the first few chapters, but I think the last few are a lot better! So please, please bare with me through the early chapters! I promise you that my writing isn't this bad all the way through!! T_T ::starts singing the 'I Suck' song::

Series: Phoenix  
Name: Suspicion  
Archive: Nikki's Realm http://www.geocities.com/mageofthewinds/index.html anywhere else, just ask ^_^  
Feedback: If you would be so kind ^_______^ it would be cherished.  
Genre: Drama  
Pairings: 1+4, 5x2, 6x3,  
Rating: R

Key:  
~()~ Break  
*Thought*

Description: Things are getting worse between Duo and Wufei. Heero helps a friend in need (not _that_ way!).

Warning: Heh, gets pretty yaoi-ish here, meaning it gets lime-ish. Cussing too.

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, any of it's characters, story lines or anything really ^_^ I'm an amateur doing this for my own amusement and maybe yours. Please don't sue me?

**Suspicion  
**By Nikki :-P or Nataku's Child

_~_

_Phoenix  
 : a legendary bird which according to one account lived 500 years, burned itself to ashes on a pyre, and rose alive from the ashes to live another period; also : a person or thing likened to the phoenix  
-Merriam-Webster's Dictionary_

~

"I'm sorry, I have to work late tonight," Wufei apologized.

Duo nodded, though Wufei couldn't see him since he was calling from his cell-phone. "I understand," he replied quietly.

"I'll make it up to you."

"Yeah."

"Duo, are you okay?" Wufei asked worriedly.

"I'm fine. I'll see ya later, 'Fei" Duo hung up before Wufei could answer.

Duo was glad that Wufei had called on his cell, that way he couldn't see him. He wasn't okay, far from it. Wufei had been working late and sometimes going in on weekends for the last few months now.

*Why did he call on his cell phone? He was at his office, right? So why didn't he call from his vid-phone there?* 

Duo bit his lip. *Une probably doesn't like him making personal calls.*

*But he calls from there all the time.*

Duo was chewing mercilessly on his lip, it started to bleed but he didn't care. He picked up the phone and dialed Wufei's work number.

*_'Hey Wufei? Could you pick up some milk? We're almost out.'_ Yeah, that'll work. 'Cause I'll need an excuse... 'cause he's there... he has to be there.*

It rang.

*Wufei wouldn't lie.*

And rang.

*Wufei's honest. He would never lie, not to me.*

The vid-phone clicked and the cheery image of Wufei's secretary came on.

"You've reached the Preventer's Head Quarters," the recorded message said. "The office of Chang Wufei-"

Duo hung up.

*This can't be what I think it is. There has to be an explanation.*

~()~

Quatre played with the strings that were coming out of the worn armchair. Wufei should be coming anytime now. He was going to tell him everything. It was going to be hard, but he had to, it was too much to keep to him self.

The doorbell rang.

Quatre ran to the door, opening it to a worried Wufei.

"Is everything all right?" Wufei asked immediately.

"Yes...and no..." Quatre took a deep breath. "Please come in, I need to talk."

Wufei put a hand on his shoulder briefly and nodded before stepping into the shabby apartment. When they were seated, Quatre took another deep breath and plunged in.

"It all started after I was disowned..."

~()~

Heero made his way downstairs. He wasn't sure what time it was, the only thing he knew was that it was dark. Days blended together. The only thing keeping him on some kind of a schedule was work. He had requested to do it at home, all he needed to do was get it done, _when_ he did it didn't matter.

Right now, he was hungry. The living room was dark, so he figured everyone was in bed. He put a hand on the kitchen door to push it open when he heard a small noise, so small that he wasn't sure what it was, or if he even heard it all. He flicked a switch and a bright light came on, temporarily blinding him.

"Sheesh, Heero." Duo's voice came from the far side of the room. "Warn me next time you're gonna do that."

Heero blinked and cleared his vision. Duo was -had been- sitting in the dark, slouched in one of the chairs. His eyes were red and puffy and his nose was raw, tracks ran down his face where tears had once fallen.

"What's wrong?" Heero asked, walking over to his friend.

Duo shrugged and looked down, trying to hide his face in his bangs. "Nothin'," he said.

Heero frowned. He walked over and put his hands on Duo shoulders. "What's wrong?" he repeated sternly.

Duo sighed but didn't look up. "Wufei's cheating on me," he said quietly.

Now there are a few different reactions a friend has to choose from in this kind of situation.

One: Anger. Kill the other person, ask questions later.

Two: Pity. 'I'm so sorry, he/she wasn't good enough for you anyway'.

Three: Reasoning. 'What happened exactly?'

Sure, there are probably other ways to deal with it, but these are the three that Heero considered, number one sounded perfect, but knowing Duo, three was probably the best.

"Why do you think that?" Heero asked.

Moisture dropped onto Heero's hands, Duo's tears.

"He said he had to work late today, he called on his cell phone, why would he do that if he was at work?"

"Maybe he didn't want to waste company money," Heero said.

"I called his work, he wasn't there," Duo said dryly.

"It could be for the same reason," Heero answered.

"I heard him talking to someone before, he said something like: I haven't told anyone about you."

"Duo, that could mean a number of things. You're over reacting."

Duo sighed. "Yeah...maybe."

Heero squeezed his arms a little and stood up.

"Hey Heero?" Duo called.

Heero turned back from the kitchen door that he was almost through.

"Yes?" he asked, trying his best not to sound annoyed.

"Could ya do me a favor?" he asked.

Heero turned from the door and let it close softly.

Duo took this as a 'what?'

"Could you follow him for me?" he asked.

"What?" Heero asked, surprised at Duo's request.

Duo stood and played with his collar.

"Could you follow Wufei for me?"

"Why can't you do it?" Heero asked.

Duo shrugged. "Sneaking up unnoticed is one thing," he explained. "Staying unnoticed is another. You were always right you know, I stick out too much, 'Fei'd spot me in a minute. Please Heero? I can't rest 'til I know."

Heero thought it over for a moment before he nodded.

Duo smiled brightly even though tears still wet his cheeks. "Thanks man," he said. "You're a good friend."

"Don't mention it...seriously," Heero answered dryly before going through the door, Duo's light laughter following him.

~()~

Quatre finished telling Wufei about his life after his sisters and before the 'Bathroom incident'. He had his head bowed and his eyes shut tight. Tears were running freely down his face, which was burning red with shame.

He waited in silence for Wufei to speak.

He was starting to get edgy and was about to open his eyes when a pair of strong, warm arms circled his shoulders. His last barriers broke down and he sobbed onto Wufei's shoulder. Wufei held the back of his head, stroking gently to sooth him.

"I hated Raymond so much..." Quatre whispered between sobs. "How could I do that?"

Wufei shushed him and pet his head more. "It's alright now, it's all over now."

Wufei held on until Quatre was under control.

After a few moments, Quatre pulled away and bowed his head. "Thank you, Wufei," he said quietly, barely audible.

Wufei lifted his chin to look him in the eyes.

"Quatre," he said. "Over these years you have become like a brother to me. Any problem I had, you were there to listen, and the least I can do is to return the favor. Remember, I'm here if you need me, _anytime you need me."_

Quatre smiled, his lip quivering a little. He threw himself into Wufei, hugging him with all his strength. 

"_Thank you_, Wufei," he whispered.

Quatre sat up and sniffed.

"Will you be okay?" Wufei asked, placing a hand on his shoulder.

Quatre nodded before looking up. He smiled warmly. "Yes, I'll be alright. Go home, Duo's probably wondering where you are."

"Oh gods, Duo!" Wufei looked at the clock. "It's almost two! I have to go."

Wufei grabbed his coat and gave Quatre a quick squeeze on the shoulder. "Come home," he said.

Quatre smiled. "I'll think about it."

Wufei nodded and left without another word.

~()~

Wufei silently slipped into the room he shared with Duo. As quietly as he could, he walked over to the bed. Duo was hugging a pillow in his sleep. The pillow was wet and there were tear tracks down his cheeks. He'd cried himself to sleep. Wufei's heart jerked. He sat down softly on the bed and kissed a salty cheek.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

He stood up and went into the bathroom to change.

He didn't see the violet eyes open slightly, or hear the soft sob that escaped the pouting lips.

*I'm sorry too...* Duo thought. *Sorry that I was so stupid to think you really loved me.*

The violet eyes closed again as Wufei walked back in and slid under the covers. He sat up for a moment, tracing a thumb over the tear tracks on Duo's cheeks before lying down to sleep.

~()~

~The Next Day~

Duo dumped his whole bowl of cereal in the sink and started to walk away.

"Rinse your bowl before you put it in the dishwasher," Trowa said from the table, not even looking up from the paper he was reading.

"I wasn't going to put it in the dishwasher," Duo said cheerfully.

Trowa looked up from his paper calmly for a few seconds before going back to it.

Duo shivered and went back to his bowl. That look just creped him out.

The door opened and Wufei came in with a satchel on his shoulder, his hands busy trying to tame his hair into the usual slicked back ponytail.

Duo turned and smiled brightly. "Mornin' 'Fei! Ya gonna eat?"

Wufei shook his head. "No time," he mumbled.

He finished his hair and grabbed a breakfast bar from the cupboard, putting it under his free arm. He walked up to Duo, giving him a quick peck on the lips.

But Duo had other ideas. He wrapped both arms around Wufei's waist, -though one quickly snuck down to cup a cheek- pulling him into a fierce, passionate kiss.

Wufei moaned into Duo's mouth, satchel and breakfast bar falling forgotten to the floor. He pushed Duo against the sink, creating a wet line against Duo's back where the water had spilled over a little. His hands roamed everywhere, finally resting one on the small of Duo's back, the other on the back of his neck.

Trowa looked up briefly from his paper to see the reason for the sudden silence. It was just a glance at first, but he took a few seconds longer then he should have. The dark smirk grew slowly and he had to hide it behind the paper.

*We could do better,* He thought.

Trowa looked back to the paper but glanced back up a minute later.

*Don't the need to breathe?*

He shifted uncomfortably.

*I need to call Zechs.*

He sat up, folded his paper and walked out quickly, leaving his bowl behind.

~()~

Wufei and Duo broke away and gasped for breath. Wufei picked up his things, slinging the satchel over his shoulder and sticking the breakfast bar -still wrapped- in his mouth. He reached up a hand and caressed Duo's cheek lightly, running his fingers along his jaw.

Duo smiled. "Have a good day," he said brightly.

Wufei smiled slightly around the bar and walked out.

When the door swung closed behind Wufei, Duo growled. He wiped his hand over his mouth and spat in the sink.

~()~

Heero sat casually on a bench, conveniently hidden from the other side of the street by a few low bushes and a tree. Wufei sat at a table in a small café, sipping at an ice tea and looking around, obviously waiting for someone.

Heero held a book in his hand, pretending to read and glancing up every once in a while.

He waited about five minutes. Finally, the person Wufei was waiting for arrived. Someone was standing in the way, all Heero could see was Wufei smile and stand, then he couldn't see him a moment until he sat back down. The person moved in front of him moved and Heero could see Wufei's guest.

The person was blond, but blond hair isn't uncommon, it could have been anyone. The person was small, short and thin looking from this distance.

Heero wrestled with what to do next. This person could very well be a friend of his, or a co-worker. He needed to wait it out and see just how friendly Wufei's guest was.

~()~

Quatre sat down and smiled brightly, almost blindingly so. Wufei smiled back, though not as big.

"What did you need to tell me?" Wufei asked as soon as he was settled.

Quatre let out his breath and looked up. "I've decided to move back," He said.

Wufei placed his hand over Quatre's. "That's great Quatre. We would love to have you."

~()~

Heero clenched his jaw. Wufei had just put his hand over the person's hand.

*Don't jump to conclusions,* he told himself firmly.

The blonde started talking excitedly, Wufei laughing every once in a while. Wufei's guest settled down when their food came and they eat in what looked like silence, but Heero couldn't be sure. They were finishing up their lunch, talking and drinking their iced tea as the table was cleared.

The blonde's excited hand motions started again, but Wufei said something and it dropped its hands. It ran a hand through its hair and said something, Wufei answered and the blonde covered its face. Wufei stood up quickly, moving to the mysterious person and holding it, rocking back and forth.

Heero's face darkened.

He'd been out with Duo and Wufei. When Duo would try to cuddle, or take his hand, any sign of affection in public was taken for a little while and then, with some excuse or another, Wufei would break the contact. Duo took at well; he said that Wufei just wasn't comfortable with showing affection in public.

Now as Heero watched the couple his stomach turned. Wufei was _holding someone else in public, comforting them without a second thought as to who could be watching._

Heero growled. Nobody hurt Duo. No one hurt his best friend like that without payment.

*No!* Heero forced himself to stay calm. *You will talk this out with Duo first.*

Heero turned his attention back to the couple.

*Besides,* he thought. *Maybe they're just close friends.*

Wufei and the blonde were getting up. The latter was now calm and from what it looked like, was back to its cheerful self. Heero still wasn't sure about the sex of Wufei's guest, something he should find out, for Duo's sake.

He stood up and walked closer, pretending to be passing by. He stopped at a newspaper vending machine and bought one, or pretended to anyway.

Wufei and his lunch date walked out of the small café. Indeed, the blonde was back to its usual self, it was laughing lightly. Heero knew that laugh. Risking his cover he looked up quickly, just as the two embraced.

Wufei and Quatre pulled back after a while, it seemed like they'd hugged forever. Wufei, who was facing Heero, was smiling.

"I'm so glad you've finally decided," he said. "I really hated all the secrecy."

"I'm glad too," Quatre said.

Heero felt rage burning in his heart. The outside world dissolved as Heero's thoughts raced. Everything fit together. *A lie. It was all a lie. They tricked me, they tricked Duo...and Quatre...Quatre never even...*

The hate was threaded with pain; he'd never felt so betrayed. Heero left quickly, forgetting about the paper he'd already paid for.

~()~

"I have to get back to work," Wufei said.

Quatre nodded and reached into his coat. He drew out a white envelope and gave it to Wufei.

"Could you please give this to Heero?" he asked. "It's to apologize. Don't give me that look! I'll only come back if he wants me to."

Wufei nodded and pocketed the envelope. "Even if he doesn't..." he trailed off.

Quatre shook his head. "I'll keep in touch with you, and the others, but I can't stay if he doesn't want me to."

"I've said thi-" Wufei started.

"You've said it before; he doesn't deserve me," Quatre finished with a smile. "Thank you."

Wufei sighed and put a hand on Quatre's shoulder, squeezing gently before letting go.

"I hope..." he said. "I hope everything turns out well."

"Me too," Quatre said with a sigh.

~()~

Duo paced the floor in front of the door.

*Heero should be back soon...right?*

He played with his collar then switched to chewing on the end of his braid. He let out an angry 'ah!' before running and flopping down on the couch. He'd worried himself sick for what seemed like hours.

The door clicked.

Duo ran to it and met Heero's cold gaze.

"Sit down," Heero said quietly.

That scared Duo. Heero was being quiet, downright gentle. His stomach flipped as he sat down on the couch, Heero sitting on the chair across from him.

"What did you find?" Duo was afraid to know, but needed to.

~()~

Heero took a moment to answer; he wasn't sure how to put it.

"I followed Wufei to a café around twelve," he began as if he were doing a report. "Around twelve-thirty a man entered the restaurant, and met with Wufei...I'm not sure, but I think they hugged."

Heero was watching Duo carefully, but the braided man showed no sign of emotion, he was just listening intently.

"They ate lunch," Heero continued. "Near the end of the meal, Wufei said something I couldn't hear and the man started to cry...Wufei comforted him, another hug."

No response from Duo.

"They left soon after. They embraced outside of the cafe. I was closer at the time and could hear their conversation. Wufei said that the man had made some kind of a decision, and that he was glad because he was tired of all the secrecy. My guess is that he must have been the one you overheard."

Duo nodded.

"I-" Heero stopped. This was the hardest part of all, not just for Duo, but for himself as well. "I know who the man was."

Duo tilted his head slightly. "You recognized him? Do I know him?"

"Yes, very well. Duo, I'm sorry, but it was Quatre."

Duo paused a moment as the information slowly sank in. He stood up quickly and turned to the wall, wrapping his arms around himself.

Heero stood up and put a hand on his shoulder.

Duo chuckled. "Well that could mean anything...right?"

"I'm sorry, Duo..."

"It's not true," Duo said.

"Duo-"

"It's not!" Duo turned around, rage and a faint hint of fear in his eyes. "You were mistaken. It's a misunderstanding. It's not true! I trust 'Fei, I trust Quatre, they wouldn't..." Duo choked. He swallowed and calmed down. "Wufei would never do something like that. Thank you for your help Heero, but you were mistaken."

Heero grabbed Duo's shoulders and jerked him slightly.

"Listen Duo!" he said. "I know what I saw. The way they were together..." Heero had to break to get his rage under control. "Wufei hugged him, by his own choice, don't tell me he did the same to you because I've been with you two in public."

Duo looked away.

"And I know what I heard, and you know what you heard. I'm sorry Duo, but it's true. Wufei is cheating on you, with Quatre."

Duo looked back at him, all the rage was gone from his eyes, and he looked drained.

"That bastard," He whispered before tears over came him and he collapsed into Heero's arms.

"We'll kill him," Heero said, holding his best friend tighter.

To his surprise, Duo nodded.

~()~

Wufei put his hand on the doorknob. He felt relieved and free for the first time in months. Soon the secret would be out and he could spend more time with Duo. He felt bad about having to lie. And the little time they spent together seemed odd and strained.

*Except for this morning,* Wufei thought, a smirk tugging at his lips.

He reached into his jacket and pulled out the envelope Quatre had given him. All of the sneaking around would be over as soon as he gave it to Heero, he could leave with Duo right after and tell him everything.

Wufei sighed and opened the door, stepped into the house and closed it behind him. He threw his keys and jacket on the floor. There would be hell to pay if Trowa found the mess before he had a chance to clean it up, but that didn't matter. Right now, all that mattered was Duo.

The house was dark, which was odd. Wufei wondered if they were all upstairs.

He walked in to the living room and found Duo was sitting in one of the armchairs. He looked...odd. Wufei looked closer to see he was staring into nothing, a blank expression on his face. There were tear tracks on his face, though he wasn't crying now. Heero was leaning on the wall near Duo. Heero's eyes had been closed but snapped open when Wufei walked in.

"Duo," Heero said quietly.

Duo turned his head towards Heero slowly, but his eyes caught Wufei and rested there, his face blank.

Wufei was confused, -to say the least- what was wrong with them?

Heero pushed off of the wall and walked towards Wufei, his features were cold and solid, and every muscle was clenched tight. Before Wufei could react, Heero drew back his fist and threw a crushing blow right at Wufei's face. It landed straight on his nose, breaking it with a sickening crunch. Wufei flew back and through the door to the kitchen, it swung closed behind him.

In shock, Wufei reached a hand up and gently touched his nose. He winced and drew back his hand, it was covered in blood, and he could feel the warm liquid flowing over his mouth. He wiped his lips with the back of his hand and stood up.

He hit the door and it swung open. Heero was standing calmly behind the chair Duo was sitting in.

"What the hell was that for, Yuy?!" Wufei yelled.

Heero glared at him. "Get out."

"What do you mean?! I'm not leaving! Why the hell did you hit me?!"

"Get. Out. Now," Heero said slowly. "Or I swear, I will kill you." his voice burned with barely suppressed rage.

Wufei looked to Duo, who just stared back, eyes blank and unfeeling.

"Duo-" he started.

"Leave, Wufei," Duo said coldly.

Wufei flinched at his tone; he'd heard it before. Sometimes, when Duo was fighting, he heard him use it. It was then when the title 'God of Death' fit him the most. Duo was dangerously calm right now, for the first time in his life, Wufei was afraid of his lover.

Without another word, Wufei turned and left.

~()~

Trowa watched the whole thing from the top of the stairs.

*Did I miss something?*

He'd been planning on meeting with Zechs when he'd heard the commotion. He looked back to his room.

*Maybe if I went out the window...*

He was 'dressed up' at the moment. He'd thought everyone would be in bed already since it was a weeknight. He was going to call in sick tomorrow and tell the others that something had come up with Catherine. He sighed and went to his room.

He opened his window when he got there and looked down, smirking slightly he kicked off. Turning an easy spin and then straighten out before landing softly on the grass.

Trowa stood and looked towards the house. No sign of trouble. He smirked again and walked into the shadows.

~()~

Zechs waited as patiently as possible for Trowa to arrive. In the back of his mind he wondered if the people who lived in the house that he and Trowa usually met in front of minded or even knew of their...activities.

Trowa emerged from the shadows near him. Zechs smirked his greeting and noticed the urgency that shown in Trowa's eyes. Without warning, when the younger man reached him, Trowa pinned him against the car in a passion filled kiss.

Zechs didn't object, though he was curious as to his lover's unusual eagerness. His curiosity heightened when Trowa's black-nailed hand slid over the front of his black leather pants. Suppressing the urge to just take the demented clown right then, Zechs pushed him away slightly, still keeping him tantalizingly close.

"Not that I mind the attention," Zechs started. "But why did you need to see me to soon. I realize now that that was probably a pointless question."

Trowa nodded and pressed up against the slightly taller man. "I need you," he growled into Zechs' ear. "_Now."_

With no need for further prompting, Zechs pulled Trowa as close as possible, crushing their lips together. With one free hand Zechs opened the car door.

Trowa stopped and pulled away. "Damn," he whispered.

"What is it?" Zechs asked breathlessly.

Trowa looked from the car, to his lover, then back.

"I'm really not looking forward to the car again. Do you realize that we've only twice _not _slept in the car?"

Zechs smirked and chewed at Trowa's ear. "But koi, we've never once _slept in the car."_

"That's not the point," Trowa growled, suppressing a moan as Zechs dipped his tongue in his ear.

Zechs pulled back.

"Where do you suppose we go? I can't exactly drive like this." he ground their hips together to prove his point.

Trowa griped Zechs' arms and had to take a moment until he could answer. "Neither can I," he finally managed to croak out. He looked back to where he'd come. "Well there's always..."

Zechs looked to where Trowa was looking. "We could get caught," he said.

"It is dangerous," Trowa agreed.

"Someone could hear us," Zechs said.

"It would be a big risk."

"So it's agreed?" Zechs asked, the evil smirk playing on his lips.

"Follow me."

~()~

Trowa made his way silently up the stairs, Zechs in tow. He checked Duo and Heero's rooms on the way. Both doors were closed. He turned and nodded to Zechs before tilting his head in the direction of his room. Zechs nodded back and then moved on.

Once the door was quietly closed behind them Trowa pounced. They striped each other in a matter of seconds and fell onto Trowa's bed.

The bare contact making Trowa shudder as Zechs rolled easily on top. He looked down at the half lidded Trowa. Propping himself up with one arm he ran a tinted fingernail down Trowa's cheek, running a line to his lips. His finger paused there briefly before replacing it with a soft kiss.

"What you do to me, Trowa Barton..." he whispered as he pulled away.

They could pretend all they wanted, but when it came down to it, this is how it was. Zechs was always extremely gentle when it came to love making. Foreplay was one thing, but Trowa knew that Zechs would never hurt him if he could prevent it.

"I love you," Trowa whispered.

"And I you." Zechs leaned down and kissed him gently again.

~()~

Heero woke halfway. He was in the stage between sleep and being awake, where you're aware but not able to move yet. There was a noise from outside his room. The soldier in him kicked in and he was in his doorway with a gun in his hand before he could see properly. He glanced at the clock; it was a little past three. He got ready and opened his door.

He slowed his breathing and listened. There it was, noises were coming from...

Heero rolled his eyes and started to go back to his room. They were coming from Trowa's room. Heero started to climb back into bed when the thought struck him.

*Who the hell is with Trowa?*

It seemed so...odd. Trowa had never said anything or brought anyone home before, as far as he knew, Trowa hadn't even left the house that day.

What if...?

Heero quickly got out of bed and silently made his way to Duo's room. The one he used to share with Wufei.

Heero cracked open Duo's door and sighed with relief. Duo was in his own bed sleeping, though he looked troubled. Heero closed the door again and mentally hit himself. Duo wasn't the type to jump into bed with someone just to make Wufei jealous.

Then who...

Heero fought with himself over going to see who it was...

*It's none of your business.*

*But this is Trowa we're talking about.*

*It doesn't matter.*

Heero finally decided it was a matter of security to know who it was and silently made his way to the door. He pressed an ear against it. There were soft moans and heavy breathing but he couldn't tell who it was.

"Oh...God...Zechs..." he heard Trowa say softly.

Heero backed up quickly.

*No. No, that's impossible...they...no.*

An idea accrued to him and he placed an ear to the door again. Yes, all he could hear was Trowa, so it could just be...

Heero stepped away and coughed.

*Well, what Trowa does in his own time is his business.*

Heero looked back to the door then shook his head.

*I need sleep... or alcohol...yes, lots of booze.*

Heero left the hallway and went to find his "stash".

To be continued...

~~~~

Nikki: ::finishes the 'I Suck' song with a sigh:: yes, this is odd. Oh! By the way, I'm still pretty new to citrus, hope it turned out okay, though it's only a little lime-y. So um, sorry to Wufei for having Heero punch him and sorry to Duo for making him hate Wufei and so-

Link: I think they get it.

Nikki: oh, heh, right. So anyway ^_^;;; let me know what ya think! Oh, and if you felt like you were missing something in the beginning, when Quatre was telling Wufei about something, well, ya are ^_^;; it's explained in the next chapter, which is an optional side-story thingy...yeah.  
Matta ne!  
Nikki :-P


	4. Reflections

Oh! Thank you soooo much to the people who reviewed! ^____^ You're soo nice! T_T please bare with me, I know it's a lot to read...  
Nikki :-P

Series: Phoenix  
Name: Reflections  
Archive: Nikki's Realm http://www.geocities.com/mageofthewinds/index.html anywhere else, just ask ^_^  
Feedback: If you would be so kind ^_______^ it would be cherished.  
Genre: Drama, Romance  
Couples: OCx4, 6x3  
Rating: R

Key:  
~()~ Break  
*Thought*

Description: Trowa and Quatre view their pasts. Set between chapters 2 (Withdraw) and 3 (Suspicion).

**Warning (Please Read):**

While this has very important points in the story, it involves prostitution, sexual harassment, drinking, and promiscuous sex (which means it has a lil' lime-ness). If these things bother you, I would skip this side story! If you do and are thoroughly confused, don't fret! I put a small blurb up for ya ^_^ jus' skip this chapter.

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, any of it's characters, story lines or anything really ^_^ I'm an amateur doing this for my own amusement and maybe yours. Please don't sue me?

  
  


Reflections 

(A Phoenix Side Story)  
By Nikki :-P or Nataku's Child

~

_Phoenix  
 : a legendary bird which according to one account lived 500 years, burned itself to ashes on a pyre, and rose alive from the ashes to live another period; also : a person or thing likened to the phoenix_

_-Merriam-Webster's Dictionary_

~

~I~ Quatre ~I~

Quatre lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, praying for sleep. However, rest wouldn't be granted him yet, there was too much on his mind, too much weight on his heart.

Too much suppressed pain, struggling to free itself...

Memories were coming back. He didn't want them. He wanted to forget, he never wanted to relive that pain. But it was too late. They were out.

He wasn't going to sleep anytime soon.

As tears collected on his pillow, Quatre relived his past...

~Flashback~

Quatre walked down the cracked sidewalk, pulling his jacket closer against the cold. The mid-autumn wind bit at his pale skin and he shuddered.

He was on his way home after another job search. Again, he'd come up with nothing.

"I'm sorry, we're looking for someone with more experience..."

"You don't have any references?"

"We aren't looking to higher anyone..."

After his sisters had cut him off, he'd been forced to live off of what he had left, and now he was running low. The solution was to get a job, but to an inexperienced, reference-less, and soon to be homeless young man, it turned out to be harder then he thought.

Breathing on his hands to warm them, Quatre walked on, looking forward to getting back to the small apartment he called home, and a warm blanket.

A car pulled up near him. It was nice, a luxury car, so much like the ones he used to drive. But never one to be interested in such things, he kept walking, not stopping to admire it.

A small part in the back of his mind heard the door open and someone stepping out. His senses left over from his piloting days told him the person was walking his way, but he didn't make anything of it.

"Quatre? Quatre Winner?"

Surprised at hearing his name, Quatre turned.

The man who had stepped out of the car stood a few feet away, smiling at him. He was probably in his early thirties. His light brown hair was cropped short and sensibly, he wore a black business suit; spotlessly clean, not even a speck of lint, and dark sunglasses, which he had raised to get a better look at Quatre. His perfectly straight white teeth flashed in a fake and extremely practiced smile. 

"It _is_ you!" the man exclaimed. "Do you remember me?"

Quatre looked closely. "Raymond? Raymond Sterling?"

Raymond was the owner of one of the companies Winner Resources worked with, they had met briefly to discuss something or other, Quatre couldn't remember too well.

The fake smile grew. "You do remember! Please, call me Ray."

Something prickled at the back of Quatre's mind, something felt wrong, and it wasn't just the fake smile and friendliness, something bothered Quatre about Raymond. He didn't trust him.

"What are you doing walking in the cold? Do you need a ride?" Raymond asked.

The prickling got stronger. Instinct was telling him to stay away, and Quatre knew better then to ignore his instinct.

"No. Thank you, Raymond-"

"Ray," he corrected.

"Ray. Thank you anyway, but I was just on my home, it's not far from here."

"Nonsense!" Ray said, walking over and opening his door. "It's cold out. And besides, we haven't seen each other in a while. We can catch up a bit."

There wasn't a polite way out of it; to not go was directly refusing his kindness. Besides, Ray hadn't done anything to make him suspicious before. Maybe he was just being paranoid.

Though still cautious, Quatre nodded and walked over. "Thank you," he said as he stepped in.

Ray got into the backseat next to him, closing the door behind himself. Quatre buckled himself in, but Raymond didn't bother with it. He knocked on the darkly tinted window separating them from the driver and the car began to move.

"So, Quatre," he said after a while. "I've been hearing this silly rumor, you'll never believe it. People have been saying that you've resigned from Winner Resources. This can't be true, can it?"

Quatre felt cold inside, though he didn't show it outside. Raymond knew perfectly well that it wasn't a rumor. Kayla had made it quite public that he had "resigned".

"It is no rumor," Quatre said calmly. "I have resigned from my position as heir."

"Why would you do that?" Ray asked.

"It was mutually decided that it would be better for the company if I wasn't the one to run it."

"Ah," Ray said softly, leaning back in his seat. "Mutually?"

"Pardon?" Quatre asked, knowing exactly what he said.

"It was mutually decided on?"

"Yes."

"I don't believe you," he said simply.

Quatre didn't answer.

"Where do you live Quatre?" Ray asked, seemingly casual.

Quatre didn't answer.

"Around here, right?" Ray went on. "Funny. This isn't a very nice neighborhood, rather rundown in fact."

Again, Quatre didn't answer.

"Quiet all of the sudden?" Ray leaned forward, touching Quatre's jacket lightly with his fingertips.

It took every once of willpower Quatre had not to flinch away.

"Do you know what I think, Quatre?" he didn't wait for an answer. "I think that you've been...how do I say this...abandoned. I think that your family has taken away all of your funds, your right to the fortune, and..." he moved his hand down Quatre's arm. "Left you alone to rot."

Quatre clenched his teeth.

"And now what are you to do, Quatre? Have you ever been outside of your glass case? Have you ever been in the real world? My guess, is no. My guess is that you're lost. Without daddy's money, you don't know how to live."

Quatre whipped his arm back, finally taking enough. "I thank you for the ride, but I think I can walk from here."

"I didn't mean to offend you Quatre," he said smoothly. "I just want to help you."

"Help me?" Quatre asked suspiciously.

"Yes," Ray almost purred. He scooted closer, putting an arm around Quatre. "You see, I can help you with your money problem. You don't know how to work in the real world, I have an alternate solution."

Before Quatre could answer, Ray leaned forward, pressing him against the door in firm kiss, his free hand finding it's way to Quatre's thigh, rubbing and squeezing slightly.

At first Quatre was too shocked to respond. When he did get his wits back, he pushed Ray away as hard as he could. He didn't go far.

"Look Quatre," Ray said, still too close for comfort. "I can take care of you. You're lost in this cold, dark world. I can offer shelter. I take care of you..." he ran a finger over Quatre's cheek. "...And you take care of me."

Quatre could feel himself shaking. His heart felt cold as he glared at Raymond.

"Let me out." He said, voice just as cold as he felt.

"Quatre-"

"Now." His tone left no room for argument.

"Under one condition." Without waiting for an answer, Ray pulled a card out of his pocket and placed it in Quatre's jacket pocket. "My home and cell phone number, address, and e-mail. Anytime you need me..." he slid his hand up Quatre's thigh. "I'm here."

"_Let me out_," Quatre repeated.

Ray sighed and slid back. With a knock on the window, the car slowed. Quatre opened the door immediately. Luckily the street wasn't a busy one and there were no cars around.

Quatre was halfway out of the car when Ray grabbed his jacket. Quatre turned and glared back at him.

"I'm the only one who can help you, Quatre. I'll be waiting for you to figure it out." With that, he let go.

Quatre stepped out and closed the door, not quite, but close to slamming it.

The dark luxury car drove off, leaving Quatre on an unfamiliar street. Quatre's knees shook, he quickly found his way to the curb, sitting before they gave out. He was shaking all over, and his lip quivered. He couldn't believe what had just happened.

Feeling violated and completely alone, Quatre sat on the cold curb, his head in his hands as he wept.

~End Flashback~

Feeling cold, despite the warmth of the blankets he was wrapped in. Quatre curled up, physically and spiritually. Bringing his knees up to his chin and hugging them tightly, Quatre fell further into the dark pit of his mind, absorbing himself in his memories, his pain...

And his biggest mistake.

~Flashback~

Quatre woke to the now familiar rumbling of his stomach. Slowly lifting his eyelids, he put a hand to his stomach. Shutting his eyes tightly, he ran his hand upwards over his ribs, they stuck out against his skin, the physical proof of his poverty.

Slowly, he lifted himself out of bed, feeling more tired then when he when he got in. he made his way to the small bathroom and looked at himself in the cracked and dirty mirror.

Somber blue eyes stared back at him, rimed with dark circles, the proof of his loss. His skin looked too pale and his hair was a little longer then he usually kept it. Looking down, Quatre bit his lip, tears threatening to fall. His thin shirt hung limply on his shoulders, all the muscle he once had as a Gundam pilot was gone, wasted away. The pants he wore were a little short, the drawstring pulled so tight that the ends hung too low.

Quatre turned away, ashamed of the person he had become, and headed toward the shower.

~

After his shower, the far too pale youth walked into his "kitchenette."

Out of habit, though he knew it was empty, Quatre opened the fridge, sighing heavily when he was greeted with the dying light flickering on empty shelves.

Closing the door, he looked around.

Nothing.

No food, he was out of money.

His eyes flicked to a small handwritten note. It still had tape on it from when it was stuck to his door. An eviction notice, if he didn't pay within the week, he'd be homeless.

~

Quatre lay on his bed, the only piece of furniture he hadn't pawned.

*I could go to the guys...* he shook his head. *No, I'd only be a burden...that's all I am, a burden on the world...I should just...*

Quatre sat up quickly. "No!"

*I'll never resort to suicide. Life is precious, if I didn't learn anything else from the war, I learned that.* Quatre lay back. *But what do I have? No one will higher me, not then, not now.* he opened his eyes, looking down at his hunger weakened body, more exposed since he was laying down. *Definitely not now.*

He felt so lost. He had nothing, no money, no family, he couldn't face his friends, and soon, he wouldn't even have a home...

"I'm the only one who can help you Quatre. I'll be waiting for you to figure it out."

Quatre bit his lip.

*Is that it? Have I fallen so low?*

Pressing his hand to his protruding ribs, he sighed.

"Yes."

~End Flashback~

It hurt, physically hurt to remember. He was crying so hard he could barely breath, his stomach and chest contracted as he sobbed. He felt so cold, so tired...

So alone...

~Flashback~

There was a soft knock on Raymond Sterling's office door.

"Come in," he answered, paying more attention to the papers in front of him then his secretary that entered.

The woman kept her voice soft. "Um, Mr. Sterling, a Mr. Winner is here to see you, shall I let him in?"

Raymond's head snapped to attention. A slow smile spread across his lips, unlike the practiced one Quatre had shivered over, but if the young man had seen this one, he would have had the same reaction.

"Of course," Raymond answered. "Bring him in at once."

The soft-voiced woman turned and beckoned the figure waiting just outside the door.

Quatre's eyes were cast to the floor, the picture of shame.

"It's nice to see you, Quatre," Raymond said, his voice would have been soothing on other ears. Quatre didn't answer. "Hold my calls Silvia, I'm not to be disturbed."

Silvia nodded and turned to go, flashing Quatre a warm smile before leaving.

The small sign of kindness didn't go unnoticed to the silent youth. He turned as she left, lifting the corners of his mouth as much as he could before she closed the door.

"Welcome Quatre."

Raymond's voice brought Quatre back to the situation. His small attempt at a smile dropped as he turned to his future "employer".

Raymond rose from his seat, walking over to Quatre slowly. "I'm glad that you reconsidered my offer." He came to stop in front of Quatre, smiling his plastic smile. "Have you decided to take me up on it?"

Quatre looked to the floor again, he didn't want to see that smile, or those eyes, full of victory, full of lust. "Yes," Quatre answered, barely above a whisper.

_"Perfect."  _As he spoke, Raymond lifted his hand to Quatre's chin.

Quatre resisted the urge to jerk away. *I need this,* he told himself. He closed his eyes as his face was lifted, and lips were pressed against his. He couldn't hold back the tears from falling from his eyes as Raymond paused and waited.

*This is it. He's asking me if I want to continue. I could back out now, leave and never look back,* Quatre thought to himself. But before the thought was even finished, Quatre was parting his lips. He'd lost. There was no turning back; there was nothing on that side anyway. There was only this, his last option.

Quatre gave in the last of his will as Raymond's fingers started undoing his shirt buttons.

~

Quatre turned on the shower, turning the dial to the hottest he could stand. He bit his lip against the pain of the steaming water as it hit his bare skin. Tears falling from his eyes, Quatre grabbed a brush. He scrubbed his skin as hard as he could, turning it a raw pink. He was sobbing the whole time, barely seeing the skin he was shredding.

Quatre's hand shook. He dropped the brush and fell to the shower floor, covering his face with his near-bleeding hands. Quatre wept. He hated himself and he hated what he'd done.

He wasn't sure how he had gotten to the shower, he didn't remember driving, he didn't even remember opening his door. The last he remembered was putting on his clothes and Raymond giving him a "goodbye kiss".

*Ray,* Quatre mentally reminded himself. *No! He'll never be Ray...I'll never be so friendly with him...*

Quatre clenched his mouth shut as he remembered what he'd done...He'd betrayed his love, he'd flawed perfection, he'd never be able to face him again...

"I'm sorry," Quatre whispered. "I'm so sorry, Heero." Quatre let out a half-scream, half-sob. He was shaking with rage, all aimed at himself.

*I've betrayed him. I've soiled him, soiled my once beautiful love. I can never help him, not now. I'm far too weak, too broken. I will never be worthy of him.*

He hugged himself, his nails digging into his skin, drawing blood.

"I will always be nothing," Quatre whispered.

~End Flashback~

Quatre tossed in bed, the memories haunting him in his dreams. He sat up, so quickly that his hair stuck to his tear-soaked cheeks. He brushed it back, feeling the freshly fallen tears dampening his hand.

"I hated it," he said aloud, not caring that he was talking to only himself. "I hated every moment, every touch...." His voice gave out.

In the months after that day, Quatre had nearly starved himself, trying to conserve the money. But eventually he had had to go back; eventually he needed Raymond again. It only happened a few times, and each time he would save his money, not allowing himself the smallest luxury. But he kept living, struggling to hold on to the life he had lost faith in.

Quatre exhaled, his breath shaking on his quivering lips. Bringing his knees up under his chin, Quatre let the tears run freely, not holding back, not guarding him self against the pain. He only wept. No thought, no blame, no self-pity, no self-hate, no shame. Just tears. Just release.

As his tears ran dry, and his eyes began to droop, Quatre made a decision. It was time to let it go, it was time to free him self. In the morning, he'd tell Wufei.  
  


~I~ Trowa ~I~

Trowa lay on his bed, starring at the ceiling, but not really. He was lost in thought, looking, but not really seeing.

It had been four months since he had encountered the man known as Zechs Merquise, or Millrardo Peacecraft, to some.

Trowa's lips curled in a small smile. He was one of the few who could call him that, though he rarely did.

Trowa had been indulging in his secret obsession when he'd met up with the blond man.

Trowa closed his eyes, smiling softly as he recalled that night...

~Flashback~

The heavy beat drummed in his ears. He breathed it, tasted it, his heart beat with it. He moved, his body was no longer a part of him, but a tool that the music used as its image. He was the visualization of the music.

He cold feel the heat of the bodies near him, see the lights dance over his closed eyelids, he could smell the cigarette smoke, and the after-shave of someone near him, but it was separate, it didn't matter.

This was him, this was what he was. This is what he lived for, what he thought about when he was away, what kept him from screaming at his roommates, what kept him from falling apart during the war.

Trowa was a club addict.

The lights, the people, the music and most of all the dancing, were his drug, his addiction, his obsession. This was the only place he felt like he fit, felt like him self. Whether this was his true self or merely a part of him, he didn't know.

The song stopped, and Trowa blinked himself back to reality. Not caught up in the music anymore, he noticed just how thirsty he was. The song changed from fast-paced techno to slower trance as Trowa made his way to the bar. He ordered and sat down, allowing his body a short rest.

A man sat next to him. Trowa had allowed himself a quick glance, but found himself staring. The man wore a skin tight black t-shirt, showing off well built shoulders and arms, equally tight leather pants covered his bottom half, with a small inner nod of approval, Trowa noted that his legs were well muscled as well, dark sunglasses covered the mans eyes, but the most impressive thing about him, was his hair. His platinum-blond hair fell well past his lower back. It flowed over his shoulders and a few shorter wisps brushed against his cheeks as he leaned over the bar, smiling to the bartender as he ordered.

When the bartend was busy getting his drink, the man turned to Trowa, white teeth flashing in a smile. Trowa wished he could see the man's eyes, because he looked so familiar.

"I saw you out there," the man said, tipping his head to the masses of dancing people. He spoke only loud enough for Trowa and maybe the bartender to hear. "You're a great dancer, where did you learn that?" He accepted his drink, before turning his attention back on Trowa.

Trowa shrugged. "I never learned. I've always loved music, it just comes naturally when I hear it."

"Well..." The man lifted his classes, his ice-blue eyes looking Trowa over.

Trowa nearly choked. *Why didn't I notice before?*

No wonder he had looked familiar. The blond man was none other then Zechs Merquise, former enemy of the colonies, then the earth, but almost always the Gundam pilots.

Zechs restored his odd smile and slid his glasses back into place. "Well," he repeated. "I think I need to see you do what 'comes naturally' up close, would you like to dance?"

Trowa hesitated. It didn't _seem_ like Zechs recognized him, but he couldn't be over careful, the ex-Tallgeese pilot might still hold a grudge. But he didn't hesitate long. Zechs' smile was infectious, Trowa felt himself mirror it as his doubts melted.

"Alright," he said, finishing off his drink.

Zechs stood and made his way to the mob of dancers with Trowa following. As they made their way to a less crowded spot, Zechs turned his head slightly. "Do I know you from somewhere?" he called.

Trowa's breath caught, though he didn't allow himself to stop moving, he couldn't help tensing at the question.

"You look familiar, though I can't think of where we could have met," Zechs went on.

Trowa didn't have time to answer because Zechs stopped, he'd found a somewhat empty piece of floor. He nodded to Trowa and started moving his hips to the beat.

Since Zechs seemed to not expect an answer, Trowa let go. He closed his eyes, loosing himself in the moment. He quickly found the beat and let his body move to it, not paying attention to what he was doing, just _feeling_.

As the song went on, Trowa could feel Zechs get closer, the feeling making his skin prickle. His breath quickened as he felt Zechs' hand brush against his hip. His eyes fluttered open. Zechs was smirking at him darkly. It gave Trowa the oddest feeling. Looking down, Trowa saw Zechs' hands hovering over his still moving hips. Feeling Zechs' own odd smile on his lips, Trowa put his hands over Zechs', pushing them onto his hips. Trowa glanced briefly at Zechs before closing his eyes, once again loosing himself in the music, and now, the feeling of Zechs' touch.

Taking Trowa's move as encouragement, Zechs moved closer, pressing his body against the younger man's. In time, Trowa moved his arms around his neck, pulling him down slightly so they were cheek to cheek. Eventually, they were pressed as close as possible, moving as one, both were absorbed in the music and the feel of each other against them.

Trowa was lost in a brief moment of intense stimulation. The music, Zechs, and the small amount of alcohol he'd consumed made Trowa's mind and body burn. But it was suddenly shattered.

"Trowa Barton." It was as simple as that, his name whispered into his ear.

Trowa tried to pull out of Zechs grip, but the other man just tightened it. Trowa was momentarily confused until Zechs blew gently into his ear, making him shiver and melt back into his arms.

"I remembered," Zechs murmured before starting to move to the music again.

Trowa took it as acceptance. Though maybe it wasn't wise to trust him so quickly, he didn't want the intense feelings to stop. Mind off of the subject, Trowa moved his hands to Zechs' chest, trailing his long, slender fingers down and under his shirt.

Zechs moaned deep in the throat, leaning into the slightly shorter man. Trowa could feel the dark smirk on his lips before Zechs' started sucking and nipping at his neck. Trowa's eyes fluttered closed as he indulged in the feelings Zechs' was giving him.

Trowa ran his fingers up Zechs' stomach, trailing his fingers over the hard muscles, reveling in the feel of his smooth skin. Zechs removed his lips from Trowa's neck and pulled away slightly. He tipped his head in the direction of the bar, silently asking. Trowa nodded quickly, unable to think straight.

Zechs smiled and started his way through the crowed, Trowa following closely behind. When they got there, Zechs went past the bar, to the far wall. He turned and was quickly pushed against the wall, Trowa trapping him in a fierce kiss. He responded quickly, ravishing Trowa's mouth. Trowa's hands found Zech's hair, pulling not-so-gently and making Zechs' scalp tingle. Zechs grabbed Trowa's waist, pressing them together as close as possible.

They broke away from the sense-searing kiss, both gasping for air. Zechs leaned down, his breath warm against Trowa's neck.

"I want you." He whispered.

Immediately, Trowa's body said yes, but he forced himself to consider the consequences. He would be jumping into bed with a former enemy...

*We were on the same side, towards the end...*

Who was practically a stranger...

*We've met before...*

And...

Trowa's thoughts melted away as Zechs blew gently in his ear. "Are you still there?" he asked, his voice was so low it rumbled deep in his chest.

"Yes..." Trowa breathed.

"Do you want to leave?" he asked, running a finger down Trowa's thigh.

"Yes."

~End Flashback~

*And it all went downhill from there,* Trowa thought with a small smile.

He lifted his arms, tucking them under his head as he watched the stars outside his window.

"Zechs..." he breathed.

The blond man with an evil smirk... Trowa couldn't get him out of his mind.

That first night, Trowa was sure that it was a one-time thing, a meaningless fit of passion that he'd look back on and wonder what he was thinking. But when he'd gone back to the club and seen the other man, something compelled him to walk over. He'd been rewarded with that smirk he'd began to worship, and to his surprise, and -he thought with a smile- delight, a kiss that was just a passionate as the ones they had exchanged before.

Over the months, those 'meetings' got more frequent, eventually evolving into what they had now. They began trusting each other more, telling each other where they lived, what they had done after the wars, why they went to clubs. Trowa found out that Zechs felt the same as he did, that he didn't fit anywhere else, the fulfillment he had been seeking during the war, he'd found there afterward.

When Trowa had found himself falling in love with Zechs, he'd been afraid. He'd never truly loved anyone before, and wasn't sure if Zechs felt what he did. Even though they talked a little, their whole relationship was based solely on sex. But once, as Zechs pulled away from one of their softer kisses, the words had spilled out, he hadn't intended to say them.

"I love you," Trowa whispered the words, both then, and as he sat in his bed remembering them.

At the time, Trowa had looked away, confused by his lack of control. How could he just say something like that? He felt a hand on his chin. Zechs brought his gaze back to him. He had smiled softly, not the dark one Trowa usually saw. His dark glasses had been discarded earlier, and Trowa could see the softness in his clear blue eyes.

"I love you too," Zechs had said softly, before kissing him again.

Trowa touched his lips at the memory. They were cold from the breeze coming from the open window. Getting up, Trowa shut it, standing a moment to look out at the dark night.

He loved Zechs Merquise. With every bone, muscle, cell and breath in his body, Trowa loved Zechs Merquise. And it healed his war-scared heart, to know that somewhere out there, the pale-haired man loved him too.

With an "uncharacteristic" sigh, Trowa climbed back into bed, pulling the covers over his cold skin. Closing his eyes, he fell asleep to the thought that somewhere, someone loved him.

Zechs Merquise loved him.

To be continued...

~~~~

Oh! I hate myself for what I did to Quatre! But I made it up with the Trowa fluff I think. And the little touchy-ness too ^_~ Hope ya liked. You know what I want ^_^ words of any sort are cherished.

Nikki :-P


	5. Reflections (Blurb)

Series: Phoenix  
Name: Reflections' Blurb  
Couples: OCx4, 6x3  
Rating: PG

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, any of it's characters, story lines or anything really ^_^ I'm an amateur doing this for my own amusement and maybe yours. Please don't sue me?

Reflections' Blurb

"Reflections" was a side fic written to let you know what happened in Quatre and Trowa's lives before Deathwish. It told you why Quatre is so depressed and how the hell Trowa and Zechs got together!

Here, for those of you who wished not to hear the gruesome (and citrus-y ^_~) details, are two blurbs on what happened:

Quatre's Story:  
After his disownment, Quatre lost all sense of self-worth. Alone and saddened, he went looking for a job, but with no experience and in such a distressed and miserable state, the search came up with no results. Walking home from one of these trips, Quatre met up with an old business partner, Raymond Sterling. After a talk in which he guesses Quatre's predicament, Raymond (or Ray) offers Quatre a deal, Quatre gives him his body in exchange for money (i.e. prostitution). Quatre immediately refused, but in an effort to leave Ray's company sooner, he did except a business card. Weeks later, completely broke and with a bleak out look, Quatre finally took Ray's proposal. In the months after, Quatre would near starve himself, making the money he made from his visits to Ray last as long as possible, all the while hating himself more and more and loosing what fragile love he still had for his life.

On a brighter note (or Trowa's story):  
Like the mask he wore as a clown, Trowa wore the clothes of his 'normal' self, while secretly removing said metaphorical mask from time to time and indulging in his secret life. Namely, clubbing. Finding refuge in the night life, Trowa -donning an attire made completely of black (which included his make-up)- would sneak out of the house he shared with his 'friends' and visit various clubs and bars, all in the pursuit of music and alcohol, the former being vital. Music was something Trowa had always loved, and he saw dancing as a way to express it, and to let go of his worries and doubts and just live. It was on one of these nights that Trowa meet with Zechs Marquize, though he hadn't recognized him at first. Trowa had caught the other man's eye on the dance floor and met him at the bar to ask Trowa to dance. Trowa agreed (although by that time he had recognized Zechs) and followed him to the mass of moving bodies. Eventually, Zechs remembered who Trowa was and clearly points out that he doesn't care. As the song continued, the space between the two dancing men became smaller and smaller until it was nonexistent. Which eventually led to a ::cough:: over-night ^_~ and in the words of Trowa Barton, said with Zechs' dark smirk on his lips: "It all went downhill from there."

And there ^_^ you're all caught up!


	6. Forgiveness

Hi! Look, I got the next chapter up...finally ^_^;; sorry it took so long, been busy @_@ too busy... but hey, I started on another fic ^____^ ah well. So here's more of Phoenix! And please at least let me know you're reading, I wanna know! You dun have to say much! Jus' a "hey I'm reading this"! And thank you to everyone who's reviewed so far ^____^ ::huggles reviews:: you're so nice! Thank you thank you thank you!  
Nikki :-P  
  


Series: Phoenix  
Name: Forgiveness  
Genre: Drama  
Pairings: 1+4, 5x2, 6x3,  
Rating: R

Key:  
~()~ Break  
*Thought*

Warning: Cussing, yaoi-ish-ness (yes, more implications -_-;;;), all the normal-ness.

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, any of it's characters, story lines or anything really ^_^ I'm an amateur doing this for my own amusement and maybe yours. Please don't sue me?  
  


Forgiveness  
By Nikki :-P or Nataku's Child

~

_Phoenix  
 : a legendary bird which according to one account lived 500 years, burned itself to ashes on a pyre, and rose alive from the ashes to live another period; also : a person or thing likened to the phoenix _

_-Merriam-Webster's Dictionary_

~

Trowa blinked awake, though he wasn't sure why. He glanced around and found Zechs kneeling by his bed.

"Good morning," Zechs greeted.

Trowa blinked again and sat up. "What time is it?" he asked.

"Just after five, I thought I should leave early," Zechs said.

Trowa nodded.

"God you're hot in the morning, I'd almost forgotten," Zechs said, icy-blue eyes roaming over Trowa.

Trowa smirked and ran his fingers through his hair. "Somehow, I doubt that's true." he winced as his fingers caught.

Zechs smirked and stood up before leaning over and kissing Trowa softly.

Trowa smirked into the kiss and leaned back.

Zechs stopped. "Trowa, I need to go."

"Do you want to go?"

"I need to go."

"I didn't ask if you needed to go." Trowa slid his hand up Zechs' loose shirt. "I asked if you wanted to go."

Zechs closed his eyes and stood up slowly.

"Bye Trowa," he said sternly.

Trowa slid out of bed. "Fine, I guess you're right."

Zechs opened his eyes and was greeted by a still gloriously nude Trowa Barton. Zechs smirked and pounced on the unsuspecting younger man.

"I thought you had to go," Trowa said breathlessly as Zechs nibbled on his neck.

"A few minutes won't hurt."

~()~

Duo stared blankly at his tasty-flakes, stirring the quickly mushing cereal around the bowl. He'd gotten past crying, he had cried all night, now he was hurting. It ached in his chest, constantly reminding him that he had lost it all. He had once been so happy. Except for the small dark blotch when Heero had tried to kill himself, his life had been a fuzzy haze of joy, nothing ever seemed wrong.

Duo's lip started to quiver again. He closed his eyes, dropping his spoon to cover them as tears started to fall.

*Again,* he thought. *Or is it still? I can't tell anymore.*

He felt a hand on his shoulder. He stiffened.

"It's me," Heero said softly.

Duo relaxed, wiping his eyes. "Hey buddy."

Heero squeezed his shoulder before going to get his own breakfast. "Not doing well?" he asked, shuffling through the cabinet.

Duo snorted bitterly. "I'd say. Did I-"

"No," Heero said quickly.

"How'd you-"

"He's a bastard Duo," Heero said, turning from the cabinet to look Duo in the eye. "You didn't make the mistake, he did."

Duo looked down, stirring his mushy cereal again. "Yeah..."

"I mean it," Heero said sternly.

"Yeah...yeah I know." Duo dropped the spoon again. He looked up. "What about you?"

Heero turned away, unconvincingly searching through the cabinet. "What about me?"

Duo raised an eyebrow. "We aren't blind Heero. We meaning everyone in this house..." Duo paused but shook his head and continued. "We know something happened. How are you holding up?"

"I..." Heero's wandering hand stilled. "I..." he sighed and closed the cabinet. He walked over and sat down next to Duo. "I'm not." He put his head in his hands, knotting his fingers in his ever-messy hair.

Duo pushed his bowl away, crossing his arms in its spot and resting his chin on them. "I'm listening."

Heero looked over through his fingers, then back at the table. "He promised me he'd come back. Has Quatre ever lied to you?"

"No," Duo said quietly.

"That was his first to me," Heero said. "I...I thought that..." he couldn't say it. He felt so stupid! How could he think that Quatre had cared at all about him? No one cared.

"You can tell me," Duo said softly. "I think I know how you feel."

Heero looked over to the other man. Duo. Duo cared, he'd always cared. They were best friends, though at times it didn't seem like it.

"I though that he loved me, I thought he cared," Heero said, his voice was harsh as he tried to keep his tears down. "I let myself care about him. I let myself hope that..."

Duo lifted his head. He didn't move other then that, but Heero knew that the he was giving support, telling him that it was okay.

"I let myself hope that someone loved me for what I really was, not what they thought I was, or should be." Heero finished.

"Heero?"

Heero looked over.

Duo was looking away, his arms crossed over his chest. "You're my best friend, whether you like it or not." He looked over and smiled.

Heero offered a small smile back.

"My point is," Duo continued, "that no matter what, you'll always be my best friend. And what you did to 'Fei..." He smiled sadly, his up-turned lip shaking slightly. "Well, that was nice of you. I just want you to know that I love ya man, no matter who you might be under all that 'don't give a shit' attitude."

Heero chuckled. He turned serious and looked to Duo. "I love you too Duo, though I guess it's hard to tell due to the afore mentioned 'don't give a shit' attitude. I'll always be there to stand by you, whenever you need me."

Duo smiled. "Ditto. Deal?" He put out his hand. "Always there, no matter what."

Heero grasped his hand, shaking it firmly. "No matter what."

~()~

Trowa ended up leaving his room far later then his usual time. Zechs had left through the window a few minutes earlier, it had taken him a bit longer to leave then he had expected.

Trowa took a quick shower. Barely awake, he toweled himself off, not noticing the fact that his toenails were still painted; he had only remembered to take the polish off of his fingers.

He was walking down the stairs, trying not to look too out of it, when he past a slightly slumped over Duo, heading up.

"Hey Tro'," He said, not looking up.

Trowa frowned and stopped his descent, looking back at his housemate. Duo's usually carefully plaited hair looked loosely done and ruffled, his usually cared for clothes were twisted and rumpled. Frowning deeper but not bringing it up, Trowa again wondered if he was missing something.

Last night, though he had heard something happening, he could quite make out what it was from his position.

Trowa started walking again, hoping he might get more out of Heero.

But Heero only nodded to him as he left the kitchen, Trowa noted that he looked a little worn as well.

*Heero _and_ Duo? Wufei must be at work already, he's not any help...but then last night...* Trowa shook his head. He obviously wasn't going to get any answers soon.

This is about where Trowa noticed the room he was standing in. With a heavy sigh, he surveyed the living room. A lamp had fallen and shattered and no one -he thought with frown- bothered to clean it up. There were tissues all over the couch and coffee table, and about half of the videodisks were strewn over the floor. Doing his best impression of Marge Simpson's noise of disapproval, Trowa gave up on breakfast and went about straightening the disaster.

He was cleaning up the tissues, which he swore he'd make Duo pay for -he figured it was him since no one else would leave evidence of weakness- when something under the table caught his attention. Putting the wastebasket aside, Trowa reached for the small white thing under the old beat up coffee table. He pulled it out and inspected it. It turned out to be an envelope, with Heero's name written in perfect, looping handwriting. With a shrug, Trowa put it aside. He'd give it to Heero later...

~()~

Duo tossed in his bed. He couldn't seem to get comfortable, no matter how many positions he tried, how many pillows he propped himself on, he just couldn't sleep. With an aggravated groan, Duo sat up, pulling his knees under his chin.

*If I wasn't the one who made the mistake, why do I feel so badly?* he thought miserably. *If he's such a bastard, why can't I be mad at him?*

"Ah! Why do I feel like I've done something wrong?" he yelled, not caring if he woke the others.

He hugged his knees tighter against him, trying to sooth the aching.

*He cheated on me, so why-*

His thoughts were cut off by light tapping on his door. Duo looked up from his arms, feeling a cool breeze on tears he didn't know were there.

"Y-yeah?" he called softly, his voice cracking.

The door opened, and without a word, Heero walked in, threw him a white envelope and sat down on his bed, burring his head in his arms in a position similar to Duo's.

Duo frowned at his friend before turning his attention to the envelope. "What's this?" he asked, reading Heero's name before flipping it over to the ripped open seal.

"Trowa gave it to me," Heero answered from under his arms. "He said he found it a couple of days ago. It's from Quatre."

"Wha'?" Duo pulled out the letter, not waiting for a response and read:

_'Dear Heero, _

_I suppose a letter is the coward's way out, but I just can't face you when I tell you. _

_This is the fifteenth time I've written this letter. In fact, the first four times, I didn't get past the beginning. It took me that long to get "Dear Heero". _

_Oh Heero, I'm trying to stall, but I've already run out of excuses. _

_I'm sorry. _

I love you.'

Duo bit at his lip. "Uh, Heero?"

"It's alright," he said, not looking up. "You need to read it."

Duo nodded but still feeling uncomfortable, skipped past most of the letter, only catching small pieces...

_'It tore my heart to learn that you were in pain...' _

_'So how is the weather...?' _

_'I love you deeply, Heero...' _

'I need to know if you have any feelings for me, though I know I don't deserve them...'

Duo stopped skipping and started reading towards the end, where his name popped up.

_'Please tell Duo that I'm sorry. Wufei was everything for me, he was the most giving and caring friend I could have wished for, but I fear I took too much of his time. I think that my asking him to keep me a secret took its toll on him as well. _

_I know that Wufei loves Duo more then I can imagine, and I know Duo feels the same. My only comfort is that I'm sure I could never come between something as strong as what they share.' _

The letter went on, but Duo stopped there. His heart was racing and the ache had just grown, fueled by guilt.

"He wasn't cheating," Duo said softly.

"No."

"He was only helping Quatre."

"Yes."

"I screwed up royally."

"We both did." Heero looked up at Duo, they shared the same look in their eyes, a look of relief and guilt.

Duo exhaled. "All those 'signs', all those times he was late..."

Heero nodded. "When I saw them together..."

Duo put his head in his hands, sobs choking his next words. "When he said he was sorry..."

Heero crawled over and put his arms around his friend.

"What are we going to do? I didn't trust him, I said I loved him but I didn't even trust him." Duo's body shook as he cried.

Heero just held him tighter, rocking him back and forth.

"What are we going to do?" Duo whispered.

~()~

Quatre smiled warmly at Wufei as the ruffled looking Preventer entered the kitchen. "Breakfast is almost done."

Wufei made a soft grunt and headed for the coffee maker, pouring himself a cup as Quatre finished with the eggs.

"I don't have work today..." Quatre commented, trying to fill the silence.

"Hn..." was the only response.

Quatre sighed and sat down, fixing Wufei with a worried gaze. "Why don't you call him?"

Wufei put down his cup. "I've tried, all I get is Heero or Trowa. Heero wont let me get past hello and Trowa doesn't seem to know why Duo wont answer." He sighed and rubbed his temples. "I don't even know what I did wrong, he seemed perfectly fine before I left..."

Quatre couldn't think of anything helpful, so he went back to breakfast.

"Have you tried calling?" Wufei asked, taking another sip of coffee.

Quatre threw a small smile over his shoulder before turning back to the stove. "No. Actually, I'm kind of glad he didn't get the letter." He chuckled lightly. "I don't think I could deal with his rejection."

"Quatre?"

"Maybe it was destiny," Quatre went on. "Maybe I never should have-"

"Quatre."

"Yeah?" The cheerfulness was obviously forced.

"Look at me," Wufei ordered.

The blond turned around. Wufei frowned. Tears had been leaking down his face as he spoke, and Wufei hadn't noticed the circles under his eyes before.

"What if he got it Wufei?" Quatre asked softly. "What if he just doesn't love me? Or if he didn't get it, should I write again? I...I don't think I can." He twisted the spatula in his hands and looked back the pan. "Eggs are done."

They ate in silence.

~()~

"I'm gonna go see him," Duo said stubbornly as he pushed open the kitchen door. "And you," he pointed to Heero, who was reading the paper at the table. "Are going to go see Quatre."

Trowa turned from where he was putting dishes into the dishwasher.

"Duo-" Heero started.

"No," Duo snapped, slamming his palms on the table. "I know what you're going to say, something like 'I'm not going to' or 'don't have time' just 'cause you're scared."

Heero looked down.

"Look Heero, you know you love him, and based on the fact that he said it outright in the letter, he loves you too." Duo sighed and plopped down in one of the chairs, running a hand through his still unbound hair. "Now I'm not sayin' it's gonna be easy..."

Heero looked up. "Just tell him you're sorry."

Duo snorted. "Simpler said then done. I have to tell him that I didn't trust him, questioned his honor, _and_ had you spy on him."

"You could leave that last part out," Heero said dryly.

Duo shook his head. "I need to be honest with him." He sighed again. "Crap..." after a moment, he turned to Heero. "So what are you gonna say to Quat'?"

Heero looked uncomfortable. "I...I don't think I-"

"Heero..." Duo warned.

Heero leaned back in his chair, closing his eyes. "He said he didn't deserve my feelings...why would he think that?"

Duo chuckled. "Hell if I know, you're down right bitchy."

Heero opened an eye and glared at him, but Duo only smiled.

"Just kidding," he said, smiling crookedly at him. "Seriously, I don't know, he seemed pretty worried about it in the letter." Duo had read the whole letter afterward, at Heero's request.

Heero closed his eye again. "I know..."

They didn't notice Trowa lingering at the sink, softly clinking dishes to sound like he was doing something.

"Well, there's only one thing to do," Duo said, standing and stretching with a yawn. "Go talk to him."

"And what do I say?" Heero asked, standing as well. "Glad to hear you aren't sleeping with Wufei?"

Duo smirked. "How 'bout: 'hey, why don't we check your bed for spring malfunctions?'."

Heero chuckled. "Has that ever worked?"

Duo shook his head. "You'd be amazed." He laughed lightly as he departed.

Heero followed behind, shaking his head.

As Trowa watched the door close behind Heero, there was a sharp pain in his heart that he couldn't quite place.

~()~

Trowa watched quietly from the living room armchair as the other two moved about the house, occasionally commenting to each other as they passed.

The pain hadn't gone away, it had dulled to a small ache, deep in his chest.

*What's wrong?* he thought, as he watched Heero and Duo practically race out the door. He shrugged and stood up, a slow smirk growing on his lips. *Oh well, at least I have the house to myself.*

He went into Wufei's office and dialed his vid-phone, since it was the only one in the small house.

"Mr. Merquise's office, how can I help you?" Zechs' secretary answered.

"Hey Mark, is he in?" Trowa asked. The two had become something near friends when Trowa's calls had become more frequent. Though he never said anything, Trowa was sure Mark suspected something.

"Just got in a few moments ago," He said, smiling warmly. "I'll put you through."

Trowa nodded. "Thanks."

Zechs' image popped up a moment later. Trowa couldn't help but smile. He had to love that Preventers uniform...

"You rang?" Zechs said, lacing his fingers together to prop his chin on.

"Are you doing anything for lunch? It seems I have the house to myself for the day." His heart gave a sudden pang of...well, he wasn't really sure what.

Zechs frowned. "Are you alright?" he asked, dropping his hands to look closer at the screen.

"I'm fine," Trowa said quickly, crossing his arms over his chest.

"I'll come over when I can get away, alright?" Zechs said, still looking concerned.

"Yeah," Trowa said, hanging up before he remembered to say goodbye.

*What's wrong with me?* he thought. He dropped down into Wufei's chair, absently rubbing his chest.

~()~

Heero stood outside an unremarkable door, Quatre's old and abandoned jacket gripped tightly in his hand. He had been there for a quarter of an hour already, trying to make himself knock. He was there at least, he gave himself that much. Getting to Quatre's apartment was half the battle, the other half was actually getting inside.

Heero stared at the door, looking as if he were trying to open it with the power of his mind.

And as if it had worked, the door opened.

Quatre didn't see him at first; he had turned back at the last minute and didn't see the surprised Heero waiting at his door.

When he turned back around, Quatre jumped, his eyes widening. "Heero!" he exclaimed, his hand flying to his chest. "When did you get here?"

Heero searched for words, but wasn't able to think of an answer that didn't make him sound like he'd waiting there for as long as he had. He simple lifted the jacket in his hand and said, "you forgot your jacket."

Quatre looked at it, blinking a few times. "Oh," he said softly after a few moments, "thank you." He took the garment from Heero, folding it around his arm and keeping his eyes down.

Heero could see the disappointment, even if Quatre was trying to hide it. "I got your letter," he said softly.

Quatre met his eyes. "Y-you did?" he asked, his voice breathy and shaking.

Heero nodded.

Quatre looked back at the jacket. "Do you...want to come in?" he looked up hopefully through his lashes.

"Alright." Heero was keeping it simple, not trusting his conversation skills with something so important.

As Quatre nodded, Heero could see the hand holding the jacket was shaking. Quatre stepped back through the door and lead Heero into the living room.

They sat across from each other, Quatre in an old faded armchair and Heero on the couch, next to a folded blanket and pillow.

Quatre smiled softly when he saw Heero looking at the bedding. "Wufei came over a few days ago. All I know is that Wufei and Duo had a fight, but I'm still not sure why..." Quatre's smile faded. "It _has_ to be my fault..." he said softly.

"Quatre..." Heero started nervously, looking at his hands. He opened his mouth but closed after a few moments. What was he going to say?

"Just tell me Heero," Quatre said, his voice cracking.

Heero looked up.

Quatre had his head down, his bangs shadowing his eyes. "You read the letter," he went on. "So just tell me." He looked up. Tears had fallen from his eyes, streaking past pale cheeks and falling from a quivering chin. "I can't live without knowing any longer."

Heero got up and knelt by Quatre's chair. He lifted a hand and gently brushed Quatre's sodden cheek with his fingertips.

With a small sob, Quatre fell to his knees. Heero immediately pulled him into his arms, hugging Quatre the way he had wanted to in those lonely months, locked in his room with nothing but the now discarded jacket to hold.

Quatre clung to him, letting go of his doubt in the safety he felt whenever he was around Heero.

~()~

Trowa was absentmindedly straightening the couch pillows, doing it only to keep his hands busy as he waited for Zechs to arrive.

He stood up, bored with the pillows and started pacing the living room floor. As he past it, Trowa caught a glimpse at himself in the mirror. He stopped and walked back.

It was odd, but it felt like the person looking back through the glass wasn't him. From the hair falling over half his face to the pressed khaki pants. A quirk formed in the corner of Trowa's mouth as he looked at the bottom of the full-length mirror and saw his black painted toenails. He hadn't noticed until now that he had forgotten to take off the paint the night before. Good thing the others hadn't seen.

*Noticed,* a small voice in the back of his mind said. *They didn't _notice_ them, or you.*

Trowa frowned. His eyes flicked back to his reflected ones...well _one. _Trowa pushed back his bangs, letting the hair fall to his shoulders. He stared into his reflection's eyes...

"They didn't even notice you were there," he said softly.

His eyes narrowed and he lifted a finger, placing it against the glass near a reflected eye.

"They didn't even say good morning..."

He turned away from the mirror, dropping his finger. He turned back a moment later, taking one last look before smoothing his hair over his face again.

*So what if they don't notice me? I don't need them...*

Trowa looked up as the doorbell rang. His lips quirked again.

"Right on cue," he said, shaking his head.

Zechs raised an eyebrow when Trowa opened the door. Smirking, he plucked at turtle-neck sweater. "What's the occasion?" he asked.

Trowa pulled him inside and closed the door, unable to keep from smiling. "You were spur of the moment, I didn't think to change."

Zechs chuckled pulled him closer. "I'm not complaining," he said. "It's not a bad change..."

Trowa tugged at Zechs' Preventers jacket. "Neither am I."

Zechs frowned. "But this..." he started to brush Trowa's hair from his face. "When will you stop hiding from them?" he said under his breath.

Trowa's fingers wrapped around Zechs' wrist. "I don't know what you mean," he said evenly.

"Is that what's wrong?" Zechs asked, pulling his hand away.

"What are you talking about?" Trowa knew he said it to quickly.

"You're hiding," Zechs said. "You kept your face covered, you only do that around them. And these..." he tugged at Trowa's collar. "You hate these clothes..." his voice softened. "Why are you hiding from me?"

*Am I? Is that why they don't see me, I don't want them to? No...it's them, it's their fault...*

"I'm not hiding," Trowa said, his voice sounding surer then he felt. He stepped around Zechs and started to walk away. "I just remembered that we were going to have lunch. Do want to fix something or just-" Zechs grabbed his arm and he cut off. He turned around, looking the other man in the eye.

*Why wont you tell him?* his thoughts whispered.

"What's wrong?" Zechs ask softly, brushing back Trowa's bangs.

His resolve wavered. Zechs cared, not like his so-called friends, he was the one person who understood him...or at least tried. He wanted to tell him everything, all his doubts about himself, all his fears about his friends...all the times he wished they would ask him if he was okay...

"I'm fine," he said.

Even if he wanted to, he couldn't.

"Trowa..."

"Why wont you just let it drop?" The words came out forceful. Trowa didn't even mean to say them. He turned sharply and started to walk away.

*Why are you doing this?*

"Because I care about you! And I don't want you-" Zechs stopped.

Trowa stopped. He turned around. "You don't want me what?" he asked curiously.

Zechs looked at his hands. "I don't want you to end up with a gun to your head," he said quietly.

There was tense silence.

*Could it really come to that?* Trowa thought. He rubbed his chest absently.

"You can't tell me that you've never thought of it," Zechs said softly, looking up.

"They wouldn't notice," Trowa muttered before he could stop himself.

*Maybe he didn't hear?*

"That _is_ what's wrong, isn't it?" Zechs stepped closer.

"No," Trowa said quickly. "Forget it. What do you want to eat?"

"Trowa..." Zechs grabbed his shoulders. "Answer me."

"I don't need them!" Trowa shouted. He shut his eyes, feeling exposed and vulnerable.

*Trowa, stop-*

"And I don't need you!" He shouted, ignoring his own warning. He pushed Zechs back, harder then he meant to.

*What are you doing?!* Trowa's thoughts screamed.

He'd caught Zechs off guard and the other man fell back, looking thoroughly shocked. He recovered quickly though. "What's wrong with you?!" He yelled, rubbing his shoulder where Trowa's hand had hit him. "Are you..."

Trowa brushed past him roughly and opened the door for Zechs. "Once," he said quietly through clenched teeth, not looking up from the floor. "One of the mercenaries I worked with told me something I could never forget." He paused. "He said that some people are just born to walk alone, no matter how much they try not to." Trowa looked up. "I'm done trying," he finished coldly.

Zechs stood still a moment, holding his shoulder and staring at Trowa. He dropped his hand and walked out, but paused in the doorway. "The only reason you walk alone," he said, his voice was the only thing giving away how much he had been hurt. "Is that you run from anyone who cares..." he looked up and his eyes connected with Trowa's for a split second before Trowa looked away. Zechs chuckled bitterly. "I think you're the only one who doesn't know that." As he closed the door, Zechs added, "I love you Trowa, I thought you knew that."

The door clicked closed.

Trowa's back fell against it and he slid down, landing on the floor with a soft thud.

~()~

Duo tapped his foot as he waited for the elevator to reach Wufei's office floor. He ignored the other people in the small space, they were looking at him funny and keeping as far away from him as possible. Normally, Duo would smile at this and maybe have a little fun with the way too professional Preventers, but he wasn't in the mood.

"Thank God!" He exclaimed as the doors opened, making a few people jump.

Duo ran out as soon as the gap between the doors was big enough to fit through. He ran past the other offices, only slowing to wave at Wufei's secretary before bursting through the door.

Duo froze in the doorway when Wufei looked up. His ex-boyfriend's eyes widened.

"Duo just walked in," Wufei said into the phone he had to his ear. "I need you to fuck off for a few hours, Une, I'm busy." He hung up, not taking his eyes off the man still in the doorway.

Duo laughed. "I can't believe you did that!"

"Neither can I-what are you doing here?" Wufei said quickly, getting out of his chair and walking over.

Duo looked down, rubbing the back of his neck. "I...um..."

Wufei shook his head and grabbed Duo, hugging him tightly. "Never mind," he whispered. "I'm just so glad to see you."

Duo hugged him back, forgetting why he was there and just relishing in the feeling of Wufei's arms around him again.

"And I'm sorry," Wufei whispered.

Duo sighed and pulled back. "No, 'Fei..."

Wufei looked confused for a moment. "Oh." his face fell and he pulled out of the hug completely. He looked away. "I'm sorry, I just jumped to conclusions...I suppose you haven't forgiven..." he didn't finish.

"Oh God, 'Fei." Duo reached over and took Wufei's face in his hands, making him look into his eyes. "I'm so sorry," he said, shaking his head.

"Why...?" Wufei trailed off, looking confused.

Duo's hands slid to Wufei's face to his shoulders and he looked down, unable to look Wufei in the eyes as he confessed. "I thought you were cheating on me," he said quietly.

"What? Duo I would never-"

"I know!" Duo said, looking back up. "I know," he repeated. "I don't know how I could think that you were...but I did. I'm sorry."

Wufei put his arms around Duo's waist. "I love you Duo," he said. "I never have, and never will love anyone as much as you."

"I love you so much 'Fei," Duo said, shaking his head. "I never stopped, even when I wasn't sure you loved me anymore."

Duo's hands wrapped around Wufei's neck and Wufei's arms tightened around Duo's waist.

After Duo and Wufei had shared their first kiss, they never thought another could take its place as their best.

They were wrong.

~()~

"...The last time I did it was a few weeks before I saw you," Quatre finished his story softly. Throughout his story, Quatre had been pacing the floor. He now came to a stop in front of Heero, the only thing keeping him from once again seeking comfort in his love's arms was his own self hatred and a battered coffee table.

The small amount of emotion Heero could show, or at least as much as Quatre could read, showed no sign of shock or disgust, but Quatre wasn't so easily trusting, not anymore.

"Now, for the life of me, I don't understand why I did it, when alternate paths seem so clear now. But I did..." Quatre broke off. The arms he had wrapped around himself tightened their hold. He tried for tears but they wouldn't come, the pain in his chest only grew with no outlet.

The touch on Quatre's shoulder was light at first, but was soon joined by its brother on his other. Quatre looked up and met with what should have been soft and comforting blue eyes, but all he saw was misplaced sentiment and naïve trust. He pulled away, though in his heart he knew himself wrong.

"Quatre-"

"No!" Quatre choked out, the words trying to make it past his dry throat. "I was wrong! I made the worst mistake of my life! Don't you see? No don't touch me!" He yelled when Heero's hand had touched his shoulder again. He pushed it away. "I was wrong again! I shouldn't have written that letter! I should have left you alone, you would have been far better off..."

Quatre held himself tighter and squeezed his eyes shut. The pain in his heart was almost unbearable and he wished with all his might that he had the guts to end it.

He felt fingers slid across his neck and hook in the back. His face was gently but firmly tilted up, but he refused to open his eyes.

"Quatre, open your eyes," Heero said softly.

"Please Heero," he whispered back. "Just go home and forget me, forget you ever knew me, please?"

"Quatre." Heero's thumb started to stroke his cheek.

"Please Heero..."

"Open your eyes."

Quatre swallowed. There was no way out of it... He took a deep breath. One... Two... Three.

Quatre's eyelids slid open and a tear fell from them, streaking across his face as countless others had that day. Heero's eyes weren't warm and caring, which most found comforting in times of sorrow, but they held a sort of understanding and stability. He wasn't saying it was okay, he was saying he would be there to help heal what was wrong.

"Quatre, I love you, do you understand?"

Quatre nodded slowly.

"And you love me, right?" Quatre caught the slightest hint of doubt.

Quatre nodded quickly, adding, "always."

"At this moment, nothing else matters."

~()~

*God damn it!!!* Trowa pulled at his hair. He still sat against the door, he knees pulled to his chin, he hadn't moved since Zechs left. *This is so...confusing...*

He never needed anyone before; he had been content, even happy in solitude. Why did he feel the need to have companionship now? What was all this doubt? He never had it before. When did he change so much?

His eyes fell to the floor and caught his tinted toenails.

*Is that me? Or is this me?* he thought, lifting his arm to look at his sweater.

He dropped his arm with a sigh.

*What was it that Zechs said? I was hiding? And running...glad to know he thinks I'm such a coward...is he right? These clothes, my attitude...am I making myself invisible? All this time I've been angry with them for not noticing me...has it been my fault?*

He chuckled. *I'd love to see the look on their faces if they saw me in my real clothes...what's keeping me? I'm tired of being invisible, right?* he frowned in thought. *What am I afraid of? That they wont except me? And Zechs...what about him?*

In a way, Trowa felt that most of their relationship was based on fear-factor, the thrill of being caught, would it be the same if he told the others?

*I do love him...am I being fair to him by keeping us a secret? I'm not ashamed...am I? Heero might kill him, or me...or both of us.* he couldn't help but smile at that thought. *But would Zechs want to? Could he be ashamed of me?*

Trowa rolled his eyes. "Okay, enough thinking on that track, I sound like a 'chick flick' as Duo would say..."

"Sounds like something he would say."

Trowa jumped. Was that...?

"Zechs?!" Trowa called.

"No, this is God, I've called to tell you that the sexiest man alive is on the other side of the door wondering why his boyfriend is talking to himself."

Trowa chuckled despite himself. "Well God, your taste in men is somewhat lacking."

"And who, may I ask, would be the sexiest man alive if not me?"

"I thought you were God."

"Well, it's good to know one of us is thinking, though talking to yourself is a bit on the off side."

Trowa smiled. "So what are you doing on the other side of my door?"

He could hear Zechs sigh. "I couldn't make myself leave...that and you promised to buy me lunch."

"When did I do that?"

"When you turned into a pissy preteen girl."

Trowa glared over his shoulder, pretending there wasn't a door between him and the self-proclaimed sexiest man alive. "Thanks for understanding."

"I'm not exactly happy with you at the moment..."

There were a few moments of silence.

"Trowa? I'm sorry, I guess I'm not helping." Zechs said softly.

Trowa sighed. "I'm sorry too. I just don't know what to do, I don't even know how to act anymore."

"Then stop acting, you shouldn't have to. I will love you no matter how you act...I think I just proved that to myself."

Trowa stood up and opened the door.

Zechs, being caught off guard, fell back onto the carpeted floor, his hair flying up to fall into his face. He brushed it back in annoyance.

"I think I should tell them," Trowa said.

Zechs looked up at him, obviously surprised again. "What?"

Trowa held out a hand to him. "I was just thinking, maybe we could tell the others about...well, everything. We could actually sleep in a bed again."

Zechs looked hesitant.

Trowa didn't show the disappointment he felt. Was he right after all?

It was only a moment of distraction, but it only took that much for Trowa to be caught be surprise. It seemed the tables had turned in that department.

In a breath, Zechs had taken the offered hand, pulled himself up and placed a hand on Trowa's shoulder. "Are you ready for that?"

"What do you mean?" Trowa asked.

Zechs frowned. "This is big Trowa, are you sure you're ready to tell them?"

Trowa took the hand from his shoulder and kissed its palm. "I love you. I want more then three people to know that."

Zechs smiled. "Mark _was_ getting a bit nosey."

Trowa smiled and kissed Zechs softly. When their lips drifted away from each other, Zechs drew Trowa into a tight hug.

There was a short silence before:  
"You were just kidding about my not being the sexiest man alive, right?"

Trowa chuckled. "You're so vain."

"You didn't answer."

Silence.

Zechs growled softly and started pulling Trowa away. "I'll show you..."

Trowa laughed and started to follow, but slowed as best he could after a moment. "Zechs, I need to close the door..."

"Leave it."

"You're too eager for your own good...and mine."

Zechs just chuckled and dragged Trowa the rest of the way. "The word is horny, my dear."

~()~

In the heat of passion as two lovers fell into bed...

As a couple lay curled up together under a desk...

And as two people, who longed for each other when they were apart, embraced on a faded couch...

Six voices repeated the same words, never once a lie.

"I love you."

To be continued...

~~~~

Ack! Cheesy fluff at the end, ne? Ah well. I'm so close to ending this! ::sniffs:: I'm so happy it's almost over with! Many thanks to those still reading this long ass fic ^_^;;;

::Smiles:: the smallest thought is appreciated. Show ya care! Please?  
Nikki :-P


	7. Anticipation

::runs over and gives everyone a big hug:: HI!!!  
T_T wow, I've been in hell! I've been cut off from my beloved compy-chan! But here I am, stealing time from it while my brother (who's been keeping me away from compy-chan) is at church ^_^;;

A Big Humongous Super-Thankful grin, hug and good thought to everyone who reviewed! Ya'll made me so happy!! ^____^ so much that I will no longer grovel for reviews! Just leave 'em outta the kindness of your heart! ::is in happy 'people actually like this' mode::

Okay! ::passes out lil' tubes of toothpaste and toothbrushes:: from now on, we have fluff and sweetness, so! ::wields toothbrush:: be on guard against cavities!

If ya wanna see the pretty version (as well as some of some other stuff) head over to my site (::feels bad 'bout plug::) at: http://www.geocities.com/mageofthewinds/

And now with out further oddness, the next chapter of Phoenix!  
Love your over-hyper authoress,  
Nikki :-P  
  


Series: Phoenix  
Name: Anticipation  
Genre: Drama  
Pairings: 1+4, 5x2, 6x3,  
Rating: R

Key:  
~()~ Break  
*Thought*

Warning: You should know what to expect by now ^_~

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, any of it's characters, story lines or anything really ^_^ I'm an amateur doing this for my own amusement and maybe yours. Please don't sue me?

  
Anticipation 

By Nikki :-P or Nataku's Child****

~

_Phoenix  
 : a legendary bird which according to one account lived 500 years, burned itself to ashes on a pyre, and rose alive from the ashes to live another period; also : a person or thing likened to the phoenix_

_-Merriam-Webster's Dictionary_

~ 

Clear, cool blue eyes slowly pulled open and blinked, clearing away the haze that misted them at first sight. Zechs slowly realized his consciousness, as well as his confined limbs as he yawned and tried to stretch. His eyes drifted to the body that he currently had wrapped in his arms.

Trowa lay still asleep and looking completely relaxed. Zechs couldn't help but smile. Trowa looked so bare, so...true. After a few months of knowing the ex-pilot more personally, he began to notice just how little Trowa showed of him self, he only pretended most of what people saw. In the few moments that Zechs caught of the un-guarded, raw Trowa, he saw just how afraid and unsure the man really was.

Zechs breathed in deeply, absorbing the warmth and comfort of the moment. Eventually, he would have to worry about the outside world. Eventually, he would have to help Trowa through what was probably going to be one of the hardest things his love would ever have to do. Eventually...

But for now, he only breathed, smiled, and felt content.

Zechs held Trowa closer and closed his eyes, not wanting to deal with anything just yet.

Like the truth.

His grip tightened subconsciously.

The truth...the truth was, that he didn't want anyone to know. Trowa's revelation to his friends was a good step, and would relieve a lot of his lover's anxiety. But Zechs knew that in all fairness, he should come out to. It would be good for him as well, secrets always come at a price. But in truth, he was afraid, though he would never tell Trowa that.

His sexual preference wasn't publicly known, in fact, many believed he was involved with Noin, even though the two had never had a romantic relationship. How much would change, if people knew he was gay? Would they still respect him? Trust him? Or even talk to him? How much had society _really_ changed in all those years?

"I wasn't going to say anything, but now that's really starting to hurt," Trowa's muffled voice said softly.

Zechs immediately loosened the painfully tight grip he had on Trowa.

Trowa pulled away slightly and rested a hand on Zechs' hip. "Is something the matter?" he asked, his brow wrinkled slightly in concern.

Zechs twitched his lips in the familiar smirk. "I was just bored and thought it was about time you awoke."

Trowa smiled and punched him softly on the shoulder. "You need to learn patience."

Zechs' smirk softened to a smile and he pulled Trowa into a hug. "You're always saying that."

"And you never listen," Trowa answered softly, burring his head in Zechs' shoulder.

Zechs rubbed small circles in Trowa back as the smile faded and his features took on the worried look they held earlier. He couldn't tell Trowa his worries. He needed to be there for him. He needed to be the stronger one; it was what Trowa needed. And Zechs needed Trowa...

*And I can't sacrifice him for approval...I would be going against all that I'm trying to get him to understand...*

Zechs felt pressure on his shoulder, but didn't act on it fast enough. Trowa easily pushed him onto his back, his green eyes sparkling. Zechs raised an eyebrow only to be answered by a smirk. Trowa leaned down and placed small kisses along his collarbone, rubbing his leg against Zech's thigh.

Zechs' surprise soon faded. His fingers found Trowa's and he twined them together as they were pushed above his head. All he could do was lean back into the soft pillows as Trowa's tiny kisses moved across his chest and over his stomach. His breathing quickened and he tightened his grip in Trowa's hand as his lover went lower...

Then Trowa stopped.

It took a moment for Zechs to know why, because he only caught the second ring. The phone on the side of the bed was ringing, the sound only now piercing through his lust fogged mind. Zechs lifted his head and traded disgruntled looks with Trowa.

"Can someone else get it?" Zechs asked, still breathing heavily from Trowa's teasing.

Trowa smiled and leaned down, placing a small kiss to his navel in answer as silence returned. It seemed that someone had.

Zechs let his head fall back to the pillow as Trowa continued his trail from his navel. Trowa let his hands go and held Zechs' hips instead, keeping them down as his kisses got achingly close.

"Trowa! Phone!" Duo called.

Zechs couldn't keep the groan from escaping his throat. He peeled open his eyes and looked to Trowa again.

"Thank you, Duo!" Trowa called, throwing Zechs an apologetic look before crawling over to get the phone.

Zechs shifted to a sitting position and tried to be patient as Trowa picked up the phone.

"Hello?" Trowa greeted, sounding genuinely curious about who was calling him.

Zechs watched as Trowa's eyebrows rose.

"Hello Mark, is there something you needed?" Trowa shot Zechs a questioning look.

Zechs shrugged.

"No, it's fine." Trowa said to Mark, still looking confused.

Then Zechs' curiosity peaked when a light blush bloomed on Trowa's cheeks.

"Yes, he's here, hold on a moment." Trowa, eyes wide, took the phone from his ear and covered the mouthpiece before holding it out to Zechs. "It's Mark, from the office." He said calmly, though his eyes and cheeks gave away his feelings.

Slightly shocked, not about Mark knowing, but his calling him here, Zechs accepted the phone. "Hello?"

"Mr. Merquise! I'm very sorry to bother you, but you didn't show up this morning and Une is wondering why you're late for your ten o' clock meeting. I tried to call you at home..." Zechs could hear him try to keep from laughing. "I'm sorry sir, this was just a wild guess."

"My god! What time is it?" Zechs asked, still caught up with Mark's reason for calling.

"11:45, sir."

Zechs' hand quickly sprung up to meet his forehead. "I'll be there as fast as I can, give Une a message for me..." Zechs looked up at Trowa in apology. Trowa gave him a soft smile, but his arms were crossed over his chest, a comforting habit that Zechs had come to recognize.

"I'm ready," Mark said.

Zechs turned his attention back to the phone. "Tell her I had...family problems," he smiled softly, "that needed to be taken care of and find out if I can reschedule."

"No problem...and I'm sorry I bothered you...when you're...right, I'll give her the message. We'll talk when you get here." Mark said the last part a bit quickly.

"It's fine. Bye." Zechs hung up quickly and got out of bed, heading for the shower.

"I'll grab you something to eat from downstairs." Trowa said softly.

Zechs turned around quickly. Trowa had put on some sleep pants and was already headed for the door. "Trowa, wait." Zechs quickly walked over and caught Trowa in tight hug. "I'm sorry. I know you wanted to tell them today. We'll do it together, tonight, alright?"

Trowa nodded and hugged him back for a moment before pushing him away, a small smile on his face. "Go, you need shower." He wrinkled his nose a little, a playful gleam in his eye. "I'll get food."

Zechs smirked. "Why? Because I smell like you?" he said playfully turning again to head for the shower.

"No, believe me, it's all you." Trowa said before the door clicked closed behind him.

Zechs turned at the sound, smiling softly at the wooden door.

*Never...I could never sacrifice that...*

~()~

"Just don't go!" Duo pouted, arms wrapped firmly around Wufei's waist.

Wufei sighed and lifted the bed covers to peer at his stubborn boyfriend. "I have to go to work Duo," he explained...again. "After the 'fuck yourself' I gave Une yesterday, there'll be enough hell to pay without adding absence to the list."

Duo snuggled his face against Wufei's waist. "But I just got ya back! It's not fair!" he mumbled.

Wufei sat up, pulling Duo up with him. "Believe me," he said to a pouting face, "I don't want to go, I wish I could stay here..." he paused a moment, making his feelings known as best he could. "But I _need_ to go to work."

Duo sighed and slumped against his koi, wrapping his arms limply around Wufei's waist. "I know..." He mumbled. "But that doesn't make it any easier..." there was a moment of silence before Duo sprung up straight, a grin planted on his face. "I know!" He fumbled out of bed to stand near the edge and planted his hands on his hips, chest puffed and looking proud of him self. "I'll get a job there too!"

Wufei couldn't help but smile at the site of Duo looking as though he were planning to save the world from evil space monsters.

Duo jumped back onto that bed, making Wufei bounce a little. He was grinning full force now. "I'll just walk in and demand Une give me a job!"

Wufei's smile softened. "You don't need a job, I make enough for us."

Duo pouted. "But I'm bored here!"

Wufei frowned and pulled Duo by the neck to bring their foreheads together. "So get a hobby. I can take care of you, you don't need a job."

Duo stuck his tongue out. "You and you're conventional ideals. You know, we can both bring home the bacon."

Wufei smirked. "Well, if I can't have a conventional wife, at least let me be the conventional husband."

Duo snapped at Wufei's nose, purposefully missing by a few inches. "Wife!" he pulled back, crossing his arms over his chest. "Since when am I you're wife? I wear the pants!"

Wufei raised an eyebrow. "Since when?"

Duo growled and tackled him, pushing him against the pillows and not missing the teasing smirk Wufei still wore. "Since always!" he said, straddling Wufei's waist. "You're whipped, love."

Wufei's eyes narrowed for a moment before, with a quick movement that Duo couldn't follow, he flipped Duo over. The smirk stayed in place.

Duo quickly got over his surprise. "Still," he said with a huff, "I'm still the husband."

Wufei smiled and gave him a quick peck on the lips. "And I'm still going to work." He climbed out of bed before Duo could voice any more complaints.

~()~

Heero sat up in bed, starring out his window. The most of his expression was blank, but there was a soft look in his eyes that had been missing for months.

He mentally went over every minute of the night before, recounting every word spoken by Quatre, every small smile, every light laugh that made Heero smile along.

He finally tore his eyes away from the window to check the time. Already eleven, he should have been getting ready by now. Mentally scolding himself for his unusual bout of absentmindedness, Heero scooted to the edge of his bed, stretching a little before standing.

Heero and Quatre had decided to take things slow. Quatre stayed at his apartment, but would be moving in as soon as he could get his things packed. Heero wasn't exactly happy about it, the temptation to bring Quatre home the night before was a strong one, but he knew more then to force the already fragile spirit Quatre had.

After his shower, Heero went to his closet and shifted through the various hangers, asking him self a question he'd never thought to ask before.

*What do I wear?*

~()~

Quatre awoke with a smile and a familiar song in his head. He sat up and stretched, taking in a big yawn while he was at it. Softly humming, Quatre fell back onto his bed. He hadn't felt that happy for longer then he cared to remember, including the night Heero kissed him the first time...though that had been good too.

Quatre smiled.

Very good.

But the night before...and now with the prospect of later that day...was much better. Finishing his hummed song, Quatre rolled out of bed, plopping to the floor with a joyful giggle. Today, he and Heero were to have their first actual date.

Well, truth be told, it was Quatre's first date altogether. Truth again, he wasn't really sure what he was supposed to do. Quatre frowned and stood up, straightening his sleep-twisted clothes. What _did_ people do on dates? The most information he had was old memories of his sisters coming home after their dates and talking about them...but that was so long ago...

Quatre walked into his kitchen and got a glass of water. Sipping it thoughtfully, Quatre began feeling a bit nervous. What if he did something wrong? Would Heero know? Had Heero ever been on a date before? Maybe he would take the lead...but what if they were both lost?

Quatre finished his glass and got another, sucking it down as fast as he had the first.

What was he going to do! He had no idea what they were doing. Heero was going to pick him up, and then what? They hadn't even discussed it that far...

Quatre squeezed his empty glass. Catching himself before it shattered, Quatre put it down and made his way to the shower.

*Oh, I hope Heero knows more about this then I do...*

~()~

Zechs practically fell into his desk chair. He was breathing heavily, though more from fear then the fact that he ran the whole way to his office. If he was lucky, Une would never find out.

There was a sharp knock on the door, which was opened without permission by his brightly smiling assistant.

Zechs crossed his arms on the desk in front of him and promptly dropped his head onto them. "Morning, Mark."

"Good Morning, Mr. Merquise," said the far too cheerful Mark. "I have a...few messages for you."

"Shoot."

"Well, the first is from Miss Noin, asking if you two were still on for lunch..."

"Shit!" Zechs exclaimed, looking up from his arms. "I forgot about lunch!"

"Do you want me to cancel?" Mark asked, flipping through the small pieces of paper he held.

Zechs sighed and bit the inside of his cheek. *It would be the perfect time, and who better to tell first?* he sighed again. "No, call and tell her I'm still in..." he said reluctantly.

"Alright. The second is from Une, but I already told you about that." A small smile twitched at Mark's lips, he was obviously amused about that morning. He cleared his throat. "And the third...is from your sister..."

Zechs cocked his head to the side. "Relena? What did she need?"

"Another friend..."

Zechs groaned and hit his head on the table. Not another set up...

"She wanted me to inform you..." Mark went on, fighting a loosing battle to keep from laughing outright. "That she thinks you would make a great couple..." he swallowed a chuckle. "She thinks this friend of hers is...your type." He tried to cover his last bit of laughing with coughs, but Zechs didn't miss the broad grin.

Zechs rubbed his temples. "Maybe I should tell her?"

"I think it would be wise..." Mark said, walking over to sit in the chair that stood in front of Zechs' desk.

Zechs sighed. "So..." he looked up at his grinning assistant. "How long have you known?"

Mark chuckled and sat back in his chair. "It wasn't exactly sudden...gradually began to suspect..." He shrugged. "Trowa seems nice though, a little quiet..."

Zechs smiled. "He's great..." softened eyes turned tired. "Noin _and_ my sister...what time is it?"

Mark checked his watch. "12:30."

Zechs groaned. "No time then. Never mind about calling Noin, I'll drop by her office...wish me luck."

Mark smiled. "Luck."

~()~

Duo was near glaring at the book in his hands, his concentration so fierce it looked as though he were trying to mentally burn it. The book he held, was one he'd gone out to get just for tonight.

Cooking: For Dummies

Duo stuck his tongue out in concentration, flipping through the pages to find a dinner that was easy enough for him to not mess up, but nice enough for the occasion. He wanted to surprise Wufei -along with the rest of his housemates- with a home-cooked meal. Though it would probably make the "wife" situation worse.

"Humph. Me? His wife? He looks more like a girl then I do..." Duo mumbled. "But still..." he closed the book softly. "If I'm his wife...then are we as good as married?" Duo thought about it, wondering if Wufei's teasing had a deeper meaning.

"God..." Duo sunk back into the couch, a wistful half-smile on his lips. "Me and 'Fei...married..." He laughed and shook his head. "I need to concentrate! Dinner...Dinner..." he mumbled, flipping through the pages again.

"Here!" He held up the book in success. "Everyone loves casserole! And I just need to dump and bake..." He read over the instructions carefully.

"What are you doing?" a voice asked softly from behind Duo.

Duo flipped back, hanging his head over the couch to look upside-down at the interruption. Trowa looked back, the one visible eye curious

Duo grinned. "Planning dinner! I'm gonna surprise 'Fei."

Trowa's eyebrow rose. "You're going to cook?"

Duo frowned. "I'm going to try...besides, I got this!" He said, handing the book to Trowa.

Trowa looked it over. "Cooking: For Dummies...Duo, these recipes are terrible..." he said, flipping a few pages. "'Piggies in a Blanket'? Even you can do better then this."

Duo looked down. "I just don't want to mess it up..."

"I...I can help," Trowa said softly, handing the book back.

"Really?" Duo asked, looking hopeful. "That would so kick Tro'!"

Trowa smiled softly, something Duo wasn't sure he often saw. "Sure, Duo, I'll help."

"Thanks man! ...So what do you know how to make?"

Trowa shrugged. "Why don't we see what's in the kitchen?"

Duo hopped off the couch, grinning full-force. "Kay."

~()~

Heero held his breath and knocked on Quatre's door.

It opened almost immediately to a flushed and grinning Quatre. "Hi," he greeted.

"Hi," Heero said, his mind blanking with everything else.

They stood there a moment, Heero starring at Quatre and Quatre smiling nervously. After a few minutes, Quatre broke the silence.

"Um, Heero? Uh...do you know...what we're supposed to..." he looked down. "...Do?"

Heero blinked. "Do?"

"Yeah." Quatre played with the cuff of his shirt. "On a...a date...I've never been on one...before."

"Neither have I..." Heero said.

"No?" Quatre asked, looking up. "Well I guess its not so bad if we're both lost..." He smiled up at Heero, but quickly looked down with a blush.

Heero caught himself starring again. He looked away. "So what do you want to do?"

Quatre shrugged, looking up. "Are you hungry?"

"Yes, a little," Heero lied. In fact, his stomach was doing flips and the thought of food made it worse, but since going somewhere was better then standing in Quatre's doorway, and he didn't have any better ideas, lunch sounded great.

"Great," Quatre said, echoing Heero's thoughts. He smiled. "Let me just grab my keys."

When Quatre disappeared, Heero exhaled deeply.

*This is going to be harder then I thought. What _do_ people do on dates? And is it the same for us? I should have talked this over with Duo...*

"Ready?" Quatre asked brightly, snapping Heero from his thoughts.

Heero nodded. *As ready as I'll ever be...*

~()~

"...And I'll have the chicken club and an ice tea," Noin finished ordering.

"Alright! I'll be right back with your drinks," the bright and cheerful waitress said, smiling at her two customers with a smile that just screamed 'tip me well'.

Zechs and Noin looked at each other and rolled their eyes when the waitress turned her back.

Noin chuckled lightly. "I love how kindness comes at a price now."

Zechs smirked and sat back. "It always has, Lucrezia, you were just to naïve to notice."

Noin frowned. "Life was better that way. And don't tease me with that name, I'm not in the mood just now."

Zechs chuckled at his friend. "Why go by your last name when Lucrezia is a perfectly fine and beautiful name?"

"Because," Noin said, leaning her elbows on the table and glaring at her lunch date. "It makes me feel far too old and far too young at the same time. My Grandmother used to call me Lucrezia, that's reason enough."

Zechs chuckled and nodded his thanks to the waitress as she brought his wine. He took the glass and swirled it a little before sipping at it.

Noin shook her head and smiled at him, excepting her drink with a small nod. "Wine with lunch, I don't get it."

Zechs smiled sadly. "When you knew Treize as well as I did, you learned to appreciate wine no matter what time it was."

"Hmm..." Noin voiced softly before taking a sip from her tea.

"Noin...I need to tell you something," Zechs said reluctantly, putting down his glass and folding his hands in his lap. His stomach was twisting something fierce, but his resolve was set.

Noin put down her drink and raised her eyebrows slightly. "Oh?"

Zechs nodded. "I'm..." he changed his mind. "I've been seeing someone...that I haven't told you about."

Noin chuckled. "I thought you were going to tell me you were being shipped off to Mars, the way you were carrying on." Noin shook her head, smiling softly. "So who is she? One of your sister's 'prospects'? Or did you actually find her on your own?"

"No, I met h-we met at a...club, actually."

"A what?" Noin asked, surprised curiosity evident in her voice. "What were you doing in a club?" she asked with a chuckle.

Zechs tried to shrug casually. "I've been to a few...on occasion."

Noin laughed again. "Well, that's something I would have never guessed...and am frankly curious to see." Her face was shinning in merriment. Zechs had the feeling that he'd made her day. "So on one of these...occasions, you met her? So not only are you going to clubs, but you're dating one of the attendees. You're full of surprises today. Got anymore up your sleeve?"

"Quite a few actually," Zechs mumbled, grudgingly sipping at his wine again.

Noin laughed. "Oh come on Zechs, I'm just having some fun, lighten up. So tell me about her. What's her name?"

Zechs put his glass down, his hand shaking too much to hold it any longer.

"Are you okay?" Noin asked, looking concerned.

"Yes, I'm fine." Zechs said placing his hands on his lap again.

"So what's her name? What does she look like?" Noin grinned. "Is she pretty?"

"Well..." Zechs swallowed. "You see-"

Just then, the waitress appeared. "Chicken club?" the bubbly girl asked, holding the plate out to Noin.

Zechs sighed, thankful for the waitress's timing. It looked like she was going to get the big tip she wanted after all.

"Thank you. Keep talking Zechs, I'm listening." Noin said, moving her glass to make room for her plate.

"Well..."

"This is yours then!" The waitress said, handing Zechs his food with a smile and a wink.

It was all he could do not to roll his eyes, especially since the girl had saved him once again. "Yes, thank you." He said, taking his plate from the waitress.

There was a small silence while they got their food settled, but it didn't last as long as Zechs had hoped.

"You still haven't told me," Noin reminded him.

"Told you what?" Zechs asked, salting his food and not looking up.

Noin crossed her arms. "You know, if I thought it made any sense at all, I would think you were avoiding her name!"

Zechs sighed and put down the saltshaker. "There's something I need to tell you before hand..."

"Fine! So spill it, I'm dieing of suspense." She said sarcastically, picking up her glass to sip at her tea.

"I'm gay."

There was a loud clang as Noin lost the grip on her glass. It dropped, spilling allover her food and staining the tablecloth.

The waitress hurried over. "Oh! What happened?"

"She dropped her glass," Zechs explained, giving Noin his napkin to clean herself off, her napkin being soaked in iced tea.

"Why don't you move over there? I'll get this cleaned up," the waitress offered.

Zechs nodded and ushered Noin over to the other table.

"You're what?!" Noin whispered harshly as they sat down.

"I'm gay," Zechs repeated, feeling even more nervous after her first reaction.

Noin slumped back into her chair, starring blankly at the table. After almost a minute of silence, she looked up. "You and Treize never...?"

"No." Zechs said quickly. "No, we never...No."

Noin nodded and looked back at the table.

"Wow," she said, after a few more minutes of tense silence. She looked up. "I never...I mean...wow."

Zechs smiled nervously. "Are you...okay?"

Noin chuckled a little. "...y-yes. It's odd, we've known each other for so long...have you told Miss Relena?"

"No...not yet."

Noin sighed. "Well...I can't say I'm not a little...uncomfortable with it, it _is_ big...but I'll be okay, I'll get used to it." She looked up and smiled weakly. "We're too good of friends for me not to be okay with it. I need some time though...okay?"

Zechs nodded. "Of course."

Noin laughed lightly. "Wow..." she looked up. "But I still want to know his name."

Zechs laughed, mostly in relief. "Well, that's going to be another surprise..."

Noin raised an eyebrow. "It's not your assistant, is it? What's his name..?"

"Mark, and no...Do you remember Trowa Barton?"

Noin was glad she didn't have another glass yet.

~()~

Trowa plugged his nose just in time. He held his fingers there for a moment until the urge subsided then went back to the bread dough he'd been kneading.

"What was that all about?" Duo asked, sniffing at his shirt. "I knew it was a bit warm in here, but I didn't think it was _that _bad..."

Trowa shook his head. "It's nothing, I just didn't want to sneeze on the food. By the way, I think that's stirred enough, you can put it in the refrigerator to chill now."

Duo nodded. "In the fridge to chill, gotcha."

"It should be thickened by dinner."

"Done by dinner, right."

"You don't need to repeat all my instructions."

"Stop repeating, roger," Duo said with a wink. He put the bowl away and stretched. "Now what?"

Trowa put the dough into a bowl and covered it with a cloth to rise. "That's all we need to do for now, in a few hours we boil the water, make the sauce and bake the bread..."

"Great!" Duo said, smiling at his friend. "Let's take a break then. Want a soda?" he asked, grabbing one from the fridge for him self.

Trowa shrugged. "Alright."

Duo grabbed another and closed the door with a sharp bump of the hip. He handed Trowa his drink and sat the table, draping his limbs over the chair in an unconventional but comfortable looking position.

Trowa sat down across from him, choosing to sit like a normal human being.

"So how've ya been Tro'?" Duo asked, opening his can and taking a sip.

Trowa shrugged and leaned back in his chair, opening and drinking from his own. "Fine." He answered shortly, not elaborating to cover...well, the truth.

"Thanks, by the way," Duo said, shifting to lean his elbows on the table. "I wanted to do this for 'Fei, I feel really bad about what happened and all, I thought I'd make it up to him. I think with your help I can actually turn this out with no disaster."

"You're welcome...if you don't mind my asking, what _did_ happen?" Trowa asked, trying to keep his voice as neutral as possible.

Duo blinked. "What do you mean? ...You don't _know_?"

Trowa shrugged. "I knew something happened, due to Wufei's absence, as well as your and Heero's lack of presence. But other than that..." he shrugged again.

Duo slouched back in his chair. "Man, all this time you never knew...well, since we have time, I guess ya will now." Duo told Trowa an abridge version of the story, finishing with, "and the whole time he was only trying to help Quatre through his stuff."

Trowa, who had slowly drifted forward on his elbows during the story, once again leaned back. "That explains a few things..." a small smile tugged at his lips. "So they finally got together?"

Duo nodded. "Or so I think, since Heero hasn't told me otherwise and he seems to be in a good mood...though it's hard to tell at times." He said with a chuckle.

Trowa sighed, putting down his now empty can.

Duo looked closer at Trowa. "So what've you been up to man? I was sitting here thinking we hadn't talked in a long time, but come to think of it, we hardly talk at all. 'Fei hasn't said anything -though the thing with Quatre proved he doesn't tell me about other people- and Heero's not really...well, he's Heero. Anyway, what I'm sayin' is that you've been locked up in your room a lot lately...you all right?" the last two words were said softly, not with fear but with genuine, caring concern.

Trowa was about to open his mouth to assure Duo he was all right, but he caught the softness in Duo tone, and the intense emotion in his eyes…he wanted to know the truth. But was he ready?

After a few moment's silence, Duo's lip quirked. "Well, if ya ever need me, I'm here."

Trowa nodded and swallowed the small lump that had formed in his throat. *Maybe they aren't so bad after all...at least Duo doesn't seem as self-centered as I thought he was...*

~()~

"Welcome to-Quatre!" The dark haired hostess looked pleasantly surprised. "What are you doing here?"

Quatre smiled at his co-worker. This being the first restaurant he thought of, Quatre decided that his work would be the best place to eat. Besides, the girls had been dieing to meet Heero. The man himself was hovering just behind Quatre, looking torn between nervousness and confusion...well, to anyone who knew him anyway.

"Hi Kristy. I'm having lunch with a friend," Quatre answered the girl with a smile.

Kristy peered behind Quatre to see said friend. "Oh?" She said, still craning her neck around to get a better view.

Quatre reached back and linked arms with Heero, gently pulling him forward. "Kristy, this is Heero. Heero, this is Kristy, we work together."

Kristy's eyes narrowed slightly and she mouthed Heero's name a few times, as though searching her memory... "Heero!" she exclaimed, her face clearing as recognition dawned. A small smile twitched at her lips as she grabbed a couple of menus. "Nice to meet you Heero. Quatre, I'm gonna to give you one of Meiko's tables, she had a bad time with some customers earlier...she could use this." The smile broke free and she turned to hide it, leading them to their table as an excuse.  
[1]

When they were seated, Quatre's eyes followed Kristy as she went in back to whisper to Meiko, giggling and pointing to them. Quatre smiled and waved, then looked back to Heero.

Heero was looking around, his face blank as he seemed to analyze the place. His eyes slowly drifted to Quatre again. "This is where you work?" he asked.

Quatre nodded. "It's small, but the people here are nice and the customers tip well," he said with a small smile.

Heero nodded and looked around again. His arms were crossed over his chest and he seemed a little uncomfortable. "Why don't you come to work for the Preventers?" he asked after a few moments. "I'm sure that Une would have something for you...it would pay better and..." Heero trailed off as Quatre started shaking his head.

"Thank you, but I like it here," he said softly, looking around with a wistful softness to his face. "I don't want to leave...people would respect me there...but people like me here... It's hard to explain," he said softly, resting his chin on his hand.

Heero looked slightly confused, so Quatre continued. "Before, people would always tell me that it was amazing that I was doing so much at such a young age, they thought it was great that I helped in bringing peace, were impressed by my political views...but they were all so fake, they only wanted to get on my good side...here, I had to earn my friends, they weren't already bought...and..." he crossed his arms on the table, and lowered his head onto them. "And they don't treat me like a hero, they treat me like everyone else. You know how good the feels?"

"You sound happy here." Heero said softly. Something flickered in Heero's eyes for only a split second, too fast for Quatre to catch. "I'll be right back." Heero mumbled quickly as he stood, then made his way towards the bathroom.

Quatre lifted his head slightly from his arms and watched Heero go, confused at the suddenness of his exit.

"So that's Heero, huh?" a cheerful voice said from behind Quatre. Two glasses of water were slid onto the table as a grinning blonde slid into Heero's empty seat.

Quatre sat up and smiled. "Yep. What did I tell you?"

The girl giggled. "You weren't lying, he _is_ cute! All the good ones are either taken or gay, it's not fair." She said with a full pout.

Quatre mock-glared. "Well this one is both, so hands off, Meiko."

"Oh alright!" Meiko said, sighing forlornly.

 Quatre smiled. "Kristy told me you had trouble earlier."

Meiko wrinkled her nose. "Yeah, I got two snobs a little while ago." She sighed. "I knew they were gonna be trouble as soon as I saw them...nice clothes, nice car..." she frowned bitterly. "They always think the world revolves around them."

"Meiko..." Quatre sighed. "You know that they aren't all like that."

Meiko crossed her arms. "Well you're the only nice person I know who's had money, and you don't count."

Quatre tilted his head. "So what was wrong with these 'snobs'?"

 "Besides the money thing?" she smiled when Quatre rolled his eyes. "Well...nothing really...I had the feeling they didn't like me...anyway, they were a couple I think...I was mad because the guy was cute! You see my point? Anyway, the girl spilled her tea all over the place, and you know how much of a hassle _that_ is to clean up...the guy tipped well though, and that's all that matters, right?" she said with a wink.

Quatre smiled. "Money isn't everything."

Meiko mock-glared. "I wont know that until I'm rich."

"I thought you hated rich people."

"Yeah, but when I'm rich, I wont have to kiss up to them anymore," she answered with a grin.

~()~

Heero all but ran to the nearest phone.

*'You sound happy here.' Of course! He just said that!* he yelled at himself. *I'm too nervous to think straight...*

He put some change into the payphone and dialed.

"Yello?" Duo's voice answered.

"Duo, it's Heero. Help."

Duo chuckled. "What's wrong?"

Heero sighed and leaned against the nearest wall. "I'm out with Quatre...I can't talk to him. I don't know why, but I feel...nervous."

"Don't worry man, that's all I can say. I was nervous as hell around Wufei at first, and I had known him for years too, it's natural."

"What did you do?" Heero asked.

"Other then make a complete ass of myself?"

Heero groaned and closed his eyes. "I'm screwed, aren't I?"

"Basically. Just try to relax, its just Quatre, you don't need to fear Quatre."

"Simpler said then done...I don't want to mess this up, Duo." Heero said softly.

"Yeah, I know. Think everything through before you say it and most of all: breathe!"

Heero took a deep breath and tried to calm down. Another thought came to mind. "Duo...what are we supposed to do?"

There was a short silence. "Do?" Duo asked.

"On a date. What do people usually do?"

"Movies, food, just about anything really. Why? Where are you now?"

Heero looked around. "The restaurant where Quatre works."

"Well, that's a good start. He didn't mention anything else?"

"No," Heero said. "He says he's new to this too."

Duo laughed. "Then what the hell are you worried about? And why are you still talking to me? Look, he's probably nervous too, just go with what you think you should do. I'm hanging up now, have fun!"

"Duo wai-" was all Heero got out before Duo hung up. "Damn it!" Heero cursed, hanging up the pay phone. He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "Now what?"

He looked over to where Quatre sat laughing with a girl wearing what Heero figured was the place's uniform. Heero leaned against the wall again and watched with a small smile. Quatre was practically glowing. There was a soft feeling of warmth and comfort that surrounded Quatre, Heero knew that's what drew people to him...it was one of the many things that drew Heero himself.

He pushed off the wall and made his way over to their table. He was still nervous, but some things were worth it.

To be concluded...  
Kinda...

~~~~

[1] Meiko is named after (but not based on) a character in a *really* good online shounen-ai manga that everyone should read! "Your Wings Are Mine" ^_______^ You can find it at http://www.aoihayashi.com/ Go read!!

Wooo! We're almost done people! ^___^ got the last chapter and the extra scenes! ::almost done dance::  
Nikki :-P

PS Please show your love and review! Ya know I love ta hear from ya!


	8. Closure

Well! It's finally over. Yep folks, this is the last chapter of Phoenix! ::sniff:: I miss it already. After this is only a few left over scenes that popped into my head, but since they're not very good, I'm only posting 'em on my site instead of plaguing you guys with my remnants.

Nikki's Realm: http://www.geocities.com/mageofthewinds/

So here it is! the last chapter of Phoenix. It takes place nearly right after the last chapter, so if you're like me and have a bad memory, you might wanna go back and glance over the last chapter.

::cries and sends the last chapter of her baby::

Series: Phoenix  
Name: Closure  
Genre: Drama  
Pairings: 1+4, 5x2, 6x3,  
Rating: R

Key:  
~()~ Break  
*Thought*

Warning: Ah, you know ^_^

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, any of its characters, story lines or anything like that. Lessee...I do own a few CD's...and a cool framed Duo picture ^_^ but that's it...

  
Closure

By Nikki :-P or Nataku's Child

~

Phoenix

: a legendary bird which according to one account lived 500 years, burned itself to ashes on a pyre, and rose alive from the ashes to live another period; also : a person or thing likened to the phoenix

-Merriam-Webster's Dictionary

~

"...Nee...oikakete...oikakete...shiroi kaze..." Duo sang softly as he pushed open the kitchen door.  
[1]

Popping his head in, he looked around. A small mischievous grin parted his lips. *All clear.*

Sneaking in shadows that didn't exist, Duo made his way to the fridge, peering over his shoulder every once in a while, just in case. With a grin of success, Duo opened the refrigerator door and stuck a finger in his prize.

"Mmm...unsettled pudding..." he said before sticking a pudding coated finger in his mouth. Rolling his eyes in chocolaty bliss, Duo was going for another dip when the doorbell rang.

"'Fei?" Duo blurted, lifting his head quickly at the sound of the bell. However, his head was still in the fridge. He let out an "Umph!" as the top of his head connected with the shelf above.

He rubbed the sore spot and called out to Trowa. "I'll get it Tro'!" Quickly taking another dip of pudding before closing the fridge door, Duo jogged to the front door to greet Wufei.

*He's home early...Though it could be Heero back from his date...* He thought as he neared the door.

"No! I can get it Duo!" He heard Trowa yell. He could also his footsteps on the stairs...he was running...?

"I'm right here Tro', I got it." Duo answered before sticking the choco-covered finger in his mouth. He ran the last few steps to the door. He was eager to see either Wufei or Heero. Wufei was Wufei and Heero had a lot to talk to him about. He reached the door and pulled it open with a grin.

He was surprised, to say the least.

Expecting a dark head to meet his eyes, he was instead met with the back of a platinum blonde one.

"Oro?" Duo said and blinked in confusion.  
[2]

The head turned around. "Hey, sorry I'm...a little..." Zechs stopped talking. His eyes widened. "Late." He finished and closed his eyes. "Shit..."

Frozen in shock, Duo barely noticed Trowa come to a sliding stop behind him. "Zechs? What are you doing here?" Duo asked.

"I...uh..." Zechs stuttered. He paused, his mouth opening and closing, as he seemed to search for an explanation of his sudden visit. Apparently not finding one, he threw a 'help me' look over Duo's shoulder.

Duo looked back at Trowa. The other man looked slightly pale and worried, and he wasn't taking his eyes off of Zechs.

Duo looked back to Zechs.

Then to Trowa...

Then to Zechs...

Then Trowa.

Then Zechs.

Trowa.

Zechs.

Trowa.

Zechs...

Duo sighed and slumped over. "I'm confused." He said forlornly.

"I'm so sorry," Zechs said softly over Duo's back to Trowa, ignoring the poor defeated Duo.

Trowa sighed. "It's alright. I suppose we could tell him before the others."

Duo, feeling he was being left out of the conversation, focused instead on the floor...where something caught his eye. "Hey Tro'? Is it just my eyes, or are your toenails painted black?"

~()~

Meanwhile, the sun had started to slip into the horizon, and Heero and Quatre still sat in their booth at Quatre's restaurant. Their conversation had come to a slow pause. Quatre was stirring his now cold tea lazily and Heero was watching the spoon spin in small circles, not really paying attention to what he was seeing.

His nervousness had slowly settled, and he felt a little more comfortable. They talked in small bouts about unimportant things that they would forget in a few days, but it had led them to where they were now, in a comfortable silence, with the soft golden-red light of dusk shining through the nearest window.

There weren't many people in the small restaurant; it was an off-hour, being too late for lunch and too early for dinner. The clink of dishes and soft murmur of voices seemed only background noise to add to the feeling of peace and tranquility that washed over Heero as he watched the tea swirl around the spoon's handle.

"Heero?" Quatre's soft voice called him out of his daze.

"Hm?" Heero looked up.

"I really..." He had been looking into Heero's eyes, but Quatre now looked down, a light blush coloring his cheeks. "I really enjoyed spending time with you," he said even quieter, almost breathing the words.

"I enjoyed it too, Quatre." Heero said, sliding a shaky hand to grab Quatre's, making him drop the spoon. It swirled a few more times on it's own, before coming to a slow stop.

Quatre's blush deepened, but he slid his hand into a more comfortable position in Heero's. He brushed his thin, pale fingers against Heero's dark skin, feeling the warmth underneath. "It's getting late," he said, not taking his eyes off of Heero's hand. "I suppose...I should...go home," the words came out slow and reluctant. Under his breath, barley audible, just a thought spoken out loud, he added, "I don't want to leave you..."

"Why don't you come home with me? Duo and the others would want to see you...we could have dinner." Heero offered.

*He doesn't want to leave me...is he lonely in that apartment? Or does he care that much for me...no, it's stupid to think...* Heero scolded himself for what were conceited thoughts in his opinion.

Quatre chuckled lightly. "We haven't left the restaurant yet and we're already talking about dinner..." Quatre lifted his eyes to the window. "It's already so late...I didn't notice..." he watched the sun sink lower, becoming barely a sliver of light.

"Quatre..." Heero hand tightened, an attempt at bringing his attention back.

It worked. Quatre tore his eyes from the sunset.

"I want you to come home," Heero said, locking eyes with the other man.

Quatre swallowed. He looked a little frightened, though it was probably just nerves. After a moment's silence, Quatre nodded. "I'd like to go...home." the last word was merely a whisper.

Heero was yearning to kiss Quatre. His soft, pale cheek ached for Heero's touch. His small, peach lips were almost irresistible. The table alone kept Heero in place. Damn the stupid restaurant.

"Heero?"

Heero blinked a few times. "Hm?"

Quatre cocked his head slightly in the cutest way, eyebrow raised slightly. "Is something the matter?"

"No, I just really wanted to kiss you but this damn..." Heero eyes widened. *Did I just say that out loud?* "Table..." he muttered.

For only a moment, Heero saw Quatre's face flush, but it was suddenly...gone?

Heero leaned over the table, looking at the seat Quatre had just occupied. He saw the blonde head slide under, felt the warm mass move against his leg, and turned just in time to see Quatre pop back up, this time, sitting right next to him.

"I was thinking the same thing," Quatre said quickly, before leaning over and kissing a shocked Heero.

*What?* the feeling still wasn't registering. *Quatre didn't just...* The soft weight on his lips didn't pierce through his mind until he felt Quatre's hand on his shoulder, pulling him into a better angle. *He is...* Heero tilted his head and placed a hand on Quatre's hip, giving him more comfortable access to Quatre's shaking lips.

It was a soft, timid kiss, and not the easiest, due to their positions, but it was worth it. They reluctantly pulled away. Quatre looked down. He was flushed and shaking, his boldness fading away to his usual, apprehensive nature.

Quatre started playing with the hem of his shirt. "I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't mean to force you...or anything..." he muttered.

"It's alright," Heero reached over and smoothed Quatre's hair, calming him. "I wanted to."

Quatre looked up and smiled, laughing a little. He was obviously relieved that Heero didn't mind his spur of the moment action. He cleared his throat and started playing with his shirt again. "I...would like to go..." there was a miniscule softening in his voice when he spoke the next word, "home...with you." He looked up through his lashes. "You don't think they would mind? It's a bit sudden and I wouldn't want to be a burden or..."

Heero lifted a hand to Quatre's cheek, making the quick flow of words slow to a stop. "You aren't a burden," Heero said firmly, locking eyes with Quatre. "You never were, you never will be. We love you..." then softer, "I love you."

Quatre swallowed, tears shinning in his eyes, though not enough to fall. "I love you too, Heero." The words rolled off of his tongue, as though they were the only words he had spoken for his entire life. Then, with a small smile, "Lets go home."

~()~

Wufei slouched in his chair. Something he rarely did on any normal day, but today had been especially long. While it had started out brightly, Une had quickly made it known that the next few days would be hell.

Wufei sighed and flipped through another web site. He was, at the moment, ignoring the rather large pile of boring paperwork that Une had assigned him as his unofficial punishment. She didn't take the 'fuck off' very well.

So now, instead of making his life easier by getting the work over with, Wufei had decided to do something that had become quite the hobby for him. Namely, ring shopping.

For nearly a month, Wufei had been looking for a ring. Not seriously...well, a little serious, but he wasn't in any rush. But still, he was looking. He loved Duo. Hell, he didn't know he _could_ love someone, let alone feel like he could marry again. But somehow, through all the times he acted like an asshole, through all their fights, all the times he wasn't sure if Duo loved him or not...

Through every bump in the road, they ended up together. And when Wufei thought he had lost Duo, that it was all over and he was to blame -though he didn't know what he did- he learned just how unbearable life was without his Shi-chan...

Wufei smiled. *God, if Duo ever heard me call him that...* he chuckled. *I would never hear the end of it.* His mind wandered to that morning. *He was more concerned over being the wife...I couldn't tell if he would even want to get married...*

He wasn't sure Duo would say yes...did it matter? What if Duo never wanted to get married? What if was too serious for him? Too strong a commitment?  


*How important is it to me? Not as important as Duo,* he thought quickly. *But still...*

Wufei sighed and closed the page he had been absentmindedly flipping through. No use worrying about it, he couldn't even find a ring. Wufei leaned back in his chair, staring at the ceiling. He wanted something symbolic, but not too flashy, something like Duo, but something that would also remind Duo of him. Wufei smirked and closed his eyes. Maybe he was asking too much... He stood and pushed his chair away. But he wanted it to be perfect...

Wufei glanced at the clock on the wall. He smirked. *Une's pissed at me already, leaving a half hour early shouldn't change much.* decision made even before he tried to excuse it, Wufei grabbed his coat.

*Maybe I'll take him out tonight...*

~()~

Duo drained the rest of his glass and slammed it on the table. He stared at it, as though it would help him understand what the hell was happening.

"Duo? Are you okay?" Trowa asked, leaning forward.

They were sitting at the kitchen table, Duo on one side, Zechs and Trowa on the other. Duo had told them to wait there and had disappeared, coming back with what he said was a mere fraction of Heero's 'stash'.

"Okay, lemme get this straight." He was ignoring Trowa's question. "You and Zechs have been going to clubs for...a while..." he said slowly, as though the words didn't sound right. "And by some odd chance, met up."

"Yes."

"And you've been dating for...how long?"

"Well, officially-" Zechs started.

"Just answer!" Duo snapped.

"Almost a year," Trowa answered quickly.

Duo nodded slowly, still staring at his cup. After a moment, he laughed. "Well I'm sure as hell glad you're gay!"

Zechs was thrown off guard. "What?"

Duo held his hands up. "Nothing against straight guys, I'm just glad I don't have one under _my_ roof!"

Zechs chuckled, mostly in relief.

Trowa sighed, feeling lighter. "Thank you, Duo."

Duo laughed. "Don't be so serious man, sure I'm alright with it! Heero on the other hand..." He looked at Zechs. "He might freak."

Trowa winced. *He wont be happy...after all he and Zechs have been through...* Trowa felt Zechs' arm wrap around his waist.

"I can take of Heero, if need be," Zechs said coolly. Adding softly to Trowa, "I wont let him hurt you."

Trowa smirked. "I doubt that he would get physical."

Zechs took Trowa's chin in hand, tilting his head towards him. "I didn't mean physical. I know this means a lot to you, I wont let him ruin it."

"Thank you..." Trowa whispered, before allowing him self to be pulled into a kiss.

Trowa pulled away before the kiss became anymore then a light touch, he'd forgotten about Duo. Turning his attention to his comrade, he saw that it wasn't mutual. Duo was watching them with grin.

"That was so cute!" he exclaimed.

Trowa and Zechs untangled themselves from each other and tried to repair their somewhat fractured masculinity.

Zechs cleared his throat. "Yeah well..."

Trowa looked away. "That was just..."

"Right..." Zechs said, clearing his throat again.

Duo laughed and stood up. "Well, 'Fei should be home soon. Lord knows when Heero will be back. But dinner is almost done, you two better go change."

Zechs raised an eyebrow. "Change?"

Trowa grabbed Zechs' arm. "Will you be okay?" he asked Duo.

Duo waved a hand. "Yeah, I just gotta throw the bread in...boil the pasta...it's a cinch."

Trowa frowned. "If you need anything..."

Duo shooed them out. "You'll be upstairs! Now go Cinderella! Get ready for the ball!"

Trowa mock glared as he and Zechs were pushed out of the kitchen.

"Cinderella?" Zechs asked curiously as he was lead upstairs.

Trowa sighed. "It seems I've acquired a nickname..."

Hidden from Zechs, Trowa smiled.

He had a nickname...

~()~

Wufei closed the front door softy, hoping Duo hadn't heard him come in. As he hung his keys, Wufei caught the smell of garlic in the air. Curious, he sniffed as he took off his coat...

Garlic...fresh bread baking...Italian herbs... Wufei's mouth began to water. *Trowa must be cooking, he makes the best pasta dinners...*

Becoming more aware of his empty stomach with every breath of deliciously scented air, Wufei made his way to the kitchen. He pushed open the kitchen door, his eyebrows immediately raising at a site more delicious then what he had smelled.

Duo hummed softly, stirring at a pot on the stove. His old, faded jeans turned soft over the years, hung low on his hips, letting the world know that today he decided against both boxers and briefs. The once black - now faded to gray shirt he wore was a little short, his growth spurts and the relentless dryer succeeding in giving Wufei a peak at the smooth skin underneath.

A small, lopsided grin grew on Wufei's lips as he realized that Duo didn't notice he was there...well, that was a first. Using Duo's deep concentration, Wufei slowly made his way over to his lover, thankful that he had already removed his shoes. He held his breath as he got closer. With stealth that normally couldn't match Duo's, Wufei wrapped his arms around Duo's bare waist.

He got a satisfying jump of surprise from Duo. "'Fei!" he exclaimed.

Wufei smirked and nibbled at Duo's ear a little before murmuring softly, "I finally snuck up on you."

Duo smiled and leaned into him. "I was busy."

"I see that," Wufei said, looking over Duo's shoulder. "What _are_ you doing?"

"What does it look like?" Duo asked, stirring at the pot that Wufei now could see contained what looked like spaghetti sauce. "I'm making dinner."

"Not that I doubt your culinary skills, Duo, but..." Wufei sniffed at the air. "Are you sure that you made this?"

"Of course!" Duo said, elbowing Wufei a little. "Just because it's not on fire, that doesn't mean I didn't make it!" He was quiet for a moment. "Okay, so Trowa helped a little...some...a lot-but still!" He sighed, stirring at the pot some more, even if it wasn't really necessary. "I just wanted to make you a nice dinner...to say I'm sorry..." He turned quickly, pushing Wufei away and pointing the sauce covered spoon at him. "But don't go getting the wife thing in your head 'cause of this! I swear if I hear it one more time you're not getting any and I _don't_ mean pasta!"

Wufei laughed, holding up his hands in surrender. When Duo put the spoon down, Wufei moved forward and hugged him. "I'm sorry, I didn't know marriage bothered you so much."

Duo laughed and returned the hug. "I'm not sayin' that, 'Fei. I'm sayin' I aint the woman!"

Wufei smiled softly. "Alright...then what _do_ you think of marriage?"

Duo rubbed small circles in Wufei's back. "Why do you want to know?" he asked softly.

"I'm just curious."

"And if I said I didn't mind...maybe even...liked the idea...?" Duo usually covered his nerves well, but at the distance they were, Wufei could feel his heart quicken.

Wufei pulled back a little, just enough to see Duo's face. They shared a moment of silent understanding, ending when Duo broke into a grin and gave Wufei a quick peck on the cheek. He pulled back and Wufei smiled, not breaking the moment with ill-placed words.

Duo smiled crookedly in understanding.

Wufei could hear the door swing open behind him.

Duo looked over Wufei's shoulder and grinned. "Lookin' good Cindy," he said with a wink. "And just in time. You and 'Fei talk while I get myself all pretty-fied." He turned his eyes toward Wufei again and mock glared. "Shut up."

Wufei chuckled. "I didn't say anything."

"I knew what you were thinking," he said, poking Wufei a little before moving past him to the door. "You guys have fun, and don't die of shock, 'Fei, your ass is too nice to leave this earth so soon."

"Shock?" Wufei asked, turning to ask Duo what he meant.

...Scratch that, he now understood.

Trowa was the only one left in the room, the kitchen door having swung shut behind Duo.

Trowa looked back at him, seemingly calm, but Wufei could almost taste his fear. Trowa was quite the vision, clad completely in black. Wufei's shock widened eyes took his friend in, inch by inch. From the black painted toe nails, to the at-least-one-size-too-small leather pants, the barely-there mesh shirt that showed off just how well Trowa kept in shape, the thin leather collar at his neck, black lipstick...black eyeliner then made his green eyes show brighter...his hair was brushed back, falling to his shoulders and giving him more of an open, honest look...

Wufei swallowed.

Blinked.

Cleared his throat.

Swept a glance over Trowa one more time.

Swallowed again.

"DUO!!!" He brushed past Trowa and nearly ran out the door.

Hopefully Duo could explain what had happened to "Cindy".

~()~

Zechs looked one last time in the mirror. He didn't have anything on hand to wear, so he had to wear something of Trowa's. In height, they wear nearly even, though Zechs was still a bit taller. But there was a problem. Trowa's days with circus had put him in great shape, however, his muscles were more compact, since he needed to keep flexible -the thought giving Zechs the familiar smirk- however, Zechs' weren't. He'd found the loosest pants Trowa owned, which fit him only a little too tight, and had settled with one of Trowa's 'normal' sweaters.

All in all, though the look wasn't exactly what he had hopped for, he couldn't say he didn't like it.

Shaking his head, Zechs left Trowa's room and followed the enticing fumes to the kitchen. When he got there, the smirk that had been itching at his lips burst free. Trowa was currently pulling a loaf of bread out of the oven. The mixture of leather and finely toned muscles was almost too much for the former 'Lightening Count'.

He leaned against the doorway and cocked his head to the side, his mouth hanging slightly open in appreciation. "How can you hate leather pants when you look so damn good in them?" he said, his low voice rumbling in his chest.

He heard Trowa chuckle. Depositing the loaf onto the counter before turning, Trowa smirked and crossed his arms over his chest. "They're hot, hard to take off and the ones that _you_ bought me are too tight, leaving nothing to the imagination."

"Which is exactly _why_ I bought them," Zechs said. He pushed off from the doorway and let the kitchen door fall behind him as he made his way over to Trowa. He slid an arm around his lover's waist to pull him close and used the other hand to slide down the back of said pants. "Why would I need to imagine?" he said, leaning in to speak lowly in Trowa's ear. "When I have memories and the promise of the real thing?"

Trowa made a small noise in the back of his throat and leaned into Zechs.

"It's not fair..." Trowa murmured, pressing a kiss to Zechs' neck. "You look better in that sweater then I do."

Zechs chuckled.

Trowa sighed softly. "Wufei came home."

Zechs blinked, confused about the sudden change of subject. "Did he? I didn't hear the door."

Trowa 'hm'd' softly.

"Did you see him?" asked Zechs.

Another 'hm'.

"And?"

Trowa sighed and buried his face in Zechs' shoulder. "Maybe this is too soon, too sudden. You're going to be a big shock as it is, maybe we can change before Heero gets here."

Zechs pulled back to look Trowa in the eye, nudging his chin up when Trowa wouldn't look him in the eye. "You can do this. I'll stay by your side the entire time."

Trowa took a deep breath before answering. "Thank you...but what about _after_ Heero murders you?"

~()~

Heero lead the way to the small house, Quatre staying a step behind him and fidgeting.

"Are you okay?" Heero asked, glancing behind him.

"Fine," Quatre said quickly. "But once we get inside, the joyous reunion will have to wait a minute or two, I think I drank too much tea..." He winced.

Heero's lips twitched and he walked a little faster. When he got to the door, he found it unlocked. Pushing it open, Heero stood aside and let Quatre go in first.

With a grateful smile, Quatre walked quickly past, going straight for the nearest bathroom.

Heero smiled softly as he watched the blonde nearly run up the stairs, only moving when Quatre was out of sight. As he hung his keys, Heero caught a whiff of herbs and garlic... his stomach gave a small sound, letting him know that it approved of the smell as much as his nose did.

Closing the door softly behind him, Heero went in search for its source.

~()~

Marinara sauce and pasta weren't the only things boiling in the kitchen at the moment.

A sauce covered spoon lay against the side of the pot, forgotten by it's former wielder, whom it the moment had found better things to do with his hands...namely, the platinum blonde clad all in black that was currently making dinner seem less and less important.

Trowa had somehow found himself pressed against the nearest counter, gasping for breath after a kiss that had lasted longer then his lungs wanted it to, and shorter then both he and his partner did. As soon as his breath returned to something near normal, he chanced another kiss, crushing his lips against Zechs' in a fervor only heightened by the fact that at any moment-

Damn, he jinxed it.

Because of course, just then the door suddenly swung open.

Zechs, oblivious to the fact that he and Trowa were no longer a longer alone, still had Trowa pinned, so neither of them was able to see the intruder.

All they could hear was a sound that let Trowa immediately identify who it was.

It was the sound of a gun cocking.

"Who the hell are you and what the fuck are you doing in my kitchen?" Heero asked, his voice calm and cold.

Zechs stiffened under Trowa's hands. Trowa smiled bitterly. Figures. Of course Heero had to find them in the worst possible time...well, at least they weren't unclothed...completely...

Trowa pulled his shirt down to where it was supposed to fall, and dropped the sardonic smile. Calm and collected, Trowa stepped out from behind Zechs.

"Welcome home, Heero." He said in his usual quiet, soothing voice. "Duo and Wufei are upstairs. Dinner should be ready in a few minutes. I believe you've met Zechs Merquise."

Heero's shock didn't show, but knowing him for so long, Trowa could tell. Heero's eyes darted from him to Zechs, then to their clothes, then to the stove. After assessing the situation, Heero nodded.

"The water is about to boil over," he informed them before going to the refrigerator and grabbing a water. As Trowa went to go check the pasta, Heero pulled up a chair at the table, sat down, and glanced at Zechs. "We'll talk later." His eyes narrowed. "Alone."

Zechs nodded.

~()~

Duo came down shortly after, with a suspicious Wufei trailing behind who kept throwing odd glances at Zechs and lingering ones at Trowa.

Wufei was sitting at the table, trying hard to figure out what was going on between what Duo had told him, and what he was seeing; Duo was talking with Trowa about the finishing touches on the dinner, Trowa giving him useful advice and tips for future reference; Heero was calmly ignoring them all, focusing on his water and Zechs was watching Trowa, not exactly sure what he was supposed to do in his situation...

...When Quatre walked in.

After searching most of the house, Sandrock's former pilot had followed his nose -not unlike the cartoon toucan- to the kitchen.

When the door swung open, Quatre was met with various surprises, but the one that caught him the most...

"Trowa..." His friends name escaped his lips with a deep sadness and regret.

It had been so long since he had seen Trowa, even longer since they had talked. In all that time, he had been worrying about Heero, himself, Wufei, Duo...all the while, he'd unknowingly been neglecting Trowa...one of his oldest friends...

~()~

Trowa turned from the sink at the sound of his name. Quatre was standing in the doorway, his hand placed unconsciously over his heart, a slight frown on his lips.

*Q-Quatre?*

This was unexpected, to say the least.

He'd prepared somewhat for Duo before he found out, more so for Wufei and though he had been dreading it, Heero as well. But Quatre...

The room fell to silence, and he knew everyone was watching them, slight puzzlement evident on at least Duo's face, the others not willing to show that they didn't understand what was wrong. Trowa felt everything slip away, all his pent up pain and doubt felt as though it were slipping past their cages.

He knew Quatre saw everything, understood what was wrong.

Before he knew what was happening, he was in Quatre's comforting arms, hanging on as though it were his last hope. He knew Zechs was shifting uncomfortably near him, edging a little closer. He would explain later, but right now it was nice just to be understood.

"Oh Trowa...I'm so sorry I wasn't here for you." Quatre whispered in his ear.

Trowa swallowed, feeling small in Quatre's arms, though the height difference was painfully evident to everyone watching.

They pulled away, and Trowa was slightly amused to see that not only had Zechs come to stand beside him, but Heero also was now standing, watching Trowa sharply.

Trowa cleared his throat and looked down at Quatre. "It's good to see you again, Quatre," he said softly, his voice warm with the emotions Quatre had released. "Are you staying for dinner?"

"Yeah," Duo piped up. "There's plenty."

Quatre smiled quickly at Trowa then looked at Duo. "Of course, I'd love to."

"I hope it's ready, Duo. I'm curious to see how much your culinary skills have improved with Trowa's help," Wufei said, smiling slyly at his lover from his seat.

"Oh...Duo made it?" Quatre asked softly.

Duo stuck out his tongue. "Don't sound too disappointed, Q."

Quatre smiled shyly. "Sorry."

Duo winked. "Don't be. If it's edible, it only goes to show how good a teacher Cindy is."

Zechs wrapped his arms around 'Cindy' and nibbled at his ear, murmuring softly.

Quatre blinked, an onslaught of questions bombarding his mind, the only clear one spilling from his mouth before he could think of a better one. "Cindy?"

~()~

Dinner was surprisingly comfortable, and even more surprisingly delicious. The evening went by, filled with quiet conversation and a few laughs, especially when the subject of Trowa and Zechs' meeting came up.

Dessert came and past. The pudding was good, though slightly less in quantity then Trowa had remembered. When he was going to ask, Trowa noticed Duo obviously averting his eyes. Smiling softly, Trowa let it drop.

Wufei offered to do the dishes, Quatre quickly offering to help. Duo was happy to let them do just that, announcing that he was going to take a long bath, being 'bone tired' from cooking _all _day...

As Duo shuffled tiredly out of the kitchen and Wufei and Quatre started clearing the table, talking quietly, Heero caught Zechs' eye. He narrowed his eyes and nodded stiffly. Trowa caught it and coughed.

"I think I should put away the leftovers," he said, excusing himself. He quickly squeezed Zechs' hand before he stood and went about putting away what was left of dinner.

Heero stood and tilted his head to the door, silently telling Zechs to follow him.

As soon as the kitchen door swung behind Zechs, Heero turned and fixed him with his coldest, most intense glare.

"Trowa is a good friend," he stated. "Certain events have led to show me just how important friends are in life."

Zechs nodded stiffly.

"We've had our...differences in the past..." Heero said awkwardly. "However, for Trowa's sake, I will let the past be just that."

Zechs nodded again. "Agreed."

"But I swear," Heero voice got lower. "If you hurt him, in _any_ way, for _any_ reason, you had better hope he begs me to take mercy. Understood?" He asked, in a tone that threatened extreme pain if demands weren't met.

"Perfectly." Zechs answered.

Heero turned to go, when Zechs grabbed his arm, holding on a bit tighter then was necessary. Heero turned his head, his eyes flicking to Zechs'.

"You have been forgiven for your past mistakes," Zechs growled. "But I love Trowa, and if I see you, or any of your friends hurt him again, consider our truce terminated." With that, Zechs let go of his now painful grip.

Zechs reentered the kitchen, leaving Heero frowning at his words.

*Past mistakes? Hurt him _again_?*

~()~

Zechs helped Trowa put away the last of the leftovers quickly before dragging him upstairs. The only explanation needed was the dark gleam in his eyes.

Heero had been sitting on the couch, thinking about what Zechs had said when he saw them go up, not even glancing at him. With a small smile, Heero stood up and made his way to the kitchen.

Wufei and Quatre stopped talking and turned when Heero entered. Wufei murmured something to Quatre before walking towards Heero, throwing him the dishcloth he had been holding. "Why don't you help Quatre? I think I'll go...check on Duo." He couldn't keep the smile from his lips as he said it.

Heero gave Wufei a grateful nod before going to help Quatre. When he got to the sink he was rewarded with a bright smile.

"Today was...eventful," Quatre said softly, handing him a newly cleaned dish to dry.

Heero chuckled softly. "Very." He ran the towel across the dish before putting it away.

"I didn't know how much I missed it..." Quatre said wistfully. He suddenly laughed.

"What is it?"

"I can't believe I didn't see it before..."

Heero accepted another dish, throwing Quatre a 'what?' look.

Quatre smiled at him. "Well, its not exactly funny...more ironic, I guess...during the war, we sort of...skipped over our teen years...not physically of course, but mentally, spiritually...those are very important years. We are supposed to learn who we are, what we want in life and start on that track, right?"

"I suppose..."

"Well, think about all we've been through..." Quatre stopped cleaning and looked somber. "Trowa rebelled...I...I made mistakes...you fought with depression...Wufei was caught between friendships and relationships...Though people have gone far in life without finding a middle ground on that...Duo..." Quatre trailed off.

"Duo...was trying to help me, while keeping his own problems hidden. I found out accidentally...he was trying to keep me sane without letting me help him..." Heero explained softly.

Quatre nodded sadly. "He was trying to be the good friend, but ended up hurting himself."

There was a silence before Heero chuckled darkly. "What about the man who ruined Trowa?"

Quatre elbowed him softly in the side. "Trowa was like that when they met, remember?"

Heero frowned. "I'm not buying it."

Quatre laughed and shook his head, lazily plucking at the soapy dishes in the sink. "I'm not sure, I haven't gotten a chance to talk to either of them...though I'm sure he had something, he had just as hard of a childhood as we did, if not worse..."

Heero made a sound that indicated neither agreement nor disagreement.

Quatre quit playing with the dishes and dried his hands quickly. "Trowa's having a hard time with this Heero, we need to support him...which means..." he moved over to Heero and wrapped his arms around his waist, resting his head on Heero's shoulder. "You need to be nice to Zechs."

Heero ignored that and held Quatre close. It felt good just to hold the blonde in his arms, he doubted he would ever tire of it. Though, naturally, there were better things...just then, the hug was heaven.

After a long, comfortable silence, Quatre murmured something.

"Hm?" Heero pulled back.

Quatre smiled up at him, eyelids half closed in contentment. "I never finished my point."

"What was it?"

Quatre rested his head on Heero's shoulder again, softly closing his eyes. "That we all delayed growing up, and now we have...we're almost completely different people now...and yet we'll keep doing this, changing..." Quatre yawned. "It's a natural part of life...but I wonder...if we'll all stay together..."

Heero dipped his head down a little. "We will...no matter what happens, I think everything has proven that...And Quatre, if for some reason...this doesn't work out..." the words came out reluctantly, the words seeming cursed, the very thought of not holding Quatre for the rest of his life was unbearable. "We'll stay together, even if we're just friends."

"Of course, Heero." Quatre said softly, smiling up him. "You know what they say, 'birds of a feather...'"

The End

~~~~

[1] This is part of the Gravitation opening theme "Super Drive" ::Grin:: I love that show...

[2] Yes, I watch Kenshin waaaaay too much -_-

Ack! It's over! ::teary-ness:: The ending was less then satisfactory, but I don't think I can do better. Ah well! Hope ya liked it ^_^ let me know what ya think!

Thanks to everyone who's been readin' ^_^ I hope you liked it! Thank you thank you thank you to all who reviewed and a special thank you to Dessa-chan, Queenie-chan and Da-kun who kept my confidence up when it was low ^_^

Love always,  
Nikki :-P


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